Dear Tam
by Darth Breezy
Summary: An AU Post ROTJ story in my Breezyverse.Written in 'Diary' format from the POV of Luke's daughter, Pemberian, as she grows up a "Skywalker". Notes in first post and now complete...
1. Chapter 1

**Dear Tam**

_**AN**__ – This is a little companion piece (like everything else I write) that takes place in [u]my[/u] little Universe that disregards almost all the EU post Jedi – the most recent story being written with Golden_Jedi, called __ Sailing Little Boats. It can be found Here:_

_.net/beyond_the_saga/b10477/28747916/p1/_

_If you haven't guessed by now, this story features characters that are in what is pithily called a "same sex relationship" (aka, Uncle Kay and Uncle Toa). Per the TOS and my own personal canon, this will always ONLY apply to certain OC's, so sorry 'slash fans', none of the 'classic' characters 'swing that way'. As Pem has grown up with it, it isn't anything special or 'shocking' and treats it as such, I hope you will too._

_Rather than go into a lengthy background, I'll just let Pem speak for herself…_

**

Dear Tam,

My Pay-pa wants me to keep a journal for a whole year, and since I _hate_ writing to nobody, he said I should give it a name, and to write to it (you) like you don't know who I am, even though I talk to you a lot, I've decided to call it (you) Tam after my brother who passed into the f Force when we were little.

My name is Pemberian Canaille Skywalker. I am nearly 8 standard years old. My Ma-mere is Aubé, and my Pay-pa is Luke Skywalker. My Ma-mere was a pilot during the Rebellion, and my Pay-pa is a Jedi like almost all of my other family. My Gramer and Grey-Pa on my Ma-mere's side were also Jedi (but Grey-Pa passed into the Force), my Ma-mere is learning, and my uncle's Kay'leb and Toa are Healers. Toa is Kay's life-mate, but I have known him all my life.

I don't know about Pay-pa's family much, except _his_ Pay-pa was a great Jedi, and he never knew his Ma-mere which I think is sad. My Pay-pa, Luke, is a great j Jedi, and says I will be too, but I don't know if I want to be or a pilot instead like my Ma-mere. But Ma-mere is learning to be a j Jedi too.

I have a lot of uncles. Uncle Han is Auntie Leia's life-mate and like me, he is a Corellian. He's a great pilot, and has a wookiee friend who is my uncle Chewie. Auntie Leia is a politician and a great one at that!

I know I have a lot of relatives and a few new friends since we came to the Capitol planet, but most of the time I'm doing lessons which can be fun, but I'd rather be flying with uncle Chewie!

Auntie Leia is going to have babies soon – twins like me and Tam. I hope Auntie Leia doesn't lose one of her babies like Ma-mere did. She was so sad for a long time, then she met my Pay-pa again (Pay-pa spent a lot of time doing things for the Galaxy when I was little so he only met me this year!) and almost right away she and Pay-pa made another baby! So I am going to be a sister again as well as an auntie.

OK, Pay pa said I need to write at least one page of flimsy a week so here it is.

Sincerely,

Pemberian Skywalker.

X X X


	2. Chapter 2

***

Dear Tam,

Today I got to spend some time with just my Pay-Pa. It was really nice because most of the time he's been here with me and Ma-Mere, it seems that _everybody_ wants to see him. Pay-pa said that from now on, he's going to make sure that everybody knows that there's a difference between _"Master Skywalker time"_ and _"Just Luke"_ time where he is just Ma-Mere's life mate and my Pay-pa. I hope so.

He told me I could ask him _anything_ I wanted, so I asked him if he and Ma-mere were praying to the Force the other night. He got a funny look on his face and asked me what I meant. I told him I heard both him and Ma-mere calling to the goddess when they were making love (it's a grown up thing) and maybe it was like praying, especially when Ma-mere told him not to stop.

He got _really_ embarrassed, and said that he was sorry! I don't know why he apologized, He asked me not to tell Ma-mere, and I knew that he would rather talk about something else. Like I said, It's a grown up thing.

It was really nice though – we were wearing cloaks like regular people and Pay-pa made it so that most people just looked past us like we were normal people. Even when we went into the thearter district and there were loads of pictures of Pay-pa and Auntie Leia and Uncle Chewie, nobody seemed to recognize us! It was just like being at home. Pay-pa bought me some pali-tarts and we had sweet milk at a diner. The owner was a big alien named 'Dex' who hugged me with all four of his arms and called me Pilot just like my Pay-pa does! He called Pay-pa 'Red' and winked at me – it was like he was sharing our secret!

On our way home, Pay-pa bought Ma-mere some flowers because she's not feeling well. He says they are from a place called Naboo which is where _his_ Ma -mere came from!

It's been a very busy day, and after last meal I get to go to Uncle Chewie's tonight because Pay-pa is having some special guest over. He said it's all grown up Jedi boring stuff – I hope Ma-mere is feeling better then. Maybe at least she'll eat the pali-tarts.

Love,

Pem


	3. Chapter 3

_Just for the record, 'Vitty' (Taken from Kay'leb's suggestion of 'Shavit' and quickly gentled down by Aubé when the name stuck) is a well loved stuffed bantha with button eyes and a broken horn. _

***

Dear Tam,

Pay- pa is away again, and though he said it would only be for a week, he's already been gone fore 10 days. Ma-mere and I got a holo from him yesterday – a live one where we got to talk to him instead of a recording this time! It was like he was one of the Force people who come and talk to me sometimes because he was all blue and see through, and really Tam, it kinda scared me a little this time because I don't want my Pay-pa to be a Force ghost. He told Ma-mere she needs to eat more (even though her tummy is already getting big!) and that he will bring me something neat from the Outer Rim, but I told him I only want him to come home soon. He got a funny look on his face (I think he was talking to Ma-mere through the Force, and even though I can sometimes hear it, I'm trying not to peak any more even though it's hard!) and then _promised_ he would be home to before I went to sleep in three days!

I told him that I would stay awake until he came home for all three days, but he said if I went to bed, time would go by faster, so I held up Vitty for Pay-pa to kiss, and went to bed.

When Ma-Mere came in to tuck me in, I knew she'd been crying even though she'd tried to hide it.

I told her that I was mad at Pay-pa for making her cry (and I really was!) and I told her a really bad secret – that sometimes I wish Pay-pa had never come back if it made her sad! That made me cry because I didn't mean it and then I was afraid Pay-pa would _never_ come home! I though Ma-mere would be mad at me for saying that, but she just held me close and told me that it was ok, and she knew that I didn't mean it, and that Pay-pa was coming home soon, but because he is a very great man, a lot of people need him. Sometimes that means that Pay-pa will have to be gone, but he will _always_ eventually come home to us. She also told me that she's been a little sick because of the baby, and _that_ made her cry easily, so I shouldn't worry too much.

Then she told me some great news! Uncle Kay and Uncle Toa will be here tomorrow! Gra-mere has been lonely since Grey-Pa died and now that Uncle Kay has finished with putting everything together at the Healer's center back home (he had to find someone to be the Chief Healer while he's gone) for a long term, so he and Gra-mere and Toa can set up a big Healer's center at the Jedi Temple. They were here for a few days after Grey-Pa died and now they will come and stay maybe for good!

I was too excited to sleep, so Ma-mere let me get out of bed and we got to watch a funny holo-show about little guys called Ewoks and an evil bad guy who dressed all in black, and how they beat him. We also got to eat sugar stars and some spicy noodle stuff that gives you wind. Usually Ma-mere says it's not polite to pass wind but tonight we were both sitting on the couch, eating noodles and of course, making stinky noises that (as my Ma-mere said) would 'shame a wookiee' and laughing about it!

Ma-mere says she's going to eat a _whole load of them_ for last meal the night Pay-pa comes home, just to get even with him. I told her Pay-pa always said that revenge wasn't a Jedi thing, but she told me it was OK for this as she didn't think that even stinky bed covers would chase him from a warm bed. I told her Pay-pa could sleep in _my_ bed if he wanted to, but she reminded me that his legs are too long. So I guess Pay-pa will have to live with stinky sheets!

I really don't care though – as long as Pay-pa is home.

Love,

Pem


	4. Chapter 4

**

Dear Tam,

Uncle Kay and Toa came to last meal tonight along with Auntie Leia and Uncle Han and Uncle Chewie and Gra-mare, so we had a full house! It was really nice even though Uncle Han and Uncle Kay didn't really 'see eye to eye' as my Pay-pa said. In fact, after Kay and Toa went with Gra-mere (they will stay at the apartment Auntie Leia set up for her until the Temple is ready) I over-heard Uncle Han telling Pay-pa that Uncle Kay is 'an arrogant son of a gundark' and even though he's my Ma-mere's brother, he wasn't sure about having Uncle Kay and Uncle Toa taking care of Auntie Leia. Pay-pa defended Uncle Kay, and said he was a 'great Healer', and he got a real stubborn look on his face – then all at once he paused and I swear, he looked right through the door and saw me! He told Uncle Han that 'Little gungans have big ears' and I knew I was in trouble for peeking again even though I didn't mean to!

Pay-pa came into my room a few minutes later, and asked me what I had heard, and I told him that I didn't mean to. He said that it was OK, and that sometimes Uncle Han has a big voice, and a tongue that runs away from him.

"Like me?" I asked, but Pay-pa just laughed and said "No, you have a faster tongue, but I can catch it! See?" and he grabbed it (my tongue) between his fingers. Uncle Han came in right after, and squatted down next to me (I like that – just like Pay-Pa) and said that he hadn't met a lot of Jedi but for my Pay-Pa (and he and my Pay pa go way back – years even!) and Pay-Pa's *teacher* Obi-Wan Kenobi (I had to ask Pay-pa his name again) and _all_ Jedi make him a bit nervous.

I asked him if _I_ made him nervous because I was a Jedi in training, and he laughed and gave me a rough hug (his face was all prickly!) and said that I was too 'cute' to make him nervous, and he would be ok, and that if Pay-Pa said Uncle Kay was good for Auntie Leia, that was fine by him.

Uncle Kay brought me some holos from my friends back home! Tia and her brother Nas are going to come to the Core soon (their Pay-pa is a Corellian Senator) and hope to have a visit! Tia is a little older than me and Nas is a little younger. They have a nursemaid who likes Uncle Toa – but Toa only loves Kay so she's just outta luck!

It's very late, Tam, so Vitty and I are going to bed. Now that I'm finished writing to you, Uncle Han has offered to tuck me in and tell me a story – Normally that's Pay-Pa's job when he's here but Pay-Pa wants to talk to Auntie Leia and Ma-mere went to bed early. I think Uncle Kay gave her some medicine because she was feeling so sick. Having a baby seems to be a lot of hard work!

Love,

Pem

PS –

I like it when Uncle Han tells the stories as they are always about a _girl_ pirate who kicks the Imperial's be-hinds into the Outer Rim!


	5. Chapter 5

**

Dear Tam,

Today is Pay-Pa and Auntie Leia's life day. Ma-mere said that before I was born it was called 'Empire day', but I don't understand why people wanted to celebrate such a bad thing? Oh well.

Pay-pa and Auntie Leia went to have mid-meal alone together, and tonight there's going to be a big party with all their other friends and their kids. Ma-mere wants me to meet some of them because I don't have a lot of friends here that I can really talk to about my Pay-pa. It's not because I'm supposed to keep it a secret, but Ma-mere says that a lot of the 'political families' want to use Pay-pa and Auntie Leia for their name (and mine too!) and I would be happier with 'regular people' my own age or there abouts. Pay-pa says there are not of lot of Jedi with children yet, at least here because at one time a lot of people were _afraid_ of Jedi! I guess he's right because some of the Jedi children like me are really funny – they can use the Force better than I can in some ways but Pay-pa says I have more 'raw potential' and need to learn how to control it better before I play with them and try "Force games". I can lift some things but drop them pretty easily, but Pay-pa says I'll learn soon, and get better every time.

Uncle Han and Ma-mere and Uncle Chewie and I went out today to get a present for Auntie Leia because Ma-mere told Uncle Han that guys don't know what pregnant ladies like, but I think that was just an excuse for us to go out and leave Pay-pa and Auntie Leia alone. It's funny, they are kinda sad that it's their Life Day, maybe it's because they didn't grow up together? I miss Tam (my brother) but my life day is always fun anyway – maybe it's because they have to share their Life day? I hope Ma-mare's baby isn't born on _my_ Life day! But Ma-mere says he should be born before the next one which is very soon! I don't know what I want for my Life Day this year. This will be the first time Pay-pa will be here for it! Usually on my Life Day we have a little party with my friends, and we have a little wine (mine is mostly water, but I get a taste of the grown up stuff!) and we say a blessing for Tam (my brother) and instead of a lot of stuff, I get to do almost anything I want to (Ma-mere says within reason) . When people found out that Auntie Leia was going to have a baby, they sent so much stuff it took _weeks_ to sort through it all, and the same thing happened when the new baby was announced for Pay-pa. At first I thought it was really neat, but then it seemed to be just _too_ much. They (all the grown ups) sat around and talked about it and even asked _me_ what _I_ thought we should do. It kinda scared me Tam, because it was a big decision and I didn't want to mess it up! But I told them I thought we could share it because there are some people who have _nothing_ ( I saw a lot of that on Corellia) and maybe it would make them a little happy. Pay-pa was so pleased with me! He said that it was a very grown up choice and I'll be a good Jedi someday and he was so proud of me.

Uncle Han asked Ma-mere what she was giving Pay-pa for _his_ Life-day, and Ma-mere just laughed and said that it was something that no-one else could give him, and Uncle Han said "except maybe your brother," and Ma-mere just laughed even harder and said that she doubted that Pay-pa would like that, and that Uncle Toa might object as well. Then they all started laughing harder when I asked what it was and Uncle Chewie said "a lock of his hair".

I just don't get grown ups.

Uncle Han ended up getting Auntie Leia a very pretty bracelet that came from her home world of Alderaan, and some sweets for 'later'. Uncle Chewie bought her some pretty new shoes, and Ma-mere got her a really nice dress that she can only wear in private because you can see right through it. Ma-mere said it seemed it was more of a present for Uncle Han than for her! I had enough credits to buy Auntie Leia some pretty hair clips (she has such long pretty hair!) and Ma-mere helped me buy a little mini holo recorder (for Pay-pa) that is smaller than my hand that has me and my Ma-mere in it, so he can take us with him when he goes away. I hope he likes it!

Love,

Pem


	6. Chapter 6

**

Dear Tam,

Toa came and to help me get dressed so he could take me out because Ma-mere is still very sick – Gra-mere and Uncle Kay are staying with her today.

I heard Ma-mere arguing with them (Gra-mere, Uncle Kay) that she didn't want to rest, that she was just _fine_ and had a lot to do like cleaning and stuff before the baby comes, but most importantly that she didn't want them to get a hold of Pay-pa because he would worry.

Gra-mere got really stern with her and even called her by her full name, and told her that Pay-pa _already knows_ that something's _wrong_ and the only reason he hadn't commed is because he's most likely 'barreling through Hyper-space' to get here. Gra-mare and Kay wanted Ma-mere to drink the special sleepy tea that Gra-mere made, but that made Ma-mere even madder and she said some bad things, and even said that Pay-pa probably _shouldn't_ come home because when he's here he's not! (This is when Toa took me to get dressed because I got scared).

They got really quiet after that, and I cried even though I tried not to. Toa said it was because Ma-mere is lonely for Pay-pa and a little scared too, because it's almost time for the baby to arrive, and it was the 'fear' talking. I asked Toa if that meant Ma-mere was going to go all 'dark-side' (something bad, I've heard Pay-pa talk about it) or even worse, would Pay-pa and Ma-mere leave each other.

Toa said that all grown ups have fights sometimes, even him and Kay, and it didn't mean they loved each other less, but I still couldn't stop crying. Toa was really gentle and held me close and rocked me, and hummed a nice pretty tune (he said it's from his home world) and I felt so safe and warm. I think I even went to sleep for a little bit then because the next thing I knew, I was dressed and Toa was taking me back out to the living room, and I felt OK then.

Ma-mere was lying on the couch with her head in Gra-mere's lap, and Uncle Kay was crouched next to her with his hands on her tummy (which is SO big now!) and whispering something – I think he was talking to the baby! Ma-mere opened her eyes a little and smiled at me. She said she was _really_ sleepy, and would it be OK if Toa took me out for pali-tarts while she rested. I told her that sounded like fun, and she was glad because she knew I was no longer upset. I asked her if Pay-pa was coming home and she sighed that she didn't know, but probably very soon. I started to get really mad, but then almost as if he knew it would make me feel better, I could almost hear Toa's song again and I really wanted those pali-tarts!

**

Pay-pa came home tonight! Ma-ere was still sleeping, but she woke up a little when Pay-Pa came through the door. I thought that they would just go to bed together and maybe even 'make up', but Pay-pa just gave her a little kiss and came out to see me.

He seemed so sad, I took him in my arms and held him tight and tried to hum Toa's song but I couldn't remember it. That made him smile, so I guess I remembered enough of it!

Pay-pa asked me if I wanted to go with him to see the Temple before it opened tomorrow, so we are going, just me and my Pay-pa because he thinks Ma-mere will just sleep tomorrow.

Really Tam, I can't wait until the baby is born and everything is OK again.

Love,

Pem


	7. Chapter 7

**

Dear Tam,

Oh Goddess! Where to start today? I am _officially_ a sister and an Auntie now!

My little brother was born at the Jedi Temple today, up in what Pay-pa calls the Council _Chamber_ – it's a big room where all the head Jedi will meet. Pay-pa and Gra-mere will be a part of the main council, Kay and Toa will 'advise', and Ma-mere will come to some of the meeting but she says she's not ready to be a Jedi Master like Pay-pa.

My brother's name is going to be "Ben". I know Ma-mere thinks it's a funny name, but 'Ben' was Pay-pa's first teacher and Pay-pa wants to honor him. He is _really_ little, Ma-mere says he's the same size I was and Tam when we were born, but I don't think I was ever _that_ tiny! He has light hair like Pay-pa and when you can see his eyes, they are blue. Pay-pa thinks they may become brown like Ma-mere's but Ma-mere says it seems that all of Pay-pa's babies have his eyes. I asked Pay-pa if he had _more_ babies somewhere else, and he got embarrassed and said he was 'pretty sure'. I wanted to ask if it was because he was like Uncle Toa who only was with other boys, but I could tell that this was something that was _'too grown up to talk about right now',_ but then I remembered that my Pay-pa isn't interested in boys at all because I heard him talking to Uncle Han about it once. I'll tell you about that some other time though.

Auntie Leia's babies are called Jaina and Jacen, and I get to see them tomorrow. They are at the Healer's center but will go home really soon as Kay said that they (the babies and Auntie Leia) are really strong and healthy.

We are going to move into a 'family part' of the Jedi Temple soon! Pay-pa says that our apartment is too small for four people. It's funny to think of baby Ben as a full person, but I guess he'll need his own room soon in case Ma-mere and Pay-pa have _another_ baby soon after.

But the biggest thing I want to tell you about is my boy-friend, Nico! He kissed me at the Temple when Ben was born. He is older than me as he is 10 (he thinks), and he is very cute! I haven't told Pay-pa or Ma-mere about it yet, and he wouldn't hold my hand in front of Pay-pa or Ma-mere. In fact, he acted like nothing had happened! Maybe he is afraid Pay-pa will cut him up with a lightsaber if he found out?

Oh well, much as I want to see Auntie Leia's babies, I can't wait to see Nico again. As Auntie Gi is his Jedi Master, maybe they will be at the Healer's center tomorrow?

I hope so!

Love,

Pem


	8. Chapter 8

***

Dear Tam,

We (Pay-Pa and I) went to see Auntie Leia and the twins today. It was kinda fun but a little scary as a whole load of people and droid remotes from the Holo-net tried to follow us pushing recorders in his face and asking if he'd seen Auntie Leia yet, and how Ma-mere was (they don't know that she had the baby yet) . I had a really scary moment when someone grabbed my arm despite all of our protection, but in the same moment Pay-pa had his lightsaber out, and cut of that nasty old droid's arm!

Then he wrapped me up in his cloak which covered me completely and while I was underneath, I… _pushed_ and almost all of them got thrown back except for me and Pay-Pa. I knew that I had lost control (as Pay-pa told me) and we almost ran – I should say Pay-pa almost ran – more like jumped back and took me back into our apartment. Ma-mere came out into the living room as soon as we were inside, all worried with Ben glued to her breast (he sure does eat a lot for a little baby!) and asked what had happened. Pay-pa told her that everything was OK, but thought it would be best if I stayed with Ma-mere for now.

I asked Pay-pa if it was because I had been bad, and he said 'No' (and I could tell he was being honest with me) but it wasn't safe for us. Then he told Ma-mere that we would be moving into the family quarters at the Temple as soon as possible. Ma-mere agreed with him, and to make me feel better, that once Ben finished his supper and was asleep for a little while we could make sweet tarts and a couple other treats for Auntie Leia.

Before he left, Pay-pa told me that tonight he promised to help me work on 'self control' so I can manage my 'Force abilities' better. I wanted to tell him that Uncle Kay had been teaching me some things, but I remembered that Kay said it should be a secret for now so we can surprise Pay-Pa and Ma-mere later on.

I haven't seen Nico since Ben was born, but Ma-mere says he's probably busy at the Temple and hopefully I'll see him soon.

Love,

Pem


	9. Chapter 9

**

Dear Tam,

We moved into the 'family quarters' today at the Temple today! I have my own room which is bigger than my room back on Corellia and even bigger than the one we just moved from. Vitty can sit on my window sill and look out and Pay-pa says _Nobody_ can see in from outside! Uncle Kay says I can 'dance naked in the moonlight and worship the Goddess' if I wanted to, but I don't know why I'd want to do that.

Ma-mere is already feeling better, and has even started training again, just a little. She and Pay-pa and I finally got to meet the twins (well, Pay-pa already had) and we all (but for the babies) got to have a little Corellian wine. Of course mine and Auntie Leia's and Ma-mere's was watered down a little, but it made me giggly. I got to hold Auntie Leia's babies one at a time (Auntie Leia said I was more confident than Uncle Han! ) and then we came back to our new home.

I wanted to go to the Healer's ward to see if Nico was there, but Ma-mere said it was late, and to be honest, I was sleepy, so Pay-pa offered to read me a story once I finished my letter to you.

I really want Pay-pa's story as he's going to tell me about 'Ben' (not baby Ben, but the Ben who he's named after) so I'll close early.

Love,

Pem


	10. Chapter 10

**

Dear Tam,

Today was a mixed kinda day. I finally saw Nico, but he was acting really weird. He was with Master Gi and a few other Healers (Not Uncle Kay or Toa or even Gra-mere) and when I said 'Hi' he acted like he didn't see me.

At first I thought he hadn't heard me, but then Master Gi saw me, and although she smiled, I know she was unhappy. She said that Uncle Kay was looking for me and they had to go, and finally Nico smiled at me when he thought Master Gi wasn't looking.

I knew because of the Force that it wasn't a good time to try to talk to him, but it still made me mad, and when I found Uncle Kay and Uncle Toa, they knew it.

I told them what had happened and Kay said it's because Gi thinks that Jedi shouldn't form _any_ attachments at all, even friendly ones. I told him that I thought Nico was more than just a friend, that he was my _boyfriend_ and that Gi was just a mean old (bad word which I don't want to write even though I said it). Uncle Toa was shocked, but Uncle Kay just laughed, and said that everything was going to be OK, and then he asked if I wanted to go out and practice my 'special' lessons.

Toa got a funny look on his face and asked Kay if he thought it was right to start doing these lessons so early, and maybe he should leave them to Pay-pa, but Kay only laughed again. He said that my gifts needed to be directed early, and that Pay-pa was too busy with the rest of the Jedi to give me a proper education, so he was only filling in the gaps.

Toa didn't have anything to say about that, so we went to another part of the Temple where a Kay gives me my special lessons.

It's a small room near a side entrance of Temple where a couple people sat waiting for us. It's never the same people, and they are always so calm and happy when we arrive (Uncle Kay says it's because they are paid well but I'm not sure). And then for about an hour, I have to practice making them do or repeat what I say to them. At first it was hard, and Uncle Kay had to help, but as we practiced, I got better at it. (Uncle Kay says it used to be called a 'Jedi Mind Trick' but that's just a term only 'stupid, uneducated people' use.) Sometimes I think it's mean, but today I was feeling mean so… it was like that. The problem is, I think I may have accidentally over done it today. I wanted the lady to squawk like a harpy-bird, but I couldn't make her stop! I'm glad that Kay put her to sleep by waving his hand over her eyes and said he could help her, (and he said soon he'll teach me that too) but it scared me a little.

We had some ardees after my lesson (and the lady was back to normal, thank the goddess!) and Kay made it so they thought that they all had only delivered some stuff and they went away really happy, and well paid, and I went back 'home'.

When I walked in the door, Ma-mere and Pay-pa were sitting on the couch (_really_ close together and kissing,) Ma-mere's shirt was open even though Ben was asleep in his cot in the other room – I think she must had just finished feeding him – but as soon as they saw me, Ma-mere began to quickly close up her shirt and Pay-pa came and scooped me up in his arms, asking how my day went.

I told him that I had seen Gi and the other Healers (but not about Nico) and had drank ardees with Uncle Kay, and had been practicing some things, and that seemed to make him happy. He also said that Gra-mere is going to going to come watch Ben and I while he and Ma-mere go for a little walk, after last meal, if that was all right with me. I like it that they ask, because if I said I wanted them around they would stay, but I know that it'll be good for them, and I want my Ma-mere and Pay-Pa to be happy!

Pay-pa sent me to wash up then, and over last meal, Pay-pa and Ma-mere kept touching hands and looking at each other all sloppy eyed, so I was really glad when Gra-mare showed up so Ma-mere and Pay-pa could go for their walk.

Love,

Pem


	11. Chapter 11

**

Dear Tam,

Ma-mere and Pay-pa slept in late this morning – or at least I think they were sleeping, I _think_ I heard Pay-pa snoring or groaning or some such, and Ma-mere just giggling, but then Ben started crying his 'hungry' cry (after two weeks I'm already learning!) and when Ma-mere came out of the bedroom, she was wearing Pay-pa's sleep pants and a robe. While Pay-pa got washed up, Ma-mere fed baby Ben and she was humming a nice little tune, and was trying not to laugh, like she had a secret.

When Pay-pa came out, he was already dressed and was hiding something behind his back with a big smile on his face.

"Do you know what today is, Little Pilot?" he asked, and I told him I didn't (I'm still having a little trouble with the dates here on the Core) and he got an even bigger grin on his face and said, "Why, Little Pilot, it's your Life-day! You're ten years old now!" and then he showed me what he had been hiding behind his back.

It was my very own lightsaber!

I turned it on, oh so carefully, and a short blue light came out, and I held it up to show Ma-mere.

"Be careful with that Pem," Ma-mere said gently. "I don't think it can cut through flesh on that setting, but it might burn!"

"I will, Ma-mere, I promise!" I told her. "Can I take it out into the Temple now?"

"After first meal," she told me. "And only for a little while. We have guest coming this afternoon for a party…"

"Like who?"

"All the family of course," she told me, and then list off some friends as well, including Nico!

I had thought Nico had left with Master Gi because I hadn't seen him since that one day, and not long after, Master Gi decided to leave the Temple (I think she didn't like the fact that Pay-pa was so firm about Jedi having life mates being all right). I guess he's going to train under Uncle Kay and Toa instead which means I'll see him more often! I hope he still wants to be my boyfriend now!

I was about to go out when Pay-pa called back to me that I shouldn't forget my lessons for today (I can really levitate a big weight now without dropping it!) and I asked if just for today could I skip it? He rubbed his chin all thoughtful like, and then said it could be a different lesson, and I almost asked if it was like Kay's lessons, but then I remembered it was still a secret. I think Pay-pa was too distracted by Ma-mere touching his shoulder to notice that I was hiding something.

I took my lightsaber out into the private court yard and practiced for a while, and when I came back, both Ma-mere and Pay-pa were dressed, and cleaning up after first meal.

More later maybe because right now we have to get ready for my party!

Love,

Pem


	12. Chapter 12

**

Dear Tam,

My Life-day party was very nice! The whole house was _full _of people! Aunties, and uncles, and babies! Gra-mere brought over her new friend Leibé who is really pretty, she is about Gra-mere's age – maybe younger (not as young as Ma-mere or Auntie Leia) with long pretty blond hair, and green eyes, and she is very soft and curvier than either Gra-mere or most of my Aunties. Ma-mere was surprised to meet her because Gra-mere said Leibé was her _special_ friend, and she hoped that Ma-mere would understand. Ma-mere's lips got a little thin, but she said they would talk about it later. Uncle Kay (who already had met Leibé) told Ma-mere not to be such a stick, especially today, and Ma-mere let it go for now.

I like Leibé though – she's not a Jedi like Gra-mere, (or most of my other family) but she's very ready with cuddles and she makes my Gra-mere smile a lot, not the sad smile that she had when Grey-pa died, but a _real_ smile, something I didn't even know how much I missed!

Nico came with Uncle Toa a little later, and at first he was acting all shy, so I decided to play like it didn't matter that he'd been such a bantha-butt, and stayed with a whole bunch of people because I knew he'd only talk to me when I was alone! Finally, when all the adults were off talking and the new Ma-mere's were resting (I let Auntie Leia sleep in my room and the twins got to share Ben's cot) and the other kids had started a game, Nico finally got brave enough to find me (I pretended I had to use the fresher) and he followed me there (because he knew I was only pretending to need the fresher.)

He gave me a pretty flower (that had wilted a bit, but then he used the Force to make it bloom again!) and said he was sorry, and that Aunt Gi and Uncle Kay had had a long talk and decided that he would be happier here than with her.

Then he asked if he could kiss me again, and I said yes, as long as he still wanted to be my boy-friend, but he couldn't make love to me because I didn't want to have a baby yet. He got all embarrassed, and asked how much I knew about _that_, and I told him honestly, I didn't know that much, but that older people do it a _lot_, but kissing isn't the same (no babies from that).

Then he said "OK", and asked if he could kiss me again, and it was nice. It was slower this time because he and I were ready for it. He also took my hand, and now my insides felt all funny, but in a good way, but before long, I heard Pay-pa calling me saying it was time for sweet cake and presents, but I think I got the very best present from Nico as he's now my boy-friend forever! He even held my hand as we walked out.

Uncle Han laughed and said that love was in the air, and then I saw Gra-mere looking at Leibé and saying 'yes it is'. Ma-mer's lips got all thin again, but Pay-pa kissed her and told her everything was ok, and it was.

Love,

Pem


	13. Chapter 13

**

Dear Tam,

I'm sorry I haven't written, it's been a busy few weeks.

Nico is no longer my boyfriend, but he's still my friend. We really didn't do a lot more than kiss and hold hands, and he's training to be a Healer, so his lessons in the Force have a different focus than mine.

Pay-pa has been gone on another mission, but only for a couple days now (and will be back soon). Ma-mere and Auntie Leia get to 'trade off' baby time, and today Auntie Leia has Ben so Ma-mere is taking 'Aubé time' (which she really needs) so after lessons with Uncle Kay (which are going really well, he's going to take me out and practice on 'regular people' soon) I went to see Gra-mere.

Leibé is now sharing Gra-mere's home, and to be honest, Ma-mere isn't really happy about that, but Leibé wasn't there when I got there so I could talk to her.

I asked Gra-mere if she still missed Grey-pa (there are holos of him around with Gra-mere and other people) and she said 'with all her heart', but Leibé was a special friend who kept her from being lonely, and made her happy. She told me that Grey-pa had come to her in a dream and told her that _he_ was happy that she was, and he would always love her. Then I asked Gra-mere is she _loved_ Leibé, and she sighed and said yes, she did, and that Leibé loved her too, and she hoped that I would understand.

I asked her how she met Leibé, and Gra-mere relaxed a bit then. She said Leibé had come to the Healer's center a few months ago, not long after Grey-pa died to help out, and they had become friends really quickly. The went out to meals together a few times, and Gra-mere knew that Leibé kinda knew through the Force that Leibé liked her, and then one night, when she (Gra-mere) was feeling especially sad, Leibé came over to her apartment and made some nice food and brought a little wine, which 'loosened her lips' and she said that she said she was afraid that she was falling in love with my Gra-mere. Gram-mere said that Leibé got all ashamed and embarrassed, and wanted to leave, but Gra-mere said that maybe she could feel the same way about Leibé, and they could 'see what happened'. Leibé said she knew she couldn't (and didn't want to) try to replace Grey-pa, and that this was all new to her (falling in love with another woman) but Gra-mere told her that it would be OK, and that _her_ first love was a woman too! (I don't know if Ma-mere knows) So, in the end, Gra-mere has someone to share some time with.

I asked Gra-mere if it was OK that I only liked boys (even though Nico is still a bantha's butt, there are other boys I like) and Gra-mere said that 'love was not bound by any rules' and 'I could love anyone I chose', so I felt good about that.

Not long after, Leibé came 'home' and at first pretended that she was just Gra-mere's house mate, then Gra-mere told her that I knew and it was OK, and Leibé's face all lit up, and she _kissed_ my Gra-mere full on the lips and gave me a big hug, saying how happy she was. Then she sat on the couch right next to my Gra-mere with her arm around her, and they were holding hands. I felt so good about them sharing their secret, that I finally told Gra-mere about Uncle Kay's special lessons.

Oh Goddess, was Gra-mere _MAD_ (but she quickly told me it was _not_ my fault) and said that she would be talking to Uncle Kay really soon, and that I can't do them any more, even though I'm really good. She also said not to tell Pay-pa or Ma-mere, that _she_ would 'handle it'. I got a little scared because all along I kinda _knew_ that Pay-pa would not approve, but Gra-mere said not to worry, that she would handle things.

Gra-mere is the 'Matriarch' of the family, so her word is usually law but I have a bad feeling about all of this.

Love,

Pem


	14. Chapter 14

**

Dear Tam,

If I though Gra-mere was going to be mad at Uncle Kay, that was _nothing_ compared to how angry my Ma-mere was.

She told Kay (over the holo-net) that he was _never_ to do it again, and things like 'what are you going to teach her next Kay? How to (a really nasty word for what grown ups do.) '

Kay got all mad himself and said that 'it was up to someone to teach her (me) how to use my Jedi Powers' and when Ma-mere told him that was her and Pay-pa's job, Kay said that she and Pay-pa were too busy (that word again) 'ing to teach me anything worth while!

At that point Ma-mere slammed her fist down on the cut-off button so hard I think she broke it, and I got scared and ran into my room and grabbed Vitty. I heard Ben crying but I knew that Ma-mere wouldn't be mad at him, and a few minutes later I heard her trying to give him the breast which usually quiets him (but it didn't this time).

Then she came into my room with a squalling Ben and asked me if I wanted to come with her to Gra-mere's, and although I knew she was still _really_ mad, it wasn't at me, so I said yes, and we had a speeder come and pick us up to take us there.

When we got there, Gra-mere wasn't home, only Leibé and at first Ma-mere wanted to go to the Healer's center and 'beat the living (you know what') out of Uncle Kay, but Ben was still fussing and Ma-mere was in a state. After a minute, Ma-mere allowed Leibé to take Ben while she went to wash her face and when she came back, not only was Ben quiet, but he was nearly asleep in Leibé's arms!

Ma-mere was ready to get angry again, and said that Leibé had used the Force to quiet Ben, but Leibé reminded her that she _can't_ really use the Force, and that she just had a lot of experience with new babies. She said that babies liked her 'soft bumpy bits' because there was so much of it and Ma-mere nearly actually laughed!

Then Leibé asked if Ma-mere would make us some tea because Gra-mere was on her way home (Ma-mere frowned here – I guess she doesn't like the idea about how much Leibé knows about what's going on in our family) and she had me sit down next to her.

Instead of asking me about Uncle Kay, she asked me about my friends and if I had found a new boy-friend yet (I have – three now but I don't kiss any of them!) and if I liked being a big sister (I do) and then Ma-mere came in with the tea and milk for me.

Ma-mere took Ben back and he decided he wanted the breast after all, and Ma-mere sighed and said she didn't remember me and Tam ever being this hungry, and Leibé said that she knew about my brother Tam, and that she was sorry, and Ma-mere just grunted. Ma-mere then asked Leibé if _she_ ever had any children of her own (maybe she thinks Gra-mere and Leibé will have a baby?) and Leibé said yes, she had a son, but he died during 'the War' which made Ma-mere jump a little.

"I'm sorry," Ma-mere muttered, not knowing what to say, but Leibé only smiled and said it was a long time ago, and that he died serving the Republic, (trying to restore it) when he was sixteen. It was funny because his Pay-pa had died serving the _Empire_, but Leibé had always helped in the refugees camps after he died.

Gra-mere also worked in the refugee camps during 'the War', and Ma-mere asked Leibé when she had come back to the Core, and Leibé told her that it wasn't long ago, she had heard that the Jedi were returning and she wanted to help, and then she'd met Gra-mere, and well, that was that.

They changed the subject after that, (and didn't talk about Uncle Kay at all) until Gra-mere came home. Gra-mere wanted to talk to Ma-mere 'in private' about 'it' and asked if Leibé would like to take me for a walk while they did and Ben napped. I _really_ wanted to hear what they had to say, but Ma-mere got that stubborn look on her face, so Leibé and I went for our walk.

I hope Ma-mere doesn't stay mad at Uncle Kay too long, I mean, he was only trying to help after all…

Love,

Pem


	15. Chapter 15

(With Thanks to Matthew Stover for some inspiration here)

**

Dear Tam,

Well, almost as soon as Pay-pa came back, Ma-mere told him about my lessons with Uncle Kay. I thought he was going to talk to me right away but instead, he got all thoughtful and went to 'Meditate' on it for a while. About an hour later, he called me into his private mediation room and asked me to sit down.

I sat down on the mat across from him and waited. I know Pay-pa is proud of the fact that I _can_ sit still when it's really important, and I knew this was _really_ important to Pay-pa.

It was really strange at first. He seemed really sad, and asked me all kinds of questions about other stuff. How I was feeling (rotten and sad because he was), how I liked Gra-mere's friend (I do a lot) and finally, he asked me why I hadn't told him about my _other_ lessons.

Oh Tam, I wanted to throw myself into his arms and ask him to forgive me! I told him that I thought he would be happy that I was learning to be such a good Jedi when he was away, and couldn't teach me himself, and that seemed to make him even _more_ sad!

He sat there for a minute with his eyes closed while I tried not to cry, I know he was deciding whether to handle this either like Pay-pa or 'Jedi Master Luke'. In the end I think he decided to do a bit of both.

He opened up is arms and took me into them and said, "Little Pilot, (and I knew he wasn't upset with me) you should know there's so much more to the Force than using it to make people do things." (That's not exactly what he said, but you know.) and I said, "I know, you also use it to lift things and swing a lightsaber. That is, if you are a Jedi Warrior!"

He laughed then, a funny laugh (not 'ha-ha' funny, but strange funny) and said an old friend once told him that 'wars do not make one great', and there was much more to being a Jedi than that, and asked me if I understood.

I wanted to tell him I did, but that would have been lying (and Pay-pa would have known) and Pay-pa tried to explain things to me. He said that being a Jedi and being able to 'touch the Force' was like being a super bright light in the Galaxy. That as Jedi, our job is to help light the way for other people, and to help shine the good in people. I asked him if this meant that Uncle Kay was a _bad_ Jedi, and he said 'No', but Uncle Kay had different ideas, and someday I would have to decide what kind of Jedi I would be and what path I would take.

I asked him if he knew what one that was, and he said it would ultimately be up to me, but he would help guide me if I wanted. Needless to say, I said "YES" and he _knew_ I meant it, and that made him happy (which made _me_ happy.)

He was going to meditate some more before bed-time and asked if I wanted to learn how to _really_ meditate, and of course I said yes again! He said he knew I had another 'big' question (Pay-pa _always_ seems to know!) and to go ahead and ask.

I took a deep breath and asked him if using the Force to make people obey me was a bad thing, and he though about it for a minute. Finally, he said it should only be used as a 'last resort', and there were better ways to solve problems, and he would start teaching me as soon as possible. He's even going to put off an important meeting until later in the week to make sure my 'training gets off to the right start this time'. He said the "New Council" could wait.

I really love my Pay-pa…

Love,

Pem


	16. Chapter 16

**

Dear Tam,

I know it's been a long time since I've written, and I'm sorry, but Pay-pa has been gone on one of his longer 'missions' and writing to you makes me feel less lonely.

Ben is crawling around all over the place, and is 'driving Ma-mere to distraction'. It seems she can't turn her back even for a minute without him getting into something! And if he can't crawl (or wiggle) to get it, he brings it to himself (some things using the Force) and sticks it in his mouth! I had to wash baby drool off of Vitty so many times it's not even funny, so most of the time I let Ben have him (except late at night because I really miss Pay-pa.) Vitty doesn't mind though.

Auntie Leibé said that 'Ben is really advanced for his age' (three months) and Ma-mere sighed and said it was 'probably a Skywalker thing' because me and Tam were 'just as busy'. Auntie Leia's twins don't move around as much but they try to talk more, making funny sounds (a lot of them almost sound like little wookiee noises!). Uncle Han says they will be speaking wookiee before they speak Basic!

Ma-mere and Auntie Leibé have become friends now, even though I know Ma-mere still finds it hard that Gra-mere is with her, but she like's Auntie Leibé enough to let her take care of me and Ben when she goes out with Uncle Han and Chewie and Auntie Leia during the rare times that Auntie Leia does negotiations for the Republic. Uncle Han says having a Jedi around is a good 'back up' and if it isn't Pay-pa, it might as well be his 'best student' (which makes Ma-mere kinda play mad at Uncle Han – she tells him if he wants a 'student' he can always take one of the older kids, and he tells her that all of them are afraid to get their hands greasy helping him and Chewie on the Falcon, so it might as well be her.)

Today I had some history lessons with a new teacher who is what Uncle Kay calls a 'Null' (Pay-pa _hates_ that name, he says all life is special) because she can't touch the Force (even a little, like Uncle Han can even though he doesn't believe it) called 'Miss Vassor'.

I don't know if I'll like 'Miss Vassor' because she grew up here on the Core during the time of the Empire (and she doesn't know that I know because Tam, I admit I peeked) and really doesn't think it was all that bad. She calls us all by our last names, so I am _Miss Skywalker_ (and she has a funny was of saying it, almost like it's dirty) and my friends are _Master Janson_ and _Miss Sunstrider_ and _Miss Cain_. Miss Vassor said that during the time of the Empire, there was peace in the Galaxy, and nobody went hungry, and the Rebellion was more about greedy people than 'freedom'. I told Ma-mere about it, and she got 'that look', and sighed. Then she took me on to her lap and said that the Rebellion was about much more than that, and for every lesson Miss Vassor gives me, she (or Pay-Pa or Uncle Han or Auntie Leia) would tell me the other side. I asked her _why_ I had to keep taking lessons from her if she was so wrong, and Ma-mere sighed and said it was important for me to 'get a broader world view', but if things got really bad, we could talk about changing teachers.

We didn't talk about it any more because Ben needed to be fed so we could have last meal, and I know Ma-mere is worried about Pay-pa, he's been gone a long time without checking in. She misses Pay-pa _a lot_.

So do I.

Love,

Pem


	17. Chapter 17

**

Dear Tam,

Well, now I _know_ something's not right, despite the fact that Ma-mere tried to hide it from me.

This morning I over heard Ma-mere and Uncle Han (and Uncle Chewie) arguing in the sitting room. Ma-mere said that even Auntie Leia agreed that Pay-pa was probably 'in trouble' and 'By the Force she was going to do something about it!'

Uncle Han said that 'if she went and got herself _killed_ that could leave me and Ben as 'orphans' and what good would that do?' And Ma-mere started shouting saying that he (Pay-pa) was _not dead_ (thank the Goddess I knew that) and 'there was a big difference between being _dead_ and in trouble, but that could change unless _she_ went after him.

Then Uncle Han got all puffed up like a big blower fish and said that 'he and Chewie and the Rogues would get his (butt) out of what ever sling that (Pay-pa) had got himself into, no matter how high up it was, even if it took the whole fleet!'

Ma-mere started to cry then (which is something I haven't seen since before Ben was born) and so did Ben so I snuck into his room to try to sooth him, but Ma-mere caught me. She asked me how much I had heard and I told her everything. I tried to be brave, but then I started to cry too so all three of us were crying. Ma-mere took Ben, and Uncle Han took me into his arms and told me that I should be a brave girl like my Pay-pa.

I told him it was hard and that I was scared, but he said that my Pay-pa was one of the smartest and bravest men in the Galaxy, and sometimes that even _he_ needed help. Then he said that he and Pay-pa and Chewie had 'been in tougher scrapes' and 'where Pay-pa's negotiation skills didn't work, negations from the point of a good blaster backed up by the fleet's finest would.'

I told him I wanted to go with him, that Ma-mere could stay with Ben, and he said no. He told me that there might be a lot of 'rough language involved' and it was better if I didn't hear it. I told him that it didn't matter, that I knew a whole load of bad words, and I would use them if it would help my Pay-pa! He _still_ said 'No', and though I though about trying the 'trick', I knew Pay-pa said that I could _never_ use it on him, so that was out. Instead, I made him promise to bring Pay-pa home as soon as he could. I also gave him Vitty to take for good luck.

Uncle Han got tears in his eyes then, and promised me that he would bring back both Pay-pa _and_ Vitty before the next moon cycle, and he swore it on his 'bloodstripes'.

Later, Ma-mere said that it was the most solemn oath any Corellian could give, and that he would do it or 'die trying', so I should have faith. She said Pay-pa _will_ be home, it was just a matter of time.

I only wish she would have looked at me when she said it.

Love,

Pem


	18. Chapter 18

**

Dear Tam,

Pay-pa still isn't home, but Uncle Han has been holo-comming Ma-mere every day, and sometimes even twice. Today, he even held up Vitty for me and Ben to kiss, and got a surprise when Vitty flew out of his hand! Ben was really upset that when Vitty disappeared from the view that he didn't fly into his arms, but it even made Ma-mere laugh (me too!). Uncle Han even coms when there is 'no news, but that's good news' but I really wish there would be _some_ news soon. I don't even care if Pay-pa is mad at me when he comes home because I have to get a new 'regular lessons' teacher.

What happened is, Miss Vassor was talking about the days before the Rebellion (it isn't part of our lessons normally, but Miss Vassor is always willing to talk about "The Great Empire") and I guess it was in part because I'm tired and worried about Pay-pa that I got mad at her and asked why if the Empire was so good, why did people like Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé have to work in refugee camps and help starving people?

She got _really_ mad at me then, and said that 'she expected nothing less from the granddaughter of the traitor Darth Vader'! I called her a big fat _liar_ , and a few other things, and she told me to 'get out and not come back ever!' I told her that I wouldn't come back to her lessons for a _million credits_ and that my Grey-pa was a great Jedi anyway!

I was too scared to go to Auntie Leia's (where Ma-mere is at today) and decided to talk t Uncle Toa and Uncle Kay instead. (I guess I could have asked Gra-mere, but I don't want her to know how I left lessons early).

Uncle Toa was busy with Nico, so I talked to Uncle Kay, and I told him what that mean old cow had said. Uncle Kay got really mad and said that he was 'tempted to go and give her a real Jedi Mind (bad word), and that 'she was probably so tight she could use a real one too'.

Then he said he didn't want me to worry, but that he had rumors (maybe through the Force?) that Pay-pa would be home soon, and that I would have a regular new lessons teacher before then. I asked what would happen to Miss Vassor, and he said that he would talk to Auntie Leia and let her handle it. It's a good thing too because I think Ma-mere would cut off her mean old head and Auntie Leia is good at dealing with stupid mean people.

Love,

Pem

(Later)

Dear Tam,

I am excited and very scared at the same time. Late tonight I woke up because I heard Ma-mere talking to Uncle Han (he was using a regular com and not the holo-cam this time.) He said that they had found Pay-Pa (Yay!) but he 'wasn't looking too good' and that 'he was going to take him right to the Healer's Center because no one there had the know – how to fix him up proper'. He said they would be there in a few hours, but Ma-mere wanted to be there when they arrived.

I was already getting dressed when Ma-mere called to me, so we got out of the house and took a speeder to the other part of the Temple because it would be faster than trying to run and carry Ben too. Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé and Auntie Leia will be waiting there for us, so I will write more when I know what's happening,

Love,

Pem


	19. Chapter 19

**

Dear Tam,

I am very sleepy as I have been up all night, but I wanted to write to you before I went to sleep.

They brought Pay-pa into the Healer's Center on a repulsor stretcher and he looked _so_ bad that at first they didn't want me to see him! His face was all hurt and his fake hand was all burned with the wires coming out. They had a mask over his face to help him breath and he was asleep, Uncle Han had tucked Vitty under his other arm (which looked just as hurt as the rest of him) and all of his cloths were dirty and burned. Uncle Han and Uncle Chewie didn't look too much better, but at least they could walk in under their own power.

Uncle Kay was mad because he said that they had given Pay - pa too many drugs to make him sleep when a Healing trance would have helped better, and Uncle Han snapped that they hadn't had much choice and he winced because I think his arm is broken. Uncle Kay asked why they hadn't stopped at one of the Healer's outpost and Uncle Han (who was getting mad enough to hit Uncle Kay even with his broken arm) said it wasn't as if Healer's Centers were like nerf-burger stands, and besides, he thought Luke (Pay-pa) deserved and needed the best.

Uncle Kay actually smiled then, and put his hand on Uncle Han's _other_ shoulder, and told him that they had 'done a good job' and that if he would go with Uncle Toa, he would 'patch him and Chewie up'. Auntie Leia asked to go with him to help and Toa said yes, while Auntie Leibé would watch all the babies. Auntie Leia kissed Pay-pa before they left to the other room. Gram-mere took Ben and wanted me to stay with her and Auntie Leibé, and Ma-mere refused to leave Pay-pa's side. Uncle Kay said she could stay 'as long as she didn't get in the way' or 'be all girly' and my Ma-mere put on a brave face and said "OK". I wanted to help too, but they all said I would be a bigger help by helping with the babies.

It seemed like forever, but just before first light, Ma-mere said I could see Pay-pa if I was very quiet. She took me into the Healer's room where Pay-pa was in a regular bed. Uncle Han and Auntie Leia and Uncle Chewie were all there too (they were all asleep too, with Uncle Chewie in a chair and Auntie Leia snuggled next to Uncle Han on the extra bed.) He (Pay-pa) was cleaned up but covered in white bandages (Ma-mere said they were full of bacta which would help him heal faster) and still sleeping with Vitty back under his arm. I asked Ma-mere if I could talk to him, and she said if I was _really_ quiet, and I could even touch him if I was really gentle, but not to be surprised if he stayed asleep. Uncle Kay suggested that Ma-mere go feed Ben for a few and come get me after, and that he would stay until it was Uncle Toa's turn. Uncle Kay looked _really_ tired, but he knew I was going to ask, and he said that Pay-pa would be OK.

After Ma-mere left, I went over to the bed (Uncle Kay made a stool come over so I could get closer) and leaned over to my poor Pay-pa.

"Pay-pa?" I said. "Pay-pa, it's me Pem. Ma – mere said you probably can't hear me, but I wanted to tell you I came to see you," and then his eyes opened! He even smiled at me a little! I got kinda excited, and said his name again, and Auntie Leia woke up, and Uncle Kay came over too.

"Pem, is your father awake?" Auntie Leia asked softly, then she came over to see him. She smiled when she saw that he was. "Hey Luke," she said softly.

Uncle Kay stood at the head of the bed frowning, I know he wanted Pay-pa to rest but he was going to let us see him for a minute.

Pay-pa smiled a little bit more as Auntie Leia took his hand. Auntie Leia and Pay-pa have a kinda bond, so she could tell what he was thinking with out him actually saying anything.

"They're fine, Luke," Auntie Leia told him softly. "Han's got a broken arm and a few more scratches, but that's nothing new. Aubé is here too, just feeding Ben… She hasn't left your side once, and I don't think she's slept at all since you've been here…"

Pay-pa reached up to touch my face, even though it must have really hurt. I know what he was trying to say though. _Take care of your Ma-mere and baby Ben right now…_

I told him I would, and then Uncle Kay cleared his throat and said that this was enough, and Pay-pa needed to rest. Auntie Leia kissed Pay-pa on the fore-head just as Uncle Han started to wake up, and I kissed his hand.

Pay-Pa started to try to get up and say something, but before he could, Uncle Kay put his hand on Pay-pa's head and whispered for him to go to sleep in a really gentle voice, and after a minute, Pay-pa did.

Then Uncle Han sat up. "Luke's awake?" He asked, and then he said something like "Hot damn!" Auntie Leia shushed him and told him that Pay-pa had gone back to sleep and maybe he should too, but Uncle Han wanted to get up while Auntie Leia went to check on her babies.

I saw Uncle Han walk over to Uncle Kay, and I though he was going to get mad because he missed Pay-pa being awake, but he didn't! He asked Uncle Kay how Pay-pa was, and Uncle Kay said that his (Uncle Han's) actions 'probably saved his (Pay-pa's) life, and he should be proud'.

Uncle Han got all embarrassed and said that Pay-pa would have done the same thing, and then he did something really neat! He stuck out his (good) hand to shake Uncle Kay's!

Uncle Kay was embarrassed, but very pleased, and then Uncle Han said 'enough of this sloppy stuff' and was going to get some food and café for everyone. I'm too tired to eat, but Uncle Han said there would be something for me when I wake up, so I'm going to take a little sleep (Uncle Toa made up a bed for me with the babies) while Ma-mere stays with Pay-pa.

More soon,

Love

(a sleepy) Pem


	20. Chapter 20

**

Dear Tam,

It's been a couple days so I wanted to tell you how Pay-pa was doing. Uncle Kay said that Pay-pa could come home in a few days! There have been _so_ many people who want to come and see Pay-pa, that Uncle Kay has told them that they can only come at certain times (except us family of course!) and only 'by invitation'. There are _always_ a lot of people waiting, and sometimes I think Pay-pa gets worn out by all those people.

Ma-mere spends almost all her time at the Healer's center, so Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé take turns staying with me and Ben unless Ma-mere need to feed him, and then Ben stays with her next to Pay-pa. I get to be there almost as much as I want, but Pay-pa wants me to do as much of a 'normal' life a I can. This means boring old lessons!

I have a new teacher who is _really_ different from Miss Vassor (the Shaak cow). Ma-mere said he was from a place called 'Mon Calamari' and is even older than Gra-mere! His name is 'Master Vissen' and he has only _one_ eye (but it's HUGE!) . The first thing Master Vissen did was ask us what we knew about our families. I told him about Ma-mere and her Pay-pa, (and how he died) and Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé, and how I didn't know my Pay-pa's Gra-mere and then I went kinda quiet when it came to Pay-pa and _his_ Pay-pa, because I didn't want to hear him say horrible things like Miss Vassor had said.

Master Vissen said that he had known Grey-pa (Schurke) when _he_ was a little boy (and then he laughed a bit – one of those adult laughs that says 'I'm not going to tell you some things'!) and that he had also known Grey-pa Skywalker briefly. (It seems that Master Vissen knows a lot about all of us and our families anyway!) He told me that Grey-pa Skywalker had been 'like a sponge' when it came to knowledge, and was always asking questions. He also said that Grey-pa Skywalker had a real 'stubborn streak' (and he laughed a bit here) and 'a real sense of _Justice_. He told everyone a little something different (something good) about one of their family members, and said he hoped that we would 'find those qualities in ourselves'.

I like Master Vissen, and I wanted to ask him about what Miss Vassor had said, especially after last night, but then it was time for things like maths, and star charts, and some (had to look it up) 'Philosophy of the Force'.

After last meal with Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé, I get to go sit with Pay-pa (he only eats little meals like Ben and he takes _ages_) Sometimes Auntie Leia or Uncle Han and Chewie will be there, and I can sit next to him (Pay-pa) and he'll put his arm around me (they've fixed his hand so he has two again) while Ma-mere sleeps in the other bed. Sometimes Ben is with us (I'm trying to teach him to say 'Pay-pa' but all he does is giggle and blow nasty spitty bubbles) and we'll have _very quiet_ talks. He won't tell me how he got hurt, but only that there are some very bad people in the Galaxy. He also teases me about how big I'm getting, and calls me 'his little big light'.

I _want_ to talk to him about the bad dream I had, but I don't want him to not want to see me (Uncle Kay says we can't worry Pay-pa, so I'm not going to). It was really scary though. I dreamed that Pay-pa was fighting with a guy who was all in black and I couldn't see his face, and Miss Vassor was there calling them 'killers' and started cutting them up with a red lightsaber, and then my Pay-pa had no legs or arms, but my Pay-pa was _also_ the man in all black and he started killing everybody! Ma-mere, Grey-pa, Uncle Han and Auntie Leia and everybody, and when he came after me, I tried to scream but I couldn't breathe because all the wires were coming after me and I finally woke up. I couldn't tell Ma-mere what it was about so she thought it was because of how Pay-pa looked that night he came home.

Ma-mere offered to give me some sleepy tea, but I asked her if I could just sleep in her bed instead, and that was much better than any sleepy tea, so I dreamed about flying star ships instead.

I like that a lot better.

Love,

Pem


	21. Chapter 21

Dear Tam,

Pay-pa is _home, home, home_! Right now he walks with a cane (like Grey-pa had to) but he assures me that it's only for a little while. Maybe it's his artificial toe? But Tam, I don't think he _really_ has a fake toe, and I think Uncle Han was teasing me!

You see, when Pay-pa was feeling better, Uncle Han came by and asked how he was, and Pay-pa told him that Aubé (Ma-mere) was 'in for a surprise because the Medi-techs (the people who fixed his hand) gave him a new _appendage_' and he winked at Uncle Han. I asked what it was and Uncle Han said it was his little toe, and they both laughed.

But Pay-pa has a bad limp, and Uncle Kay said he was only allowing Pay-pa to go home as long as Ma-mere promised 'not to jump on him like a (rude word) rodent' or he would 'numb (Pay-pa's man part) for the next six months! He (Pay-pa) also has to go to the Healer's center every day, and sometimes I go with him. By the way, I don't think Pay-pa and Ma-mere _are_ doing anything lately because their bedroom is really quiet and Ma-mere is getting really grouchy.

I asked Ma-mere if maybe she wanted to find someone like Gra-mere did (I know there are some girls that think my Ma-mere is pretty and would 'do' things – again I know that's peeking, but some people are _so loud_! – to her,) and Ma-mere said 'No'.

I asked her "Why?" and told her about those people's thoughts (and how they _were_ so loud), so Ma-mere sat me down and had what she called 'The Talk'. She told me that sharing my body was the 'biggest gift' I could give someone, because it was giving them 'of myself', and if you loved someone, that was the 'ultimate expression of love and trust.' I told her how Gra-mere said that love was endless, and Ma-mere got a little uncomfortable, and had to think for a minute. She finally said that 'sharing your body love' was a _different_ kind of love, a _special_ kind of love, like she had with Pay-pa. That it's a love so special that you _only_ want to share it with _one_ person.

"But Uncle Kay used to share his body with a lot of people, Ma-mere!" I told her. "Did he not love all of them?"

She sighed, and her lips got thin, and at last she said that _some_ people (Like Uncle Kay) can separate _love_ and physical pleasure, and it was one of those 'grown up choices' I would have to make someday. I asked her if she ever liked girls, and she got all embarrassed and said she 'had tried it once but didn't like it much' (I think this was back in 'the War' because Uncle Han said a lot of people did stuff together that they don't talk about!) and she told me that once again, it was 'a grown up choice', but to _always_ remember that my body was _my own_, and _never_ let someone force me into something I don't want. Then she told me a little bit about the things that people do (ICKY!) and how one day soon how my body would make itself ready so _I_ can have babies.

I told her I wasn't going to be ready for a _long_ time, and she laughed and held me close and said that 'she hoped not'! She promised that 'when I was ready' we would talk about it more, so we went to make last meal for Pay-pa who was coming home soon. Ben woke up from his nap, so Ma-mere had to feed him and I got to start it!

Ma-mere is threatening to put him on a bottle because she thinks he's getting a tooth, but I don't think Ben will like that too much! He's been starting mushy real food but mostly he just plays with it. Sometimes part of it actually makes it into his mouth, but most of it gets all over the place. Ma-mere is _always_ having to clean up after him – that's part of the reason I don't want to have a baby right now, Tam – they are too messy!

Love,

Pem

PS

I had another bad dream last night, but I didn't scream when I woke up this time. I'm glad I didn't because I don't want to disturb Pay-pa. Even though he and Ma-mere aren't 'doing sex' things all night, he doesn't sleep well. Maybe I'll talk to Uncle Toa about it tomorrow so I don't worry either Ma-mere or Pay-pa.


	22. Chapter 22

**

Dear Tam,

Today, I got to spend the day with just me and my Pay-pa. I got to skip lessons and everything! I think it had something to do with last night when I heard Uncle Han tell Pay-pa over last meal that he needed a 'to hell with the Galaxy' day (or maybe Pay-pa just _knew_ I needed to talk to him without anyone else around – Pay-pa _always_ knows.)

We walked around the Temple Gardens (which are really blooming now, and so very pretty) but really slowly, as Pay-pa's leg is still healing. He doesn't need to go to the Healer's center every day any more, but Uncle Kay wants him to walk as much as he can.

He asked me about my lessons with Master Vissen (who is so much nicer than that mean old cow, Miss Vassor) and was pleased to hear that I am doing very well with all of them, and I told him about how he always treated us to 'family stories' when we did well. (Master Vissen is _really old_! He even remembers the _Old Republic_ before the Emperor!) Pay-pa nodded and asked what Master Vissen told me about his Pay-pa, Anakin Skywalker, and I got kinda quiet, because what Master Vissen said was different from what some _other_ people said…

Pay-pa didn't say anything more, just sat down (really carefully) on the mossy ground and patted a place next to him so I could sit really close. He put his arm around me, and I put my head on his chest, and I could hear his heart making a soft 'thud thud' noise, (I love hearing Pay-pa's heart and listening to him breathe, it's always so soothing,) and we just sat like that for a bit.

Pay-pa cleared his throat, and then he said, "You've had some bad dreams, haven't you, Little Pilot?" I nodded and I wanted to put my thumb in my mouth like a big baby, but instead I just squeezed my Pay-pa and nodded.

"Do you want to tell me about them?" and I think his heart beat a little faster for a minute – Pay-pa can see in people's heads, even when they don't want him too, and I think it was easier then trying to tell him in words. It kinda startled me because I knew that the man in black scared him too, but he just held me, and stroked my hair for a minute and I knew that it was OK.

Finally, he started talking again. "Pem," he said. "What to do you know about 'Darth Vader'?" I shivered – I didn't _mean_ too, but I did, and I think it made Pay-pa sad. I told him that it was someone we couldn't talk about at home when Grey-pa was alive, but during lesson on Corellia, some of the older kids would talk about him. He was a mean angry person, or a droid, that did a lot of bad things, and that he (my Pay-pa) had killed him and the Emperor and won the war! Then I had to stop because I remembered what Miss Vassor had said, and I _really_ wanted to just be a baby then. Pay-pa squeezed me and said in a real sad voice, "That's not all, is it?"

I wanted to cry, Tam, so I buried my face in Pay-pa's shirt and said it really quietly – what Miss Vassor had said – and then I looked at Pay-pa's face and he _nodded_ that it was true!

I couldn't help it, Tam, I really _did_ cry then! I told Pay-pa that he was just being mean and teasing me, and it wasn't nice, and I wanted to run away to Ma-mere, but Pay-pa made me stay put, and said my name again really softly.

"Pem," he said. "Your other Grey-pa, my father was Darth Vader, _ for a long time_. He was _also Anakin Skywalker_, do you understand?"

I told him that I didn't, and besides, I didn't want to talk about it anymore, and I wanted to go find Ma-mere and get something to eat, but Pay-pa got all stubborn and said that I had to listen, even if I didn't want to. He sighed and started again.

"Anakin Skywalker was born a _slave_"(Like Uncle Toa? I asked and Pay-pa nodded.) "He got 'sick' with the Dark Side of the Force," (I asked if it was like when Uncle Kay had, and instead of getting mad at me for interrupting him, he just nodded like 'everything in it's own time' like Gra-mere says.)

"But unlike your Uncle Kay'leb," he said. "Anakin Skywalker didn't let go of his anger and hate, and instead of healing from it, he got sicker until there was only a little bit of Anakin Skywalker left. He became the very thing that he hated…"

"But why, Pay-pa?" I asked him. "Didn't Grey-pa Skywalker have healers to help him?"

Pay-pa sighed again. "I don't know why, Little Pilot," he said. "But you need to know that in the end, it was _your Grey-pa, Anakin_ that destroyed the Emperor, and brought peace back to the Galaxy."

"But you fought him, didn't you?" I asked, and Pay-pa nodded, and flexed his fake hand. "But I was fighting _Darth Vader_, Pem. Not the good man that was your Grey-pa…"

"But _you_ said they were the same person, Pay-pa!" I said back. "How is that true?"

"I knew that somewhere in there, your Grey-pa Anakin was still in there," Pay-pa said softly. "And in the end, he came back…"

"Why?"

"Love," Pay-pa smiled. "He loved me and your Auntie Leia enough to come back…"

"Like Uncle Kay?"

Pay-pa shook his head, but he smiled. "_Kinda_," he said, like I do a lot. "It's much more than that, but I'm afraid it's…"

"_Something I'll understand when I'm older._, right, Pay-pa?" I said sighing. Boy, grown ups have to understand a _lot_. Pay-pa just laughed and said 'Yes'.

I wanted to ask him how he got hurt last time then, but Pay-pa only shook his head and said it was time for last meal, and that we should get back home to Ma-mere and Ben, so I'll have to save that for another time I guess.

But I'm glad I got to spend time with Pay-pa.

Love,

Pem


	23. Chapter 23

**

Dear Tam,

Ma-mere was pretty mad when Pay-pa and I got home from our walk (and talk about Grey-Pay Skywalker.) She said that a lot of Jedi and other folks had been calling all day and _demanding_ to talk about what happened in the Outer Rim (when Uncle Han had to go rescue Pay-pa) and Pay-pa said that 'what is done is done,' and 'there's no need to talk about it anymore,' and that 'if they didn't want to be a part of the Republic, that was their own choice' and that he 'wanted no part of trying to force them into it'.

Ma-mere said 'then why the (bad word) did you go there in the first place? You were nearly killed by those savages!'

Pay-pa got a really stubborn look on his face, but before he could say anything out loud, Ma-mere said 'And don't tell me that I don't understand, Luke! I understand you well enough that nothing I say will change your mind that you had to go, _then_, but I know that they've practically been twisting Leia's arm to try to talk you into going back! To lead a military strike! (Oh Tam, I hope that doesn't mean there will be another war!) but then she said something funny. She said, "you can't just leave us again! Not Pem, and me and Ben and…" and she shut right up and got all pale.

Pay-pa looked all surprised and said, "Are you sure? I mean… we haven't… you know, in months…"

"Two months ago, actually," Ma-mere said (and her lips were all thin) "Or am I that _forgettable_ , Luke?"

Pay-pa got all flustered and said 'of course not,' and then 'are you _really_ sure?' and Ma-mere started to cry and say that, _no_ she _wasn't_, but things were 'late' and she 'had all the same early feelings' and 'what would they do if it were true?' and that she 'wasn't ready!' (OH! May-be Ma-mere is going to have another baby! Ben is already nearly 4 months old so it wouldn't be that hard!)

Pay-pa asked if she had seen Uncle Kay about it, and Ma-mere told him that she hadn't, but he was off-world with Nico (who wants to learn to 'see' like Toa does) but she _could_ go see Toa tomorrow, and that he (Pay-pa) needed to see those other people tonight, and Pay-pa said 'They could wait until later,' because tonight he was going to spend time with his family – just _us_ , and 'As a Jedi Master', he would 'exercise his right for some peace and quiet for one more night.' And 'that was that'.

Pay-pa then sent a message to Uncle Han to tell them all that he would 'talk to them tomorrow night in the Council Chamber' and asked him to ask if Auntie Leibé would watch the children (me too I guess) 'cause he wanted Chewie and Auntie Leia there too. Uncle Han tried to say something else, but Pay-pa just turned off the com and even put it away!

We ate last meal then (but Ma-mere wasn't very hungry) and then after Ben went to bed, Pay-pa came and told me a _good_ story about Grey-pa Skywalker when he won the Boonta Eve Classic.

I heard Ma-mere and Pay-pa talking more before I went to sleep (she's so scared but I don't know _why_?) But I think Pay-pa must have made her feel better about it all because later in the night, I heard them 'making love' in their bedroom (being pretty noisy this time, and I heard Pay-pa telling her to 'be careful because he didn't want to have Toa reset his leg' and then saying 'Oh Goddess' and calling Ma-mere's name. Ma-mere giggled and then they got a lot quieter, but still!)

I think I'd like it if Ma-mere is going to have another baby. I'll tell her tomorrow that I want a sister this time.

Love,

Pem


	24. Chapter 24

**

Dear Tam,

_No baby_ after all, darn it. Uncle Toa said that Ma-mere was making herself 'sick with worry' and that she needs to Meditate more. When he was resetting Pay-pa's leg, Uncle Toa told Pay-pa that there was a 'repressive procedure' that he could either give him or Ma-mere, but it would be better if _he_ would have it done and in a few days he and Ma-mere could 'not worry about accidents anymore.' (I don't understand this – does it mean that Pay-pa won't fall out of bed anymore? Oh well.) Pay-pa said that 'there was no question that he would be the one to get it done' and then Uncle Toa made me leave the room because what he had to do with Pay-pa was 'personal'. Pay-pa didn't even want Ma-mere in there, (?) so we waited in the main Healer's room.

Ma-mere fed Ben and I asked her if she was sad about there not being a new baby, and she said 'a little' but that 'right now it's for the best'. I asked her if she was _ever_ was going to have another baby, and if next time I could have a sister because having a niece isn't the same. Ma-mere laughed and said it was the 'Pay-pas that decided what kinda babies are made,' and we would see _someday_. So I guess it's Pay-pa whom I have to talk to about my sister.

When Pay-pa came out, (he had an even worse limp, so I decided not to ask him right then as he looked like he was _really_ hurting – but Ma-mere just gave him a really sloppy look – funny, she didn't seem to feel sorry for him at all!) He told Ma-mere that he would have to go see Auntie Leia 'before the meeting' and reminded her to ask Auntie Leibé to come and watch us at home tonight.

I guess a _lot_ of people are going to meet with Pay-pa and Ma-mere tonight, and talk about important things. I wish I was big enough to go, but Ma-mere says I can't, and I would be happier with Auntie Leibé tonight anyway. I think so too as she tells all kinds of good stories, and always brings lots of neat toys he can play with when she comes.

Pay-pa says he wants me to practice my 'basic Jedi skills' (without a lightsaber, darn it!) and pay closer attention to my lessons, as he says Master Vissen has some 'special' ones coming. I don't think they'll be like Uncle Kay's (darn it!) but he says they are important, and if Pay-pay thinks so, then I do too.

Love,

Pem

**


	25. Chapter 25

Dear Tam,

Today at lessons we had to play a really hard game. There was a box of white rocks and a box of black rocks, and an empty box which was small. Master Vissen said we had to choose what rocks to put in the box, and then say why. Some people chose all white rocks, some people chose all black, (because they were prettiest) and some chose all small (more in the box) and some chose all big.

Then Master Vissen said that the ones that we had put in the box would 'live' and the rest would 'not', and that as Jedi, one day we may have to choose like that, and to consider our choices.

Luda (who is a tw'ilek and a real bantha-butt sometimes) said "Who cares, they are just a bunch of dumb old rocks anyway!" And Master Vissen shook his head, and waved his hand and raised a big jar of water and spilled it on them. All at once the 'rocks' opened up and grew little legs and started wriggling around, lapping up the water into little mouths! Luda (who is also a big 'fraidy!) squealed like a silly bird, but the rest of us just made 'ooh' noises. Master Vissen just smiled and nodded at us.

After a while, Master Vissen had us all (including 'fraidy Luda) pick them up and put them back into the fountain, and we watched them play around until Lesson time was done.

Love,

Pem


	26. Chapter 26

**

Dear Tam,

I woke up when Ma-mere and Pay-pa came home (and Auntie Leia and Uncle Han were there along with Gra-mere) because I had to use the fresher, but when I heard them talking, I decided to hold it instead so I could hear (without 'peeking').

Auntie Leia and Ma-mere went to check on the babies and I heard Uncle Han talking to Pay-pa.

"They're gonna make you the leader whether you like it or not Luke," he said. "And in the end, no matter what, there's gonna be trouble…"

Pay-pa sighed and said that he knew that, but 'the Jedi would _never_ take sides in any political conflict again', then Uncle Han said "What about _you_, are ya telling me that the whole Rebellion was just a matter of _politics?_ with you? And Leia?"

I could hear that Pay-pa had gone quiet, and then I heard Auntie Leia say Uncle Han's name, but Uncle Han didn't want to stop (I guess his tongue ran away with him again) because he kept going. He said that Pay-pa needed to start thinking like a 'Rebel again' and remember what 'people had died for' and stuff, and Pay-pa said this was different, and he 'hadn't been a general in a long time' and stuff.

Well, by this time I _really_ needed the fresher, and even though I tried making myself 'Dim' (it's one of my Jedi lessons, so we can get around without being seen – People just look 'past' us – and I can sometimes do it) but Pay-pa saw me (Uncle Han blinked and rubbed his eyes) and he said that 'now wasn't the time to talk about it. He told me to go use the fresher and when I got back, Uncle Han and Auntie Leia and the twins were gone, (they hadn't even said goodbye to me!) and Pay-pa looked kinda sad.

Ma-mere wanted me to go to bed right away (she looked pretty mad) but Pay-pa said I could stay up for a little bit. I got to kiss Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé goodnight, and Gra-mere hugged Pay-pa and said it would be OK before they left.

Ma-mere stood behind Pay-pa and me and rubbed his shoulders while we sat on the couch.

I asked him if Uncle Han was mad at me and Pay-pa said 'of course not' but there had been a lot of 'angry words at the meeting', and 'Uncle Han didn't understand a lot of things'. I asked him if that meant that Uncle Han was dumb, and Pay-pa got all serious and said 'Not at all' and that Uncle Han was 'very smart, even if he was being a little short sighted' (what ever that means).

I asked him if there was going to be a war, and he said he 'hoped not' but if it did happen, it 'wouldn't affect me or Ben much at all.' And that he would 'make sure of that'.

I asked him if it had to do with the people who had hurt him, and Ma-mere said it was getting too late for so many questions, but Pay-pa said (he promised) that he would tell me more about it tomorrow. Ma-mere's lips got all thin and she said 'Possibly', and I know she wasn't happy with Pay-pa for talking about it.

Pay-pa then said that he 'wouldn't allow me to grow up ignorant like he did', then Ma-mere put her foot down and said it was time for bed.

I know that they didn't make love last night so Ma-mere must have been pretty mad still, but in the morning we all had first meal together, and he kissed Ma-mere before going to _another_ meeting, so everything's OK for now.

Love,

Pem


	27. Chapter 27

**

Dear Tam,

Today during Lessons, we each got assigned a different Jedi Master (there are quite a few that come to the Temple regularly, and some that even live there like Ma-mere and Pay-pa and Ben and I) and were taken around to see if we could find the other Jedi and 'Force sensatives'. The thing was, only the Master was allowed to carry a weapon (we couldn't even have training sabers!) and we had to dress like regular people of different 'social classes'. Most of us dressed like refugees (there are a lot of them here) but some people got to dress really nice like the Senator's kids. Luda (the bantha butt) got to dress like a Senator's daughter and even have a droid with her and her Master (and I think that distracted her too much because she had the lowest score! Serves her right!)

I got to work with Master Lihue (she is a Corellian like me, and a little older than Ma-mere, but she has short red hair and pretty eyes). She is what Pay-pa said is a 'tracer' because she has a gift for sensing other Force sensatives. She carries a bunch of coded keys to give to former Jedi that are still hiding and 'potential' Jedi that let them into special parts of the Temple to meet with the Masters, if they want. She was with me to tell me whether I was right and to keep score for me.

Master Lihue and I dressed as human refugees but I didn't mind because I felt like the kind of people that Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé used to help.

In the Temple, it was easy even though there are a lot of non-Jedi and some others who could touch the Force but weren't Jedi yet, and I won the first round pretty easily. There were four of us who found all the Jedi and the most 'potential' Jedi, and as a reward, we got to go to a second round while those who didn't had to take 'revision' lessons, including Luda who said it was a silly game anyway. I don't know if Luda _really_ wants to be a Jedi, but I noticed her asking Master Vissen for _extra lessons_ later on so maybe I'm wrong.

Outside of the Temple, it was a lot harder. A lot of the Jedi were really good at hiding, and some of the 'Sensatives' shied away when Master Lihue invited them to the Temple, but by the time we stopped for Mid-meal, I had found five!

That was when something really funny happened. Master Lihue and I were sitting down to a meal (a small one because we weren't supposed to have a lot of credits) and we _both_ felt someone staring at us. I was surprised because when I looked at him in the Force it was like he was 'dim' (and then I realized that he was hiding too!) but unlike the _other_ Jedi we found, who were looking for just other Jedi, he seemed to recognize _me_!

Master Lihue was a _little_ nervous, but we both could feel that his interest was curiosity and not a threat, so Master Lihue made a small hand signal (the one she used for _really old_ Jedi, but really, he didn't look too much older than Pay-pa!) and I saw his eyes open _REALLY_ wide, and he nodded. She paid the bill and motioned for him to follow us and after a minute he did.

We went to a small park a few streets away (Grey-pa told me that the parks were new after the war as Coruscant used to _never_ have any!) and eventually the stranger caught up with us when we sat on a bench and waited.

He was tall and dressed in Off-Worlder clothing, and he had long grey hair that was done in a plait. He didn't have a lightsaber, but I could tell by the smell of his cloths that he was a Healer like Uncle Kay and Uncle Toa (they always smell of a million different things because of the herbs they use). His eyes were very tired, but kind (Ma-mere would say he looked 'care worn') and his 'Force signature' was very soft and warm.

He nodded his head at Master Lihue, but couldn't take his eyes off of me (which made me feel a little uncomfortable at first, but by then he wasn't 'hiding' and his 'light' was super bright!) . He went down on his knee and said very softly, "L-L-Luke?" (he had a little stammer like I do when I'm nervous) and normally I don't tell people (even Jedi) that he's my Pay-pa at first, but the Force said it was OK this time.

"That's my Pay-pa," I told him. "My name is Pemberian Skywalker, and this is Master Lihue, not my Ma-mere. Are you a Jedi? What's your name?"

"A J-Jedi?" he said. He smiled then, and his face lit up like a sun! "M-maybe once… My name is P-P-Poulin. Poulin Brith…"

Poulin (he wouldn't let me call him 'Master') talked to Master Lihue for a little bit, and then she gave him one of the special keys, and said that 'Master Skywalker would be please to meet you, perhaps tonight (and hinted that she would like to 'meet him later in a different way,' but I don't think he was interested,) and said he would be 'honored'.

It was time to go back then, and even though I didn't win the last round (I came in third, but Master Vissen said we _all_ had done well,) and even Luda had done better (and she was a bit nicer to everyone too, but she's still a bantha-butt).

I hope I get to see Poulin again, he was very nice.

Love,

Pem


	28. Chapter 28

**

Dear Tam,

I _really_ need to practice my lessons more, because I really want to get better at seeing Jedi first!

Pay-pa seems to _hate_ these 'special' meetings (once a week and only with new-found Jedi) but at least he says they are better than last time when they went to the Senate Ball, and a guy got all puffy and blew a horn, and announced he and Ma-mere as 'Master Jedi and Lady Skywalker.' I heard Pay-pa said he wanted to leave right there and then and would have it if hadn't been for Auntie Leia, (who I haven't seen in a while – maybe I'll go see her tomorrow if she's not too busy. I need to do a report on Alderaan and Pay-pa says she will help me with that.) Pay-pa says that 'soon they'll be throwing roses at his feet, and with his luck he'd slip on them and fall on his rear!'

Ma-mere just kissed him, and told him that it didn't matter what they did as long as _he_ knew who he was, and I said, "yeah, my Pay-pa (and Ben's too)" And Pay-pa smiled at Ma-mere (all sloppy eyed) and kissed her and said 'And your Ma-mere's husband'. He took her hand when she kissed him _again_ (all slow and such), and then _she_ got all sloppy eyed, so I told them that I would take Ben to the Healer's Center in the Temple to meet Gra-mere, because she said she had a new dress for me to wear (because for the first time _I_ get to come to the meeting too!) and I wanted it to be a surprise!

Ma-mere said it was OK, and told me to tell Gra-mere they would see her later (Auntie Leibé doesn't even come to these meetings) and to tell Auntie Leibé thank you (which I did.)

So when Gra-mere and I got the special meeting room (it's a big hall with lots of columns and seats), at first it seems like the room was almost empty. At least if you didn't know how to _look_! A lot of the new found Jedi are still afraid of being seen, so they stay _dim_ at first, until they feel safe. Gra-mere is good at making it OK for them to show themselves and every time one does, it's like a little light comes on and the room gets a little brighter.

All at once, I heard someone call me really softly, and then I saw Poulin! He was hiding in a corner but when he saw me and Gra-mere he came out! He was still dressed in his Out - Worlder cloths, but he looked so much better already! He seemed a little lost here, but not completely, and then I got to see him in the Force, just for a minute! It was really strange! I saw him as a little boy (well, not too little but _way_ younger) dressed in old type Jedi robes holding a bundle and looking sad and scared, and then he was just my new friend Poulin again.

His eyes got _really_ wide when he saw Gra-mere and he even gasped. He tried to bow to Gra-mere, but she just pulled him into a big hug and there were tears in her eyes. They must have talked for a few moments through the Force because I couldn't hear it (and I didn't want to peek so instead I looked for other Jedi) when Gra-mere said "I see you've met my grand-daughter, Pemberian."

He bowed at me and smiled. "Y-you look like your father," he said I kinda scowled a bit because _everybody_ says that, but that made him laugh and he said "And t-that face makes you look like your grandfather!"

I asked if he knew my Grey-pa Skywalker, and he got a funny look on his face and said he had once, but that was a long time ago, and I could see on his face that it wasn't something he wanted to talk about (a lot of people are like that), and he rubbed his shoulder, even though it didn't seem to hurt.

They talked for a little bit about other stuff for a while (I didn't mind just being there, 'cause Poulin's Force energy is a lot like Uncle Toa's, just soft and warm) until all at once it was like a warm wave of light. I knew that Ma-mere and Pay-pa had come in then because all at once, as people noticed them they came out of hiding! Ma-mere was wearing a light brown flight-suit and her lightsaber and a blaster on her other hip (Pay-pa doesn't like people wearing weapons in here but he lets her as he does too). She was also wearing tall boots and her shirt seemed a little tight across her chest and it couldn't button up all the way (she says it's because she's feeding Ben but Pay-pa doesn't seem to mind.)

Pay-pa and she walked through the room and people parted to let them pass, (Poulin got really quiet and just watched – I think he does that a lot). I ran to Pay-pa and he picked me up (I know some of the Jedi were kinda shocked but Pay-pa didn't care!) and I told him I wanted to meet my new friend Poulin Brith (he and Ma-mere looked at each other with funny looks on their faces and started laughing. Ma-mere asked Pay-pa if he was Poulin or Brith and they laughed even harder. Another grown up joke I guess.) Pay-pa told me how pretty I looked and then we went to meet Poulin and Gra-mere.

Pay-pa stopped short and Ma-mere put her hand on her blaster because Pay-pa seemed shocked, but put it down right away when Pay-pa said "I _know you…"_

Poulin smiled at Pay-pa and said that they had met only once, but he was so pleased to meet Pay-pa again at last, and though he 'couldn't stay long, he had to see for himself that the Light was still shining' (which is strange but it made Pay-pa blush.)

Pay-pa introduced Ma-mere to him, and then he apologized because he had to make some important speeches, but then he asked Poulin if he would come to the home after. Poulin said that he couldn't tonight (I think he wanted to 'pull himself together' like a lot of the old Jedi want to after meeting my Pay-pa, but he _must_ be special because normally Pay-pa doesn't invite a lot of people over to our home.)

Ma-mere insisted that he come for last meal tomorrow because he 'looked like he could use some feeding up', and Poulin agreed!

Pay-pa said that we would expect him then, and that he had to 'go be Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master' for a bit (and he wasn't smiling when he said it) and he and Ma-mere gave me a kiss and then they went to do Jedi stuff.

Poulin left soon after, and Gra-mere and I stayed for a little while, but to be honest Tam, it got kinda boring (a lot of people were talking about 'what to do about the Outer Rim Situation' while some people said that the Jedi shouldn't get involved and stuff). So Gram-mere said we could go back to her and Auntie Leibé's place and make pali-tarts.

I'll be sure to make extra so Poulin can take some home too!

Love,

Pem


	29. Chapter 29

**

Dear Tam,

Poulin came to last meal tonight and it was very nice. It's funny, he says he's not _too_ much older than Pay-pa, but he really seems to be. He brought some wine for Pay-pa and Ma-mere, and some sweets for me (which were very nice).

Ben was all wiggly and kept trying to climb up his (Poulin's) leg – he didn't want to be picked up, but he wanted to use Poulin as something to hang on to – Ma-mere apologized and said that Ben was doing that to _everybody_ but Poulin didn't mind. At his home he has a baby boy who is between me and Ben's age. He showed us a holo of him and his wife 'Lila' (who is very pretty). I asked Poulin if he was going to teach his son how to be a Jedi, and he shook his head.

I asked him (Poulin) then if he was like my Pay-pa and left his wife and baby a lot and he said that he had only left to see Pay-pa in person, that a lot of people didn't think that Pay-pa was real (or still alive for some reason) and that he was going to go back to his quiet life as a Healer. (Ma-mere told me that I shouldn't ask so many questions so I stopped for the most part).

Pay-pa sighed and said that sometimes he wondered that himself and envied him a bit, and that he was tired of being 'a figure head' and wondered 'if he was doing the right thing.' Poulin said that he was always taught to 'do what was right' and 'to listen to the Force, even when you didn't understand' and he got a funny smile on his face.

Pay-pa seemed so sad though, and said sometimes it felt that he couldn't hear the Force for all the people talking, and that he 'couldn't just walk away from who he was', and Poulin agreed. He told Pay-pa that Grey-pa Skywalker had felt the same way, and had once actually tried to.

Pay-pa got all wide eyed and asked how much Poulin knew about Grey-pa Skywalker and what had happened to him (as not a lot of people will talk about him much but for Gra-mere and my late Grey-pa) and Poulin said that he didn't _really_ know for sure, but he _thinks_ it was in part because Grey-pa Skywalker kept trying to please _everyone_ and then lost himself.

Poulin asked what happened to Grey-pa Skywalker, if Pay-pa knew the truth, (and when ever Grey-pa is brought up, Pay-pa flexes his fake hand) about how he died and when Pay-pa told him 'he died as Anakin Skywalker', and that seemed to make Poulin sad and relieved at the same time. (I wanted to tell you that when Poulin asked about Pay-pa's hand he told him that he had made someone pretty mad once, and Poulin laughed and touched his shoulder and said he had too. I wonder who that was?)

Ma-mere asked Poulin if he minded if she excused herself to feed Ben and put him to bed and then maybe even go to bed herself (she seemed strangely shy around him) and Poulin said it was OK, that he would have to go soon anyway, but I know Pay-pa wanted to talk to him more. She kissed me and Pay-pa and took Ben (who was alternately fussy and sleepy, I think he liked Poulin a lot too) and Pay-pa said it was time for me to go too. I asked Poulin if I could kiss him goodnight and maybe could I visit him sometime and he said 'Of course'! Then he said 'good night little toboo' and he laughed when I asked him what it meant. He told me it was a really old word for 'little child' and then said goodnight.

I know he and Pay-pa stayed up late talking, but I'm not sure about what though. When I woke up the next day, Pay-pa told me that he and Poulin had talked a lot last night, and then he asked me if one day soon, would I like to move away from the Temple (all of us). I said I would miss my friends but if it made him and Ma-mere happy that I would, and Pay-pa said it wouldn't be for a while yet, but he was glad to know that.

Both Pay-pa and Ma-mere seemed really happy today, so whatever they all talked about must have been good. Maybe they've changed their mind about another baby?

Love,

Pem


	30. Chapter 30

**

Dear Tam,

Lessons today were very different. Instead of our regular Lessons (maths, star charts and Basic writing) with Master Nox, we (Luda, Nassa, T'both and a few others) and I had to have our 'regular' Lessons with other children. Nothing 'Force' related at all, because they couldn't know we were Jedi, so we 'had to use our thinking brains as well'.

By first break, Luda _already_ had a new boy-friend among the new students. He is a human boy called Tor, and he is _fourteen!_ . Thank the Force that only lasted until mid-meal!

At mid-meal break Nassa and I were listening to the older kids talking (well, most of them, Luda and Tor were holding hands and being all kissy faced.) Some of them were saying how worried they were because their parents are all worried about what's going on in the Outer Territories (Auntie Leia is going to host a _delegation_ with Pay-pa 'in attendance' very soon.) Then Tor stopped kissing Luda and said that his parents said it was 'all the fault of the Jedi' and that 'they should go back to where-ever they came from'. I wanted to tell him to shut his big ugly face up, but Pay-pa had warned me that some people just didn't understand and 'not to take it to heart' even when it's hard, so I just breathed like my Pay-pa had taught me, and I felt better.

Poor Luda though, she got really upset and stared to cry (especially when Tor said that 'non humans were OK, but _Jedi_ non-humans should know their place in the galaxy'. That was _bad!_) I wanted to hit him then (but not with the Force) but Luda ran into the fresher, and Nassa and I went after her. Luda was _really_ upset because her Ma-mere had been 'pleasure slave' until Master Fin (who is a _Nautolan_) bought her and her Ma-mere and 'saved them from that life'. Nassa ran to tell our instructor for the day (Miss Doukan) that we would be late for the second part (but not why) and I stayed with Luda, and cuddled her (because that always makes me feel better) and told her that Tor was nothing but a stinky old bantha's butt, and there were nicer boys out there, and she deserved a lot better. She hugged me close with her arms and her lekku and stopped crying after a while, and apologized for being such a silly shaak all this time. She said it was partly because she was afraid of not being a good enough Jedi student, and she was _jealous_ of me, because I was so good and my Pay-pa was so famous.

I was really surprised Tam! I always thought she didn't _like_ me, and Pay-pa said that we should always try to make 'an enemy at least someone who we can agree to disagree with', but Luda has always just been someone I didn't care about! I said I would be _glad_ to help her with her lessons, and maybe she could even come have last meal with me and Ma-mere and Pay-pa and Ben sometime soon.

She started to cry again then Tam, but this time it was because she was so happy! Then she told me her _clan name_ (which is only told to _other_ Twi'lek!) and asked if we could maybe be 'non-clan sisters'!

I really like that idea because Ben is too young to be a brother really, and while being an Auntie is fun I'm so glad to have a 'sister' my own age to talk to now!

After lessons, Luda gave me a kiss on the cheek and said _'Vak nah-ha-na, te' Pem-sa_ (which means "See you non-clan sister") and laughed when I tried to say it back because I got it wrong, but Luda said she would teach me. Nassa was surprised, and asked me why 'mean old Luda' was being so nice'? and I told her that I think that we've seen the end of 'mean Luda' for good.

Love,

Pem


	31. Chapter 31

**

Dear Tam,

I'm sorry I haven't written for a couple weeks, but I am so happy to tell you that things have calmed down a little. The grown ups seem to think that 'all out war' has been avoided, and although Pay-pa is busier than Uncle Han when he works on the Falcon, he seems happier and more at peace. In fact, today I am writing to you from someplace other than home!

Ma-mere, Ben, and even Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé are on the planet Naboo at what Pay-pa says is called the Lake country to 'get away' for a bit. I thought I would be lonely here but then Pay-pa said I could bring a friend so of course I brought my best friend and non clan sister, Luda with me.

Luda (who just had her twelfth Life day) has been very sad lately even though she has been getting _much better_ at Lessons, but she has been having some trouble at home. Her Ma-mere said that because she is already getting breasts that maybe she should consider becoming a 'pleasure girl' one day instead of a Jedi, but Master Fin (who she says is just like a real Pay-pa to her) told her it's only because that's how _she_ (her Ma-mere) was raised. I hope Luda decides to stay a Jedi, especially because it seems that pleasure girls have a rough life, even if they are not slaves.

Auntie Leibé took us both into the market today in the village of Da'jaa Peak (Gra-mere stayed at the villa with Ben who can even form some words now, while Ma-mere and Pay-pa went for a little mid-day meal all alone – they'll probably act all sloppy out there, but I'm glad for them.) We had a nice meal and saw lots of interesting people (mostly human and a race called Gungan). Luda found some really pretty ribbons in all colours at one market stall, and at first she was a little sad because she doesn't have any hair to put them in, but I said we could wrap them on her lekku and they would look very pretty, and that made her smile. We ended up with blue ones for me (to match my eyes) and green ones for Luda (that matched her skin, only darker and brighter) and as I thought, they looked very pretty on her.

After last meal, Ma-mere and Pay-pa went to bed _really_ early, and Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé not long after. (Gra-mere said that this place was 'magical', and she said she and Leibé would watch the sunset from their room.) Ma-mere said Luda and I could stay up late as long as we were quiet and promised not to leave the villa, so we went about exploring the attic. It was _full_ of neat things. Pay-pa had found an old rocker chair up there and had brought it down the other day for Ma-mere. It was really interesting, made of all kinds of different wood and a pretty pair of wings carved in the back with the name 'Angel' inlaid in it out of some pretty pearly material. Luda and I had been up there a couple times playing 'family' and 'Team Jedi'. At first we were going to take Ben too, but Ma-mere said it might not be safe, so we left him downstairs there with Vitty who he's pretty much claimed as his own (but Vitty doesn't mind, and neither do I).

Luda found a really old holo-projector with some recording crystals, and I'm going to try to fix it and see if any of the data can be played back. We turned it on but the images were too fuzzy, but I think I can fix it! I'll show it to Pay-pa tomorrow.

Love,

Pem


	32. Chapter 32

**

Dear Tam,

The holo-projector is working, but Pay-pa wanted to look at it himself before we could all see it 'just in case it was private grown up stuff' and Ma-mere laughed and asked if he thought it 'might give him some ideas, and Pay-pa only smiled and said that 'was she so sure that he didn't already had enough of his own?'.

I swear Tam, grown ups are so silly.

Luda and I were practicing with our lightsabers on the balcony (she's getting really good!) today when some boys from the village came by bringing supplies. One of them was called Efram, and he was _really_ cute, but _really_ clumsy, at least when he saw me looking at him! I thought at first he was looking at Luda (a lot of boys do) but Luda told me through the Force that it was _me_ he was looking at, and she winked at me! I told her (again through the Force) that I didn't like boys anymore at all (I haven't had a boyfriend in months) and to stop being such a silly bird, but the next thing I know I felt a push at my back, and by the time I regained my balance Efram had caught me!

Efram blushed a _lot_[/] and everyone started laughing (Luda nearly wet herself she was laughing so hard) and he almost tripped over his feet trying to rejoin his friends! Later I told Luda that what she did was _sneaky_ but I was giggling. I can't be mad at my non clan sister for too long, anyway! Besides, I got even with her later when she was balancing along the wall; I Force pushed her into the water! She was wearing her water cloths anyway but she was annoyed anyway because she really only wanted to get some sun and make her skin darker. I went in after her and we swam and played until it was time for last meal.

Pay-pa was very quiet and thoughtful over last meal (so was Gra-mere). I guess he got the holo-projector working, but he said he really wanted to wait until Auntie Leia got here to show the rest of us. I was kinda disappointed because I really wanted to see, but I guess I can wait. It'll be nice to see Auntie Leia and everyone again, it seems like ages!

Love,

Pem

PS

I heard that Efram is _way_ older than me (he's seventeen!) and even though I'll be twelve in a few months, that's much too old for me! But I still think he was really cute, (and I'll only tell _you_ Tam) that I really wish I was older. At least old enough to 'deep kiss'.


	33. Chapter 33

**

Dear Tam,

We (everyone plus Auntie Leia and Uncle Han and the babies – Uncle Chewie went back to his home world to spend some time with _his_ family) all sat down in the big hall to watch the holos.

Pay-pa apologized because they only had a little sound, and sometimes the picture would go out, but he hoped they wouldn't mind. Uncle Han kinda grumbled because Pay-pa wouldn't tell _anyone_ what was on them, and suggested that Pay-pa could have at least made some puffed grain and butter as he 'always liked that when he watched a mystery', but Auntie Leia shushed him, and Uncle Han gave her a kiss.

The first holo was a big surprise! At first we weren't sure what it was exactly, but Pay-pa played with the projector again, and then we could see that it was a lady from the back (even though it was a still a bit blurry) leaning over a balcony, just like the one at Auntie Leia's place! I guess the person recording it must have called her because it didn't have any sound and she turned around and faced the holo-cam. She had a _huge_ tummy, and even though you couldn't make out her face, Auntie Leia seemed to recognize her, and she got all pale.

"Luke," she said. "Is that…?" Pay-pa looked kinda sad and smiled and nodded his head, but it was Gra-mere who gave her a name. She said it really softly, like a lullaby. _Padmé_ .

The picture got all clear then, and all at once, a really handsome man appeared, and then I realized who they were when I recognized Grey-pa Skywalker! Grey-pa Skywalker put his arm around 'Padmé' and then put his hand on her tummy and waved his finger like he was pretending to make the baby in her tummy wave! I wanted to watch more, but then Auntie Leia got all upset and walked out!

Pay-pa called after her, but Uncle Han said that 'he would take care of it,' and that it was 'a hell of a bomb to drop on her – Darth Vader - family man', and Pay-pa got all quiet.

Gra-mere suggested that Luda and I follow her and get some pali-tarts and milk (which is grown up for 'let's let the adults work things out') and after a while, we came back and saw the rest.

It was pretty neat seeing Grey-pa Skywalker and Gram-mere Padmé, especially when they must have had their Bonding ceremony (Grey-pa Skywalker had a fake hand, just like Pay-pa then too) and Auntie Leia was quiet (but no longer as upset) through the whole thing.

Both Luda and I were really tired after that (or we thought we were) and went to bed, but after Pay-pa turned out the lights, we talked about a lot of things – I mean _things_ that I probably _could_ talk to Ma-mere or any of the other adults about, but it felt better to talk to my 'big sister' about instead. I don't know why it embarrasses me, because it's _my_ body after all, but yeah. Luda said it was all a part of growing up, and that it was all OK, and not to worry. We talked about other things after that. Boys we liked, what new lessons we might be learning this year, and how maybe that since things have 'calmed down a bit' that we might even get to go on adventures with some of the older Jedi soon! Well, Luda will get to go long before me, but she's promised to tell me all about it when she does!

I went to sleep feeling a _lot_ better about things, and dreamed of how one day me and Luda would go on great adventures together, with a hundred boyfriends on a hundred planets…

Three more days here, and then back home, but it's been a great time.

Love,

Pem


	34. Chapter 34

**

Dear Tam,

I'm worried about Luda, she's looking really sick lately, and I think she's scared. She told me that Master Fin (her 'Pay-pa') has talked about having her come live at the Temple full time with one of the other Masters, but her Ma-mere won't let her. In fact, her Ma-mere keeps pressing Luda to train to become a pleasure girl, but of course she doesn't want to. Even Pay-pa said that he would 'look into things' as he's notice the changes since we came back from the Lake Country a few months ago.

My life day is coming up soon, and I'm going to have party with my closest friends, and of course my family. I'll be a whole _twelve_ years old!

We had a party for Ben and the twins (as they even share a Life day!) last month and unlike mine, it was _just_ the family. It was really funny because it was like all three of them had a secret language between themselves. Leia said she thought Ben was the leader, but I knew it was really Jaina – she was good at doing something and then the boys took the 'blame' (even though Ma-mere said that they were 'just being babies, so there was no blame'. Really Tam, there wasn't a whole lot to it, because all the grown up women talked about boring baby things (feedings, progress, nasty things like fresher training and teeth and stuff – even Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé,) while Uncle Han and Pay-pa drink a lot of alcohol (Pay-pa doesn't usually drink but this was a special occasion) and even Uncle Kay downs a few. Only Uncle Chewie and Uncle Toa don't drink.

About midway through the party, Uncle Chewie offered to take me for a ride in the Falcon, and _that_ was fun! We got home kinda late (but as I was with Chewie, Ma-mere knew I was safe.)

Uncle Chewie even lets me take the controls once we get out of the regular space-lanes (Uncle Han would have baby mynocks if he knew, but Chewie has promised that this is a secret that we can keep.) One day I'll be able to take it into Hyper-space, but not today. We didn't get _too_ far out, because even though they say that there may not be a war after all, there are still a lot of 'funny factions' out there.

Thankfully, they left us alone and when we got home, only Ma-mere was up.

Actually it was kinda nice because Ma-mere sat up on the couch with me and asked me all about my adventure with Uncle Chewie, and I told her about really flying the Falcon (and she laughed and said that I was braver than she was!) and it was just me and my Ma-mere time. We don't get a whole lot of that anymore because it seems I always have to share her with _someone_, and I've been so busy with my own lessons, that this was special.

When I finally got sleepy enough for bed, Ma-mere tucked me in and she asked what I wanted for my Lifeday, and even though I felt kinda bad, I asked her if we could have a few hours with _just_ me and her and Pay-pa. Even though I love my baby brother, I just wanted a little time with _them_. Ma-mere held me close and said that they would do better, if I didn't mind that part of the time it might be just her, or just Pay-pa, we could have a _whole day_!

Needless to say I was more than happy for that, and I can't wait to tell Luda about it!

Love,

Pem


	35. Chapter 35

**

Dear Tam,

Luda hasn't been to Lessons lately, and her _mother_ (she doesn't deserve the name _Ma-mere_ – there's something really _weird_ about her) sent word that 'she would be back soon', but wouldn't give us place to write to! I wanted to ask _her_ Pay-pa, (Master Fin) if he would take some letters to her, but he is off on a mission (not to the place where Pay-pa got hurt although a lot of Jedi but for my Pay-pa are involved in the 'talks'). I still write to her every day, so when Master Fin comes back, he can take them to her (if she's not home by then.)

My Lifeday party was nice (but I really miss Luda) and as promised, I had _my_ day with Ma-mere and Pay-pa (and sometimes with both) and Ben didn't seem to mind at all. In fact, when I came home from the live animal sanctuary with Pay-pa, he waddled up and gave me a big hug and kept saying 'Pem! Pem-ma!' ever and over again!

I think he even missed me!

Love,

Pem

PS

Tomorrow after Lessons I'm going to go talk to Nico, and see if he'll come with me to talk to Luda's mother. Ma-mere and Pay-pa will be at one of the meetings with all the rest of the adults, so it would be a perfect time.

I don't know Tam, I just have a funny feeling that Luda just might be in trouble.


	36. Chapter 36

**

Dear Tam,

I'm writing to you from the hold of the cargo ship _Pride of the Galaxy_, but whoever named this ship must have been mistaken. There's nothing to be 'proud of' here!

What happened was this.

Nico agreed that something was _funny_ about Luda's going away, so we went to her place in Coco town. Nico is _really_ good at 'hiding' so it looked like I was all alone, even though he was with me. Her place was all messy, like she had been going through stuff, and there were a couple bags on the floor like she was getting ready to leave in a hurry, but she smiled (really weirdly) when I said I was Luda's friend and told me to come in. (Nico sneaked in after me and thank the Goddess she didn't even notice!)

The Force felt really _bad_ in here – not all darksidey, but 'sick', but she was still being 'nice', and as we really wanted to find out about Luda, I pretended not to notice.

She asked me to sit down while she got me some fruit and while she was in the kitchen (for a long while) Nico whispered that _something_ wasn't right, and maybe we should go, but then she came out (with that big fakey smile) with some shurra fruit and cream. All at once I got the image from the story about the evil princess and the poisoned shurra fruit, so I only pretended to eat it, and I saw Nico wave his hand and whisper to her that I really was.

Her smile became _really_ creepy then, and she said she would be back in a few minutes, and to 'stay right there' and she left to go back into the kitchen.

Nico got all anxious and told me what I already knew – that she expected me to be fast asleep when she came back – and that we should get out of there quickly, but I said that we _needed_ to find out about Luda, and asked him how easy it was to get into her head.

He made a face and said it was _really_ easy, that her mind was like soft mud, but she was just really sick. I quickly grabbed a cushion and threw my cloak over it and told him that we _had_ to make her think it was me there while the _real me_ stayed _dim_. Thank the Goddess it worked! She came out a few minutes later with a BIG nasty needle and stuck it in what she _thought_was my leg, and then she had the _nerve_ to _apologize_ to '_me_' and said that 'it was better this way for me because when I woke up, she would be gone and I wouldn't even remember why I came, much less what she looked like!'

I was _so mad_ and wanted to kick her, but Nico held me back (good thing because she _almost_ noticed that she had just given that nasty shot to a pillow!) Then he 'pushed' her _really_ hard and asked her where Luda really was. She smiled all sweet and happy and said that she was 'with friends on Ryloth, learning how to be a proper tw'ilek' and that 'with help she would come around!'

I got _really_ mad then, and asked her if Master Fin knew, and she seemed to 'wake up' for a moment (sick and soft doesn't mean dumb, sadly!) and she looked at the cushion and blinked. Nico gave me a "Shut up, stupid!" look, and 'pushed' her until she was all happy again. Then Nico 'reminded' her how very hungry she was, and how yummy that shurra fruit looked, (I know this was making him tired, but Force bless him, it worked!) Before she could finish the whole bowl, she dropped down to the floor like a sack of rocks!

Nico sighed then, and I saw that he had a nosebleed! Poor Nico!

Nico wanted to go back to the Temple and get help, (he would have made _her_ do it when she woke up, but that would mean staying until then because he can't 'push' people unless he's right with them like Uncle Kay can) but I told him that all the Jedi there were in a meeting, and we couldn't just leave Luda there because the longer we waited, the less chance that we could save her! He said, "what can we do? We're just little kids?" and I told him that my Grey-pa had won a pod race when he was _nine_, and as Jedi (even in training) we had to do _something_ and at last he agreed. I managed to find her stash of credits, and promised that when it came to getting transport, I could do the pushing for once.

I know that as Jedi, we're not supposed to hurt innocent people, but I couldn't help myself. As we stepped out of the apartment, I stopped and gave her a couple of hard kicks, right in the back.

If she's lucky, she won't even remember we were there at all and we should find Luda long before the adults get too worried.

Love,

Pem


	37. Chapter 37

**

Dear Tam,

Well, we've been here _three days_ (sorry I haven't written but I've been really sad and a bit scared) but let me try to tell you what has happened.

When we _got_ here, I guess we didn't think about how we would get back. There aren't a lot of humans here, at least none either of us can get close enough to really 'push' successfully. There are far too many 'mush heads' (people who's brains are already half addled by Spice) so when either of us try to use the Force and get someone's attention, almost a whole _crowd_ turn to look at us with the same blank look, and we have to hide as it seems Jedi aren't very welcome here at all.

The Force was with us in _one_ respect – at least I _think_ it was, but (as Gra-mere would say, and oh I miss her,) 'in the other hand' maybe the Force can be a mean joker too. (Pay-pa says the Force doesn't 'think' but I don't know anymore.) There was an 'exhibition' of 'new girls' and we saw Luda! But the thing was, when Nico tried to reach her through the Force (I was scared to try in case I gave us away because I was so excited to see her) he _couldn't_. He said it was really strange, that it was like she wasn't 'there' at _all_. I asked him if he thought that she was on Spice, but he didn't think so – he couldn't 'find' anything really (and as a Healer trainee, he's good at knowing and finding about all kinds of drugs used on people). He said it was kinda like a droid with no personality chip, and I shivered. I'm really scared Tam, I don't know what will become of her! There is going to be an auction in a couple days, but I don't know what we can do! I wish my Pay-pa was here (sometimes I think I see him, especially when I'm almost asleep, and he's right there, but he disappears as soon as I try to put my arms around him, and ever since we left, I can almost hear him and Ma-mere and everyone calling me, but he can't hear me when I try to answer back!)

I'm _so_ hungry Tam! I would even eat that nasty poisoned shurra fruit tonight. At least then my belly would be full, and I would sleep and even dream about Pay-pa finding me.

Nico should be back soon, maybe even with some food, so I'm going to try to sleep anyway.

Love,

A sad Pem


	38. Chapter 38

Tam,

Nico isn't back yet, but I think _someone_ has found me, and I'm _VERY SCARED_. I can hear voices and boots and a lot of stuff being knocked around! I'm too afraid to look into the Force to see but I'm going to make myself as _dim_ as I can and pray to all the Goddesses they don't find me.


	39. Chapter 39

(Still later)

Dear Tam,

Well, as you can see I'm _alive_! I'm wayyyyyyyyyyyyyy too tired to tell you the whole story, but both Nico and I are OK, and even better, they managed to save _Luda!_ (I will tell you about that tomorrow, though.)

At first I thought I was dreaming again, because when the person uncovered me, I saw my Pay-pa standing there looking so tired and old, but relieved, but this time when I put my arms out, he was _really_ there! I started to cry so hard that I almost couldn't breathe, and instead of scolding me, Pay-pa just put my head to his chest (and his heart which was so soothing).

I know there were more Jedi there, and I know Pay-pa told me that Ma-mere was waiting for me at home (he acted like I had been just away at Lessons instead of way off-world), and that Nico was OK, and hopefully Luda would be too soon.

Uncle Toa was waiting for us here in the ship (I don't know which one, I _think_ it's the Falcon because I thought I saw Uncle Han, but I don't know… (I can't think) and Uncle Toa offered me a drink (he said it would make me sleepy, but that's OK because it's Uncle Toa's and Pay-pa said he would come see me after he 'commed home' and I was dressed and washed for bed).

I want to be awake for Pay-pa, (and it's _so hard right now_) so I'll say night……..

Love pem


	40. Chapter 40

Dear Tam,

Today, at first I thought I was still on Ryloth, and that I was only _dreaming_ that I was in Ma-mere's arms, but then I heard Pay-pa telling me to 'wake up, _Little Pilot_' and he was tickling my foot! Then I could smell some of Gra-mere's soup that she always made when I was sick, and I _knew_ I wasn't dreaming!

Pay-pa tickled my foot again, and said that since I had _already_ slept once around the clock, that it was time to eat now! I looked up at Ma-mere and I expected her to be _really_ mad at me, but she only smiled a little. The I asked her if she wasn't mad because she had taken some sleepy-meds and she said 'Only on the first night' that I was away, and after that she and Pay-pa and almost everyone had put their energy into finding me and Nico. She had big dark circles under her eyes, and I saw her hand shake a little as she gave me some water, (it was too heavy for me to lift) and I felt _so_ bad, but Ma-mere told me not to cry, so I managed not to.

Pay-pa came in with some soup, and he had a funny look on his face, and I know that he wanted to talk to me about what happened, but didn't know where to start. Just then, Ben started crying (and I was _so_ glad to hear that!) and Pay-pa went to get him while Ma-mere gave me soup like a little baby.

When Pay-pa came back, Ma-mere said "Luke, not now," in a really gentle voice, but Pay-pa shook his head, and I thought I was going to hear about my punishment for not telling them first. Instead, Pay-pa said, "Pem, your friend Luda is a very sick little girl…"

I stopped eating then, and I was afraid I was going to be sick, but Ma-mere just put the soup down and held me close. I didn't want to hear about that, (but Pay-pa continued as he always does when it's important.) "She might get better," he said. "But Pem, it may take a long time, and she might _not_…"

I tried to tell Pay-pa how Nico said she had been all droid-like, and Pay-pa nodded. Then he said that Uncle Toa had said this was how they made 'pleasure slaves' (and Ma-mere got all grim when I asked what they would want with a little girl like Luda, but I guess I didn't want to think about it anymore because I was too sad.) But then he said that Luda had said a couple words before she went to sleep at the Healer's Center (I can see her in a few days, _maybe…_) and just _maybe_ they could help her.

I took a little more soup then, and finally asked about Luda's _mother_, and once again Pay-pa's face got all grim. He said that she had been taken to a 'special place' because she was 'mentally ill' (I asked if he meant Mynock-badword-crazy, and he got really grim and said that wasn't a nice way of saying it, but essentially it was the same), and that she would never hurt Luda again.

_Then_ I asked about Master Fin, and if he knew about Luda, (Ma-mere even laughed a little, saying I _must_ be feeling better because I was as chatty as a protocol droid!) Pay-pa said that _he had been there!_ That he had been on a mission to break the slaver's ring. In fact, he had _seen_ me and Nico (he's _really_ good at being _dim_ I guess) and that was in part how they (Pay-pa and the other Jedi) had found us!

I was a little disappointed Tam, and Pay-pa knew it, so he took my free hand and asked me what was wrong, and I said that I had hoped that he had found us because I was _calling him_, not because some ol' Master got lucky. Pay-pa laughed, and kissed my hand and said "Oh, but Little Pilot, how do you think we knew where to look in the first place?"

After the soup and a little more water, I felt sleepy again, so Ma-mere took Ben and Pay-pa picked me up and tucked me back into bed. He promised that either him or Ma-mere would be here when I woke up again (and maybe even Uncle Han and Auntie Leia, and of course Uncle Toa and Uncle Kay too).

I asked Pay-pa if he had decided what kind of punishment I was going to get, but he just shook his head.

"Why _did_ you go, Little Pilot?" he asked me. And I told him it was to save my friend. "You knew that you might not have been able too, don't you?" he said, and I nodded, but then I told him that I thought she would have died if we _hadn't_, and we didn't think that there would have been time if we had hesitated.

Pay-pa just got that funny smile he has, and then asked me if I thought I had learned anything, and I said that from now on I would take a longer look before jumping into Hyper-space, and that seemed to be enough, because he kissed me again and said that was fine with him.

I'm so very glad to be home.

Love,

Pem


	41. Chapter 41

**

Dear Tam,

It's been three whole days since we came home (Nico and I) and I've had all kinds of visitors, including Master Fin who came to see Pay-pa.

They didn't know I was awake and up (even though I wasn't even trying to be _dim_ because I'm not really supposed to at home because it's 'not polite') so I caught part of the conversation about how Master Fin was 'disappointed because for every slaver ring they broke up, three more would raise up and take it's place', but Pay-pa said that they 'had made great strides' and that because Master Fin had found the machine that they had used to (this is hard to say because I didn't get what he meant – something about 'taking away everything that made them individuals') the techs (here) were figuring out how it worked so they could reverse the process.

Master Fin was so sad though, he said he hoped that the Healers could help them, especially Luda, because right now, when she's awake all she does mostly is scream. (That makes me so sad, Tam! I really want to see her now! Even if she is just screaming, I can take it! I got used to Ben, didn't I? Luda is my _best_ friend, and *bad word* I want her _back!_ even if she's too sick to ever learn how to be a Jedi again!)

I coughed (because that's what some adults do to get 'polite' attention) and Pay-pa saw me, and squatted down to give me a hug. Master Fin told me that I had 'been a very brave girl' and 'he was proud that Luda had such good hearted companions'. He was going to leave then, to go see Luda before he went to (do Jedi stuff) and I asked if he could take her the piece of sweet cake that I had saved for her from my Lifeday party. He said he would save it for her when she felt better.

Then Pay-pa made me some mid-day meal (I can't believe I slept so much, and that's even without the Healer's drinks or Pay-pa using the Force!) which was some more soup (thicker now) and some flat bread (no shurra fruit though, I don't like it anymore!)

After mid-day meal, Pay-pa helped me meditate a little, and then I took _another_ little sleep, and then I had to start doing a few _boring_ lessons, including maths and more star charts (but I studied those especially hard, I never want to get lost again!) and Pay-pa said that soon I'll be able to go back to regular Lessons again with Master Vissen. (He had sent over a nice little note that the whole class had signed along with my lesson work!)

Ma-mere came home with Ben (they had been out getting him some new cloths as his don't fit anymore,) and Auntie Leia was with her with the twins and Auntie Winter (who's really big now with her _second_ baby!) and her little girl (who is a little younger than Ben and the twins) named 'Eana'. I think with all the girls and all the babies, Pay-pa was secretly glad that he had to go to a Jedi meeting!

The twins and Ben all went down for _their_ sleeps, and after Auntie Winter fed Eana, I got to hold her (Eana is a really quiet baby!) and I just listened while they all talked about 'balancing Jedi training and galactic involvement and raising families'. Ma-mere asked me if I was OK because for once I was all quiet, (I was just resting in her arms) and I told her that I was just happy to be surrounded by loving people again.

After everyone left, Ma-mere said that Uncle Kay said _maybe_ I could come see Luda tomorrow! He said that I should 'not expect a lot' but just _maybe_ seeing a friend like me might even help her!

I hope so,

Love,

Pem


	42. Chapter 42

**

Dear Tam,

I got to _finally_ see Luda today, but oh Tam, it was so hard!

She was fast asleep, and had lots of scars all over, and bacta bandages on her wrists, and even with the sleeping medicines, she was still breathing kinda fast like she was running.

(Uncle Toa had warned me it would be difficult, but I was determined to be brave for her!)

At one time, she woke up (I think, at least her eyes opened wide) and started shrieking, and Uncle Toa came in (like he was waiting for it) and I thought he was going to put her back to sleep, but he just gently stroked her lekku and told me that she needed to, and I could leave if I wanted to (but I didn't.)

Uncle Toa told me to take her hand and talk to her if I could, so I took a deep breath and tried, even though I was scared.

A couple moments later, she even _stopped_ shrieking and started to cry, really hard, so I got even braver and put my arms around her, and kept telling her I was here and it was all going to be OK. All at once, she turned to 'look' (but her eyes were _so_ far away!) at me and said something in her native language that I didn't understand but for her name for me, (Uncle Toa told me she was asking if I was really here,) so I said yes.

Then I squeezed her hand and told her that she was safe, and I was here and I loved her, and she started to cry more (but it was different now, not as afraid) and kept saying 'Pem-sa' over and over until she got quiet again. Uncle Toa said she should sleep now, and that I could come see her a little later or maybe tomorrow, and that for sure now she would be getting better. He told me that Uncle Kay would be coming in soon, and start helping her to remember stuff (but probably not the 'bad stuff' that she went through on Ryloth yet) and it would be hard for her, but to 'be brave and strong'.

On the way out I asked him why she _had_ to remember _any_ the bad stuff _ever_ , and Uncle Toa just said that it would be 'part of her healing', but it might not be for a long time. I know Pay-pa wants us to go back to Naboo in the growing time, so maybe by then, Luda will be well enough to travel!

I hope so Tam! I have missed my friend.

Love,

Pem


	43. Chapter 43

**

Dear Tam,

I'm _so_ sorry I haven't written lately, but between Lessons, and Ben (who has learned a whole load of words, but I think his favorite is '_NO_') and other things I just haven't had a moment to myself.

Over the last few weeks, Luda has been able to leave the Healer's room (Not far, and always with someone) for a little bit. I get to take her for walks, especially in the Garden, which she really likes. She always holds my hand (because right now she's afraid to let go) and though some of the kids think she's a _girlfriend_ , most of them know that she's not. In fact, I think she really _likes_ Nico (in that way), but they are both so shy around each-other, it's hard to tell. She doesn't talk a whole lot still, and mostly in whispers when she does, and she's really afraid of crowds, and _especially_ other tw'ilek. She doesn't take regular Lessons with us, but I know Nico is teaching her to meditate again. They are very cute together! I saw them sitting together, (he behind her, holding her hands, and her lekku wrapped around their arms.) She was all shakey at first because she doesn't like to be touched at all, except by only a few people, but after a bit she calmed down a lot.

She just had her twelfth Life day, and is even getting ladies breast now, but I still look like a boy. Ma-mere said that it may change soon for me because I've even started my 'courses' now which Ma-mere says I first part of 'being a grown woman'. I don't know about all that, but for the fact that Pay-pa usually makes himself scarce during that time.

There has been a 'scandal' at the Healer's center! I guess Uncle Kay was bedding one of the human Force sensitive ladies that help out there. (Uncle Toa wasn't very pleased, but he says that's just how Kay is, and sometimes he just wants to sleep with a woman and nothing will change that) . But her _husband_ came by, and he wanted to _kill_ Uncle Kay, because she has a _baby_ in her belly, and she told her husband that it was Uncle Kay's! Uncle Toa said that she got really upset when she found out that Kay _couldn't_ sire children (because of the accident that also made him blind) and that 'Toa had more of a chance to sire her child than he had', (which was kinda funny because Uncle Toa doesn't even _like_ girls!)

They left soon after that, and I guess Auntie Leia is going to help 'smooth things over' as the lady is from a 'prominent family', but I heard her and Ma-mere and Gra-ma telling Uncle Kay that he needed to be more 'discreet'. Ma-mere called him something nasty, and said he should respect his Life mate more, and Kay told her that she 'should know the difference between sex and love,' and that 'of all people, she should know that!'

Ma-mere got all mad and said that she 'had never been _unfaithful_ to Luke (Pay-pa)' and Uncle Kay said 'Well, what about him? He had lovers when you were apart, why not now?' That got Ma-mere so mad that she actually slapped him! She said she wanted to hit him again for Uncle Toa, but that wasn't her place, and then they all noticed that I was there, and they stopped talking about it. Ma-mere asked me to take Ben for a little walk, but Uncle Kay said it wasn't necessary as they were leaving anyway, and they (Uncle Kay and Uncle Toa – who hadn't said anything the entire time – but looked so sad,) left.

Ma-mere was still pretty shaken up, but Auntie Leia held her and said that she _knew_ Luke (Pay-pa) 'wasn't the type to fool around' and even more, that 'she _knew_ as his twin that Luke only had eyes for Ma-mere (in that way), and _that_ made Ma-mere feel better.

Then she said that 'it probably wasn't the best time for the news, but she wanted Ma-mere and Gra-ma to be the first to know that _she_ was going to have another baby!' That she hadn't even told Uncle Han yet! Gra-mere 'checked' (because she's a Healer too) and said "Oh yes! He's already well 'settled' (I guess that means the baby is secure in her tummy.) So they started talking about new baby stuff until it was time for Auntie Leia to go home and tell Uncle Han!

Boy, Tam, our family is getting big!

Love,

Pem


	44. Chapter 44

**

Dear Tam,

I've found that if I'm really good and quiet, that Ma-mere and Pay-pa _will_ talk about things (grown up things!) when I'm around.

Pay-pa came home _really_ late (but as it's Lessons free day tomorrow I got to stay up long after baby Ben was put in bed) to wait up for him!

I thought Ma-mere was going to talk to Pay-pa about Uncle Kay, but instead, the first thing she said was "Luke, your sister's pregnant," (but she kinda sounded all sad though!) Pay-pa got himself some caf, and came down and sat next to us, and said he suspected, but he was glad for her. Ma-mere got all quiet and Pay-pa just waited for her to say something, and finally she got all wide eyed and just said his name. (Maybe she thought that Pay-pa had given it to her? Probably not though.)

Pay-pa sighed and said something funny, He said "It's not a contest, Bé, we don't have to match Leia and Han one for one…"

Ma-mere got all mad at Pay-pa and said 'it wasn't that' but it had got her thinking about how I was growing up, and so was Ben, and how maybe it could be a good time for it, or at least think about it again.

Pay-pa told her in a real gentle voice that he could stop the repressors, but Uncle Toa had warned him at the start that 'things might take a long time to get back to normal' (and here he took her hand and got all sloppy eyed! *yuck*) 'but they could try and see what happens.'

Ma-mere grumbled and said she'd 'probably catch within a week,' and how 'she wasn't really sure if she really _did_ want another baby, (!!!) but it was something she wanted them to think about.'

I guess they decided to do more than _think about it_ because not long after, I heard them making love _really noisily_ (their bed was hitting the wall – I don't know _how_ that couldn't hurt!) but that part didn't last too long, and eventually I went back to sleep.

They were both _really_ tired when they got up this morning, but Ma-mere was even humming a little tune as she tried to feed Ben (but he tries to feed himself and makes a _mess_, but Ma-mere didn't mind!) and Pay-pa was walking funny (so it _must_ have hurt a little!) but he kissed Ma-mere before he left and said he would 'be home early' (you can't see me rolling my eyes here, Tam!) . I asked Ma-mere if I could maybe spend the night with Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé (not only will I get to sleep better, but they live closer to Luda's new home with Master Fin) and Ma-mere got a little embarrassed but said it would be OK if I really wanted to. In fact, Auntie Leibé was actually going to take Ben after first meal while she did her exercises and other things, and if _I_ didn't mind, just maybe, Ben could stay with us too. Even though Ben can sleep through a meteor storm, I told Ma-mere I thought that was a great idea, and that I would make sure he had everything ready (including Vitty) before she got here.

Ma-mere kissed me and gave me a hug, and told me how much she loved me (I think she feels bad about waking me up last night, but really Tam, I don't mind. If Ma-mere and Pay-pa are happy, then I am too!)

Love,

Pem

**


	45. Chapter 45

**

Dear Tam,

Luda came over to Gra-mere's home today (Master Fin brought her as he's going off to do some Jedi work for a few days.) Really Tam, I think Gra-mere must have _known_ this was all going to happen because not only did she have a baby-cot ready in what was Uncle Kay and Uncle Toa's room, but she'd even set up bedding for both me and Luda in her Meditation room (which always feels so warm and welcoming, I can sometimes feel Grey-pa Schurke in there.)

At first Luda was still super quiet, but she actually smiled a few times over last meal, and by bedtime, she even giggled once or twice!

She told me that she and Nico had 'promised to promise to be bonded one day', but if I wanted to, I could be promised to them as well, but I said I was happier being her non-clan sister instead, as I don't like Nico in that way anymore. Then she showed me the pretty river rock he had given her, it was small and smooth and all glittery, and she had given him one of her pretty ribbons (but she kept the ones that _I_ had given her). She also told me that they had 'tried deep kissing' but didn't like it much, so they just sneak little regular kisses sometimes when nobody can see them. Nico's not supposed to have a bond mate yet as he's too busy with his Healers studies (he has to learn that stuff as well as Jedi stuff _and_ regular Lessons!) .

I wanted to ask her about how much she remembered from Ryloth, but I didn't know how too, but she seemed to understand because she leaned over really close and her voice got really quiet (even quieter than before). She asked if I was _sure_ I wouldn't want to be bonded to her and Nico, because she owed me her life, and that Nico had told her that it was _my_ idea to come and save her, and she didn't know how to repay me. I told her she didn't have too, that I came because I loved her and she was my sister, and we didn't have to be bond mates to prove that. She got all teary (happy tears) and said that _one day_ she would, and held my hand and kissed me on the cheek and said she loved me before she went to sleep.

I'm going to bed now Tam, but I wanted to make sure I wrote to you first.

Love,

Pem


	46. Chapter 46

**

Dear Tam,

I know, I know, I should write to you more often, but I've been overwhelmed with Lessons and other stuff that's going around.

We are back at the Lake Country (I told you that Pay-pa had talked about doing this many months ago!) and even though a lot has changed, a lot has stayed the same. Ben is getting _very _basic Lessons in with the Force (mostly how to make something come to him and more importantly, _stop_ when he wants to which isn't often as he thinks _everything_ is his!) and although Auntie Leia's belly is already getting big, so far Ma-mere and Pay-pa haven't made a new baby yet. Uncle Han says 'it's because they are trying too hard,' and Pay-pa tells him 'that's half the fun!'. Ma-mere said that 'maybe they should just try the Healers center' and Pay-pa laughed (I didn't understand – I thought Uncle Toa had already stopped the 'repressor treatments' ages ago, but that falls under 'adult talk' so I didn't ask.)

Luda is with us, but she's been kinda sad because Nico is being a bantha-butt. He is nearly 15 standard years old (closer to 16 I think!) and even though he's 'promised to be promised to be bonded' to Luda, he has been hanging out with some older girls and boys. He told Luda that 'it shouldn't matter that he touches this one girl on the breast' and has even 'deep kissed her a couple times' (I think he's done more than that, but I don't want to hurt Luda even more) because as she (Luda) won't let him and 'he has to learn from somebody' so when she finally does, he'll know how to 'make her feel good'.

I told her I thought it was just a funny 'boy thing' and she shouldn't worry, and I think she felt a little better about things then. We got to go to the market with Gra-mere today and there was a person selling tickets for a 'Grand tour of the Core including the Jedi Temple to maybe even see some real Jedi' and we (Luda and I) giggled because most of the regular Jedi at the Temple (aside from us and the Instructors and the students) are only visiting too (and most 'outsiders' who see people in Lessons would never know they are Jedi students as Pay-pa said it's important for us to 'blend in to be effective'.)

I will be 13 years old soon (I told you I was sorry for not writing!) and Pay-pa has promised me that at long last I'll be able to take _real_ flying lessons in a real ship, maybe even Ma-mere's ship the 'Hard as Nails' (its an old ship that Pay-pa gave to Ma-mere on the first anniversary of their Bonding that Ma-mere alternately despairs of and loves, like Uncle Han and the Falcon) and today Luda bought me some paint to wear on my face one day, and some fun pretend jewels to wear. We saw a _lot_ of cute boys, and Luda and I had fun picking out which ones she thought I would bond with someday! I told her that a lot of Naboo boys were 'too pretty' for my taste' (the fashion on Naboo is very girly) but I admitted there were one or two I liked.

When we got back to the Villa, Ma-mere had taken to bed for an afternoon sleep in the sun room and Pay-pa was in very good spirits (Gra-mere asked him if they had 'done it' and Pay-pa only grinned. I guess she meant to ask if they had spent the day trying to make a baby _again_ but lately they do that _all_ the time, so I don't see what the big deal is.)

OK, it'll soon be time for last meal, and Auntie Leibé is making a special feast because Uncle Han and Uncle Chewie will becoming to visit (Auntie Leia isn't allowed to space travel right now so close to her baby's time) and I want to get ready!

Love,

Pem


	47. Chapter 47

**

Dear Tam,

I know, I know, I should write to you more often, but I've been overwhelmed with Lessons and other stuff that's going around.

We are back at the Lake Country (I told you that Pay-pa had talked about doing this many months ago!) and even though a lot has changed, a lot has stayed the same. Ben is getting _very _basic Lessons in with the Force (mostly how to make something come to him and more importantly, _stop_ when he wants to which isn't often as he thinks _everything_ is his!) and although Auntie Leia's belly is already getting big, so far Ma-mere and Pay-pa haven't made a new baby yet. Uncle Han says 'it's because they are trying too hard,' and Pay-pa tells him 'that's half the fun!'. Ma-mere said that 'maybe they should just try the Healers center' and Pay-pa laughed (I didn't understand – I thought Uncle Toa had already stopped the 'repressor treatments' ages ago, but that falls under 'adult talk' so I didn't ask.)

Luda is with us, but she's been kinda sad because Nico is being a bantha-butt. He is nearly 15 standard years old (closer to 16 I think!) and even though he's 'promised to be promised to be bonded' to Luda, he has been hanging out with some older girls and boys. He told Luda that 'it shouldn't matter that he touches this one girl on the breast' and has even 'deep kissed her a couple times' (I think he's done more than that, but I don't want to hurt Luda even more) because as she (Luda) won't let him and 'he has to learn from somebody' so when she finally does, he'll know how to 'make her feel good'.

I told her I thought it was just a funny 'boy thing' and she shouldn't worry, and I think she felt a little better about things then. We got to go to the market with Gra-mere today and there was a person selling tickets for a 'Grand tour of the Core including the Jedi Temple to maybe even see some real Jedi' and we (Luda and I) giggled because most of the regular Jedi at the Temple (aside from us and the Instructors and the students) are only visiting too (and most 'outsiders' who see people in Lessons would never know they are Jedi students as Pay-pa said it's important for us to 'blend in to be effective'.)

I will be 13 years old soon (I told you I was sorry for not writing!) and Pay-pa has promised me that at long last I'll be able to take _real_ flying lessons in a real ship, maybe even Ma-mere's ship the 'Hard as Nails' (its an old ship that Pay-pa gave to Ma-mere on the first anniversary of their Bonding that Ma-mere alternately despairs of and loves, like Uncle Han and the Falcon) and today Luda bought me some paint to wear on my face one day, and some fun pretend jewels to wear. We saw a _lot_ of cute boys, and Luda and I had fun picking out which ones she thought I would bond with someday! I told her that a lot of Naboo boys were 'too pretty' for my taste' (the fashion on Naboo is very girly) but I admitted there were one or two I liked.

When we got back to the Villa, Ma-mere had taken to bed for an afternoon sleep in the sun room and Pay-pa was in very good spirits (Gra-mere asked him if they had 'done it' and Pay-pa only grinned. I guess she meant to ask if they had spent the day trying to make a baby _again_ but lately they do that _all_ the time, so I don't see what the big deal is.)

OK, it'll soon be time for last meal, and Auntie Leibé is making a special feast because Uncle Han and Uncle Chewie will becoming to visit (Auntie Leia isn't allowed to space travel right now so close to her baby's time) and I want to get ready!

Love,

Pem


	48. Chapter 48

_A/N Pem is quoting (paraphrasing) Leia's quote from the opening of the 'A New Hope' novelization – any errors in it are mine, not hers._

**

Dear Tam,

Ma-mere and Pay-pa have been all sloppy eyed at each other _all week_ and although I haven't heard them (thank the Force!) making love all week, they are up to _something_ . Every time I see them, Pay-pa is touching her hands, or her back (just lightly) and are meditating together. He has a few Jedi meetings, but right now 'he's taking a little break' and 'letting them do as they must' for the most part. What ever it is, it's making Ma-mere happy, even though she's very tired.

Nico has been off world with one of the other Healers (I think he asked to go) and has sent a bunch of holos to me and Luda (she says she hasn't seen one of them but I think she's lying because I saw that she's keeping his rock on her nightstand again, and I saw Nomie sulking and giving her dirty looks when she (Nomie) thinks our instructor (in the Non Jedi Lessons) isn't looking, but Luda is behaving like a good Jedi and 'rising above it'.

Bennu and I had mid-meal in the gardens today, and he asked my how old I was and I told him that I was thirteen, and he said that his planet's (Naboo) greatest queen was nearly my age. I told him that I knew, that she was my Gra-mere (I should have told you Tam, that I didn't tell him my Pay-pa was 'Master Skywalker' before) and he said that it couldn't be true because she'd never had children, and I told him that she _did_, after all, where else did Auntie Leia and Pay-pa come from?

Bennu got a really funny look on his face, like he was trying to think of how to tell me something, and at last he said something like, 'Well, everyone pretended they were related to heroes he was little too' and then that we shouldn't talk about it because obviously it was making me mad.

Tam, _mad_ isn't the word I would have used! '_Ready to go all darkside_ on his dirt-busting (butt) is more like it! I told him that my Auntie had said '_They were just people who found themselves in the wrong place at the right time, naturally they became heroes,_' and then he said I was just quoting from the holo-show that we'd seen, (well, sorta – we just kissed through most of it!) and I told him that it was because Auntie Leia had actually said it.

He just shook his head and tried to put his arm around me, and I shook it off. He asked me what was wrong, and I told him I didn't want to be with somebody who thought I was a _liar_, and then he asked why I was still friends with Nassa then (because even though Nassa had snitched out Nico to Luda, I still thought he was OK because she _needed_ to know, and he can't help it if he likes Luda – a lot of boys do.)

_Then_ he (Bennu) said that that he (Nassa) had told him that he had _lied_ to Luda about how Nico and Nomie were a secret girl-friend and boy-friend because she (Nomie) _did_ like him and he (Nassa) really wants Luda to himself, and how Nico and Nomie really _hadn't_ done a lot more than deep kissing and a _little_ touching (that time in the closet was the first time she manage to get him to let her put her hand there – but now I didn't believe _him_ – Nico was enjoying it far too much for that!) and it was all a bunch of wookiee poo-doo anyway, and then he wanted to _kiss me_ again!

I pushed him away (accidentally used the Force – I haven't lost control like that in _ages_ !) and started walking away, and he got all mad and said that I should just go and be with Luda anyway, and I stopped and turned around and asked him what he meant by that.

He got all smug and said that 'it was pretty obvious to anyone with half a brain that Luda liked _girls_ - and _me_ in particular – and maybe I was _just a freak like Nico's Masters…_

I'm proud to say I _didn't_ lose control of the Force, Tam. I was very precise when I picked him up and dumped him into the pond.

Love,

Pem

PS –

I do _love_ Luda, but not in that way (besides, I know for a fact that she really still loves Nico _that_ way), and even if she did, does it _really_ matter? Toa and Uncle Kay have been together since before I was even born and _they_ aren't hurting anybody (Uncle Kay has even stopped 'fooling around' with other people! He said he loves Toa too much to hurt him anymore like that, and if Toa can live with being with one person, maybe he could too!)

The thing is Tam, I kinda _do_ like it when Luda cuddles me, but I _also_ like it when Ma-mere cuddles me too! Or Auntie Leia, or Jaina or even Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé does to! I don't think that means I like girls (Ma-mere says it wouldn't matter if I did, but that should be the last of my worries right now.)

I'm sorry for dumping on you like this Tam, but I don't know who else to talk to just yet. I don't want to bother Pay-pa or Ma-mere, or any of the grown ups, but I'm almost afraid to ask Luda herself! She's always going to be my 'non-clan sister' and Best Friend, but what if she _does_ like me that way (when I don't like _her_ that way?)

I guess in the end I'll have to 'suck it up' (as Uncle Han says) and talk to her.

Wish me luck!

Pem


	49. Chapter 49

**

Dear Tam,

Lots to tell you today, but let me start with the 'big burning question' first.

It's 'official'. I _don't_ like girls that way, and Luda (who says she might someday, but wasn't sure because she doesn't like _anyone_ to touch her 'like that') doesn't like _me_ like that.

I went over to her place (after dumping that rotten no-good Bennu into the pond) and Master Fin said that Luda was in her room maybe watching a holo, so I might wanna knock, so I did.

As soon as I got in, she _knew_ something was wrong because her eyes got all big and she said "What's wrong, Pem-sa?" and I told her what Bennu had said (only about Nico and Nomie) and how she needed to talk to Nico, and she said how she'd got a long _hand written_ letter from Nico telling her _everything_ (she showed it to me, and parts of it made me _blush_ because parts of it were _so sloppy_ !) and that once again they were promised to be promised, and Nico said that he didn't mind if they _never_ did more than kiss, and that he loved her with all of his heart.

I said I was happy for her, and she _knew_ I was still upset, so she asked me what was wrong. We sat together on her bed, and she put her arms and lekku around me, and I got all shaky (because I was afraid she would _hate_ me now) and I told her what Bennu had said about maybe me liking girls (I didn't tell her what he'd said about Uncle Kay and Toa). She got all wide eyed and asked me if I _did_ , and I said how I wasn't sure, and she said that it didn't matter, that she would _still_ love me no matter what. I told her again that I didn't know, and that I had never even _kissed_ a girl and wasn't sure if I even wanted too, and in all honesty, I didn't _know!_

Her voice got really quiet, and she said I could kiss _her_ if I wanted to try it, and I got all scared, but she said it wouldn't mean anything, and that if 'Nico could practice with that sand-dog Nomie and it didn't mean anything' I 'could practice with my Best Friend and it would be OK.'

I said 'OK,' and I kissed her once, and it was just OK. The she put her arms and lekku around me and said 'OK, let's try again' and she leaned in and we even tried deep kissing (I've got better at it) but then we both pulled away and looked at each other and laughed! I told her it felt _wrong_ kissing my sister like that, and she agreed. Her nose all wrinkled up and she said that it was funny, that the only way she could do it was to pretend I was Nico and I laughed even harder because the only way I felt anything other than creepy was to imagine she was Bennu! I asked her if she thought it was because we were sisters, but she said 'No,' (and I'm glad because that's really how I felt) that we were just stuck with the idea that we just liked boys right now.

So that's that! But I still don't understand why Bennu called Uncle Kay a 'freak'. I'll talk to Uncle Toa about it later.

So! The other big news! I am an Auntie again! Auntie Leia had her baby and she said that after a lot of thought (and talks with Pay-pa) she is going to name him 'Anakin Solo' after Grey-pa Skywalker! Pay-pa and Ma-mere are so excited for her! And of course so is everyone else! He is a bit bigger than the other babies were when they were born, and he has a _big_ presence in the Force all ready! Then even _bigger_ news! Ma-mere and Pay-pa told me that I will probably have another brother or sister before my next Life day! (I told them I wanted a sister, but as I have Luda, a brother will be OK too) Ma-mere is glowing like a star-burst right now, and Pay-pa is walking around all proud (Ma-mere said he'd better enjoy 'it' while he could, because this was the last time for sure!) but everyone is really happy right now.

Love,

Pem


	50. Chapter 50

**

Dear Tam,

Today I had a long talk with my Pay-pa, and only a _part_ of it was about how I 'needed to be careful when using the Force' (I told him I _had_ been careful, and that nasty old Bennu has landed _exactly_ where I had intended!) He tried to be all stern (but I could tell that he just wanted to laugh) and just said not to do it again.

Then he gave me some some _really_ exciting news! I get to go with him and a couple other Masters and students (sadly not Luda, she's not ready for it yet even though she's almost caught up with us!) on a _real Jedi mission_!

I asked Pay-pa if it would be like when we went to that planet where they had offered him three 'wives' as a gift (Ma-mere was standing right next to him at the time, and her baby belly with Ben was already showing! She sure wasn't very happy about that as you can guess!) He said 'No' and that it would probably just be just boring negotiating and stuff, but that it was important to us to learn how to 'listen' as well.

The 'Team' will consist of Pay-pa (of course) and me, Nico and Master Lihue, and T'Both with Master Fin (Luda will stay with Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé – Auntie Leibé laughs and says that her and Gra-mere's place has become a camp for children but they love it!) and we are getting _real_ lightsabers to take with us!

Bennu has 'taken up' with Nomie. Nassa says – and he's just nosey about _everyone_ – says both of them are talking about leaving the Temple and going back to his farm on Naboo (that is when they don't have their tongues down each other's throats!)

Master Vissen says that the 'Jedi Life isn't for everyone' (so many of my old friends have left the Jedi Lessons and even though I see them in regular Lessons, it's not the same.) but it seems there are always new people coming in. Some of them are very far advanced (like me!) and some of them can barely lift a rock! Master Vissen _also_ says that it's up to _us_ older students (or in like my case, more advanced) to help 'lead by example' and to help show the rest of the Galaxy that we Jedi were something to strive to be like'.

I went to go find Luda, but she was out with Nico! She had left a message asking me to meet up with 'them' later, but I think they need some time to be alone together. I hope they are going to make up (if they haven't already) because it's so hard to see them both so sad.

As you can guess, _I_ don't have a boyfriend right now, but I'm actually finding that most boys 'my age' aren't too interesting, and the older boys are all chasing after the older girls. There's a holo band I really like called 'The Screaming Mynocks' but I can't have the music too loud at home because it gives Ma-mere a headache (Uncle Han says they 'sound like a bunch of wookiee with their paws stuck in a Hyper-drive' but he listens to old musty music, so what does he know?) but I like them, and the lead singer is pretty cute even though he's _really_ old – nearly thirty nine standard years! (Older than even my Pay-pa I think!)

I think Ben is pulling stuff down off the shelf again so I'd better go help my Ma-mere!

Love,

Pem


	51. Chapter 51

**

Dear Tam,

I suppose you think I talk too much about boys and other stuff (not that you _really_ think, but sometimes it feels like I'm talking to _someone_ instead of writing down what I think on a data-pad.) But there's really more going on than all that.

I _do_ see Uncle Han and Auntie Leia sometimes (and of course the twins that are growing up so fast) but not that often anymore. Pay-pa says that sometimes grown ups 'grow apart' (even brothers and sisters) but he was quick to add that he and Ma-mere 'are very happy' (I'm glad). Pay-pa says that Auntie Leia and he are still very close even though he doesn't see her as much. I guess it's like Ma-mere and Uncle Kay (she was so mad at him when everybody thought that he had given that lady a child, even after because he had hurt Uncle Toa (even though Toa had 'long forgiven him') . It's like me and Nico. Luda has forgiven him for messing around with Nomie (who as I thought, is still with Bennu – we hardly ever see either one without the other and he just ignores me now, even at Jedi Lessons which he takes fewer of. I'll explain that in a minute.) They (Luda and Nico) are still 'promised to be promised to be bonded' (and Luda says he has been 'true to his word' and not caring about anything but holding hands and meditating together and _maybe_ a little kissing,) but I told Nico that if he does it again, I'll use my lightsaber to cut off his man-part so he can't even enjoy his _own_ company, if you know what I mean! I still hang out with them, but Nico and I don't really talk a lot then.

We haven't been told a lot about our mission, but Ma-mere doesn't seem worried at all (at least on the _outside_. I know she worries a little any time Pay-pa goes away.)

Uncle Han has offered to come along 'for extra security' and he added that it was more for me as 'boys will swarm around her (me) like sand fleas on a wookiee"' – but he doesn't know about all the boys I've kissed! – Pay-pa only laughed and said that 'he couldn't get out of napkin duty _that_ easily!' Uncle Han said that it wasn't that, he was used to being peed on, but (then his eyes got all sad) he thought it 'wouldn't be so bad to have a couple days off' (Auntie Leia seems to think he's 'lost some of his fire' and maybe a couple days 'banging around with Pay-pa like in the old days' would do him good.) Ma-mere was the same way with Pay-pa – she practically had to shove him out of the house at one time before he 'started wearing her pretty dresses' (and _that_ made me laugh! My Pay-pa in Ma-mere's best ball gown!) but when he came back, he was _so_ much happier, and even managed to give Ma-mere a 'baby break'.

Pay-pa seemed to remember this because he got a big ol' grin on his face and asked me what _I_ thought about it, and of course I laughed and said 'Oh yeah!' and Uncle Han's face all lit up and said he would go make the Falcon ready for extra passengers and he was whistling as he went! He has a month, so I'm sure it'll be ready!

Right – Lessons soon but I wanted to explain about the new Lessons 'structure.' You see, Tam, as I said there are a _lot _ of new people who come to the Temple all the time (Master Vissen doesn't always know what to make of it because when He was a student, Jedi came in as younglings and most never even knew their parents! Just Like Gra-mere and Grey-pa!) And of course, there are some people who were learning the Jedi way 'in secret' and are even farther along than I am. Some of them stay for a long time (Like Master Vissen) and some people only stay for a little bit (like Poulin Brith). Some people aren't even really Jedi, just 'sensatives' (Pay-pa said that most of the Temple is open to anyone) and come for the basic Lessons such as Maths and such. Some people stay and get more 'Jedi Training' Focus (like me and Luda) and some people (like that bantha-butt Bennu) find after a bit that there are other ways to 'Serve the Force' (even when you don't have your tongue down someone's throat!) just like my Ma-mere (and Auntie Leia) does. She may not go on a lot of Missions, but she keeps Pay-pa 'grounded', which Pay-pa says 'is sometimes even more important than having a lightsaber.

All I know is, I can't wait until we go!

Love,

Pem


	52. Chapter 52

**

Dear Tam,

Over First Meal, Ma-mere and Pay-pa talked about _the mission_ and whether or not we (the Learners) should go at all (Drat! I really want to go) and Pay-pa sighed and said that 'we can't shelter her forever, Bé.' Ma-mere's lips got all thin and she said that I am a bit young to be dealing with unknowns like the _Alderaan Consortium_' (I had to stop and look that up.) It's made up of a bunch of people who used to be from Alderaan before it got blown up but they don't want to be a part of the New Republic. I guess they don't like Auntie Leia too much (I don't know why!) but are OK meeting Pay-pa because they think he 'avenged them'.

In the end, I guess Pay-pa must have convinced Ma-mere that it would be OK, because we're still going (they don't want anyone to know where they all live so we're meeting in 'neutral space' just outside the Core, and they supposedly don't have any weapons because they think they are 'True Alderaani". Ma-mere says Pay-pa 'trusts too much sometimes', but I know she's relieved that Uncle Han is coming along after all.

Today at Lessons, me and Nico and T'Both had some 'special' lessons in 'hand to hand combat' which seemed really strange at first because I always thought that we Jedi didn't fight (and then only with lightsabers) but Master Fin said that as 'true Jedi we must be prepared for any situation, no matter how small we are.' I managed to flip Nico over my shoulder, but then that sneaky son of a gundark turned it around on me and before I knew it, he'd touched a place right on my temple and I was out faster than lightspeed! At first I was really mad when I woke up, but as Master Vissen said, I had to 'be graceful in defeat' and bowed to him for round two. _This_ time when he tried it, I tried to pushed him away with the Force but Sith take him, he managed to trip me up and I fell right into T'Both who was only supposed to watch! Nico tried to get in close enough to try his little Healer trick, I ducked between his legs and managed to catch his arm and pull it _right_ up behind his neck! Suddenly, I _knew_ that he was going to spin around and try to escape so I _let him_ – the momentum (because he wasn't expecting that) made him trip over himself and just as I was going to claim victory, I heard 'BANG – you're dead, or at least stunned'. Master Lihue was standing there with a blaster in her hand!

Master Vissen had us all sit down then, and asked where we thought we had gone wrong, and T'Both piped up 'We weren't mindful of our surroundings, were we Master?' and Master Vissen nodded. He said that we must always try to keep at least a partial awareness of everything around and be sure to _listen_ to the Force as it may save our lives or at least our limbs (and he waved what was left of his arm for emphasis here) and then he dismissed us for the day.

Nico asked if he could walk me home afterwards, and even though I was still kinda mad at him for fighting dirty, I said OK, and we talked about him and Luda. He told me that he still felt really bad about Nomie (and I told him that he should!) but she had done things with him that he really wanted to do with Luda, and he didn't know what to do because there was _another_ girl outside the Temple he kinda liked, and she had told him that 'if Luda didn't she would'! I asked him if he had taken a blaster bolt to the head (or if he was _looking_ for one!) and that he was _crazy_ if he thought Luda would forgive him a second time. He said 'why not because Master Toa always forgave Master Kay'leb' when he had been with other people (even though he hasn't in a long time I guess) and I said that it was because they were different like that, and that if he hurt Luda _again_ like that I would _personally_ stick that rock of hers up his reactor shaft!

He got really sad then, and said he was sorry and it was 'all just talk anyway', and he would '_never_ do anything to hurt her like that again', but Tam, I really wonder. I know Nico is cute and all, but why do these girls keep throwing themselves at him? Funny enough, it's never 'real' Jedi students, just people who are sorta Force sensitive (like Nomie, who probably has the Force as much as a droid does) who fall for him (except Luda, who _will_ be a Jedi someday!)

I don't know Tam, I really don't.

Love,

Pem


	53. Chapter 53

**

Dear Tam,

I am _so_ tired! We worked out almost all day today, (and the "Team" got excused from 'Regular' Lessons today for it thank the Force!) So afterwards, Nico and I went to meet Luda (T'Both stayed behind to do a little more practice - he wasn't tired at all! Must be because he's a Rodian and he's _used_ to running *ha-ha*) and we got dressed in regular cloths and went out to get some ardees and pali treats. Luda held tight to both our hands (she does OK most of the time, but out in crowds she still prefers to have us on either side). Sometimes when we're out I feel kinda funny as both Luda and Nico are taller than me (Nico is even taller than Pay-pa now! Over the last few months he 'hit a growth spurt' and has to keep getting new cloths!) but it was OK.

So we're at Dex's place (he always gives us free ardees!) and the strangest thing happened. This local girl came over to the table and asked if she knew us. Now I'm used to it because a lot of people have seen holos of me and Pay-pa and Ma-mere, but most of the time a simple _push_ makes them not notice, but it was _Nico_ she was interested in. She seemed kinda lost when she looked at him too, and then I remembered the 'special' lessons Uncle Kay used to give me, and as Nico _is_ Uncle Kay and Uncle Toa's apprentice, I got to thinking.

Luda must have caught something too because I could see it in her face. She asked if Nico knew her and he just shrugged and said that she was 'just another Null' and 'it didn't matter anyway.' Luda and I both frowned at him (he knows I hate that word) and Luda got all quiet. Nico tried to cheer her up, but I _know_ Luda thinks (I do too) that he's been doing _something_. She wanted to go then, so we all went home (Nico and Luda walked me back to my place then they went off together).

When I got home, Pay-pa was still out at one of his meetings and Ben was over at Gra-mere's and Auntie Leibé's (he's _so_ active, poor Ma-mere can't keep up, and the new baby is at the 'make Ma-mere sick' all the time' stage as she calls it) and Uncle Toa was there making some food for Last meals! (He was making Ma-mere some stinky soup that's good for her and the baby and some meat and root vegetables for me and Pay-pa.)

After Toa had taken Ma-mere her soup, he sat down with me and we talked about all kinds of stuff until we kinda in a round about way got to Nico and the mean word for non-sensatives.

"Little one," Uncle Toa said (even though I'm not really little anymore) "Your friend, Nico, he is going through a _stage_ of his life. He is… finding himself."

"Does that mean he has to, you know, _that_, with all the girls that look at him cross eyed?" I asked. "And why is he calling them _Nulls_ – doesn't he know that's _nasty_?"

Uncle Toa lowered his eyes and said that he didn't pry too deeply into Nico's 'private' time, but he assured me that he 'doubted it was as common an occurrence as I thought', and I shouldn't dwell on it too much. I told Uncle Toa that it was because of my sister friend Luda that I was upset, and Uncle Toa only shook his head. He told me that 'sadly, you cannot fix everything' and it was 'a hard lesson to have to learn at thirteen' (nearly fourteen, I reminded him.)

I asked him what I _could_ do (other than kick Nico in the head), and he just smiled really sad and said that I could 'only be her friend'.

I tell you Tam, it's like being stuck between a meteor and a comet, and I _hate_ it.

OK Tam, I'm going to bed soon. While I was having Last meal with Uncle Toa, I got a com-call from Luda asking to talk to me as soon as I could. Probably about bantha-butt head Nico, but there you go.

Love,

Pem


	54. Chapter 54

**

Dear Tam,

I am _so_ mad at Nico right now! On the way home last night he and Luda stopped in the gardens to 'talk' and Luda and he had a fight (at first) and he told her he was _sorry_ again, and they started kissing (and then deep kissing) and the next thing Luda knew, they were lying on the grass and he was all over her! I mean _all_ over her! Luda told me that at first she _wanted_ him to, you know, _do things_ but then all at once she came to her senses and got really scared and pushed him off. She said he was really mad at first(??!!) and then was all apologetic and said he didn't mean to scare her!

I asked Luda if she thought Nico had played dirty, (you know, used the Force to influence her at all) and she said 'No', and that she was _sure_ of that much, because that part of her has _wanted_ him to do _that_ for a long time, but then again she just got really scared… I asked her if she had told anyone and again she said _no_ and that it was really between her and Nico, (So why did she tell _me_?) and if I was going to make a 'big deal about it, maybe you (me) should forget I (she) said anything!' Then I could hear Master Fin calling her for First Meal, and she begged me to come and see her later (and since Pay-pa said the meeting had been put off for another week, I have some time) so of course I said yes.

I thought about talking to Ma-mere about this, but I think she would think it was _me_ who was having 'boy trouble', and Pay-pa is too busy working out the other details of the Mission (those funny Alderaani people keep changing the terms of the meeting) and if I tell Uncle Kay or Uncle Toa…

Then I realized that _Gra-mere_ was the one I could talk to! Gra-mere was a _great_ Healer, and more importantly, a good secret keeper, if anyone can help Luda it's _her_!.

**

(Later)

I was right! Gram-mere is the _best_! She said that she 'had a feeling that Luda's healing wasn't complete yet, and if Luda was ready, she could help her!'

The little bit I got to see was really interesting. Luda was really nervous at first, but Gra-mere can put _anyone_ at ease. We were all talking, (Gra-mere, Auntie Leibé and Luda and I) and laughing and getting kinda silly, then Gra-mere started stroking Luda's arms sometimes and at first Luda just flinched like she always does, but after a bit it was like she didn't even notice. Then after a bit, she would do the same to her legs, and her back (which normally just sends Luda into fits, but now she only jumped a little at first.) By the time Gra-mere was touching her lekku, Luda was looking all glassy eyed but happy, and acting like she didn't even notice! (I wanted to ask her if she was OK, but I _knew_ she was because she was with Gra-mere.)

We all got kinda quiet then, and I thought Luda had fallen asleep with her eyes half open. Gram-mere asked her if she would like to lie down for a bit and she nodded really slowly, with a real happy look on her face, and then Gra-mere picked her up and took her into the guest room.

After a few minutes, Leibé asked if I wanted to go walking with her while Luda took a nice little sleep and Gra-mere finished her Healing treatment and I said of course I would! When we came back an hour, I couldn't believe the difference! Luda was sitting at the table with Gra-mere only wearing her basic cloths! Not the over-robes that she always wears _everywhere_ since we saved her from Ryloth and she was laughing – I mean, _really_ laughing. As soon as she saw us, she fairly jumped off the chair and came and gave me a great big hug! She apologized for falling asleep earlier, and said she was _so glad_ that 'Gra-mere Kam' had let her sleep in the guest bed, and that she felt better about a lot of things, but Gra-mere Kam said she still should come visit a few times before she had to come stay for a while (it was only _here_ where I saw the shadow that she's lived with for so long come back over her face, like she ate something really bad.)

Luda was surprised at how late it really was (I thought we'd only just got here? She said.) and to my surprise, she actually ran outside _all by herself_! I was going to go right after her, but Gra-mere stopped me.

"You did a good thing, Pem." She (Gra-mere) told me. "Luda will soon be able to heal _completely_ now,"

"You mean, maybe she'll maybe even…(I didn't want to say because really, that's kinda private)" but Gra-mere seemed to understand.

"You'll see," Gra-mere said. "By the time you and your friends are back, you'll see a whole new Luda."

(Luda didn't seem to mind being out side by herself, she was too busy chasing a flitter-bug in Gra-mere's wild garden)

"What was wrong, Gra-mere?" I asked. "What made her so…" I couldn't find the right words, but once again, my Gra-mere understood.

"To put it simply, dear loving Pem," Gra-mere said "She's learned to like _herself_ again…"

I guess she was right because over the next few days, she even started wearing ribbons on her lekku again, and confided in me that maybe when we got back, she and Nico might (with emphasis on the might) even 'get really closer to bonding'.

Personally, I wonder if he's even worth it!

Love,

Pem


	55. Chapter 55

**

Dear Tam,

What a week it's been! A couple of days ago, I went to go meet Luda to take her to Gra-mere's Master Fin said she had already gone – _by herself_! She had left a message asking me to meet her there because she couldn't wait, but instead of going right away (now I know that part of Gra-mere's treatment involves putting Luda into a 'healing trance' of sorts that I don't know if she (Luda) is even aware when it's happening) and at first when she wakes up, she's always a little confused at first. It doesn't last for long, and every day she gets a little better. (I mean – _by herself_, Tam! I can't remember the last time Luda went _anywhere_ without at least someone with her that she could hang on to!) and last night, she even told Nico that he was on his 'last leg' with her! She told him that he could either 'continue playing with 'easy' women (whatever that means) or 'respect the fact that she just wasn't ready for _that_ and be with her!' (And to think that just a little while ago, she was willing to do 'almost anything' to have him stay as her future bond mate!)

Nico wasn't very happy (needless to say!) and tried to tell her that 'it meant nothing' (I think he meant those other girls) and she told him that 'if it meant _nothing_ then he could live without it! (I'm _so_ proud of my non-clan sister! Standing up for herself!)

Well, after that he said he had to go back to the Healer's Center and pack for the mission (even though we didn't have to leave for two days) but I notice that he didn't ask for his rock back, so maybe he's actually going to listen to her now.

Ma-mere and Pay-pa are spending a little 'alone grown up time' (Ben and is out with Auntie Leibé) before we leave tomorrow. They went out to have Mid-day meal at a nice restaurant at Auntie Leia's 'retreat' in the North Country with Auntie Leia and Uncle Han (Auntie Leia is really worried about this meeting – she says that Pay-pa needs to be really careful and like Ma-mere is concerned about taking us younger ones along – but Pay-pa seems to think it'll be OK.)

I have a little time before I go meet Luda at Gra-mere's, and Pay-pa wants me to practice using the Force to make 'delicate' movements – see if I can make things move without being noticed (well, as much as almost _nothing_ gets by him!)

Love,

Pem

**


	56. Chapter 56

_Later_

Luda and I had a late Mid-meal and she asked if we could go to the Lake Country again someday, and I told her that I would ask Pay-pa, (I know he said he wanted to go at least once more before the new baby was born.)

She then asked me why boys were so _horrible_, because Nico had commed her and said that maybe they could maybe 'take a break'. I was really surprised because she was a little sad but _not_ all weepy, and she said really, she didn't mind so much. In fact she was actually kind of relieved! Of course I wanted to know what had happened, and she told me that she had told my Gra-mere _everything_ that had happened with Nico, and more importantly, what he had said about 'Nulls' (and Gra-mere got kinda mad, and promised to talk to Uncle Kay about what he was teaching his apprentice about Non-Force users) and how she _really_ wasn't ready for that kinda thing.

I asked her how she felt about Gra-mere's Healing sessions, and if she knew how they worked, and she had to think about it for a minute.

Finally, she said "You know, I don't know _how_ they work, but that they _do_. We talk about stuff and eventually it all gets… _foggy_." She stopped here, and thought some more. "After a while, I find myself back on Ryloth," (and she shivered here) "surrounded by all sorts of nasty, scary things, and I start to remember what they did," (and she won't tell me, but I don't think I want to know anyway), "and I start to get scared, but then I hear Gra-mere Kampher telling me that it's all past, and to let it go, and I'm surrounded by the people I love instead, and I know it's all right. It's like I'm watching and feeling poison seep out of me…" She smiled now, and took my hand from across the table. "Pem-sa, it gets better each time, and I couldn't have done it without you!"

I grinned back at her and just reminded her that one day I would need _her_ around to watch my back from nasty things like slavers and pirates and even _worse_, rotten boys! Well, that made her laugh _so hard_, that blue milk squirted out of her nose, and that made _me_ laugh!

Oh Tam, what would I do without my friend? I'm going to miss here when we're gone (even if it _is_ only for a couple days.)

Love,

Pem


	57. Chapter 57

**

Dear Tam,

Another day, another _stinkin'_ delay! Those Alderaani People keep changing the 'rules' of the meeting. Now it's only Pay-pa and _one_ other Jedi and apprentice each. I really want to go (and I think Pay-pa will end up taking me) but I hope Nico isn't the other one. I don't think it will be somehow, because after Gra-mere talked to Uncle Kay, Nico found himself with _extra_ duties at the Healer's center. From what I understand, it will most likely be T'both and Master Fin. (Master Fin wants Luda to still continue her Healing sessions with Gra-mere because sometimes she still wakes up in the middle of the night with bad dreams, even though they are bothering her less and less.) I think Pay-pa thinks Master Lihue is too 'bold' for this mission and Master Fin will give T'both a little 'balance'.

Ma-mere is _very_ worried about me and Pay-pa going, especially now that Uncle Han has decided to stay behind (at least for now he says) because Anakin and the twins are just _glued_ to him (like Ben is to Auntie Leibé – Ma-mere says it's a funny stage that all little ones go through. I guess me and Tam (my other brother) were like that with Uncle Toa for a while.

We are taking Ma-mere's ship, the 'Hard as Nails' and today Uncle Chewie and Ma-mere and I were working on making sure she (the ship) was ready, including the shields and the laser cannon. Pay-pa didn't think it was necessary, but Ma-mere _loves_ working on her ship, and she wanted to do _something_ 'other than lay around the house waiting for the baby'. Her baby bump has _just_ started to show, and she wants to stay active as long as the Healers will let her. We all got to have some _vento feugo_ (which is a really spicy dish from home) and milk to cool it down (Ma-mere only had a little, and then filled up with ju-ju berries and a bit of nerf all ground up – she likes it _raw_ like Uncle Chewie! *yuck*)

Pay-pa came and got us a little later, and I finally remembered to ask him about going to the Lake Country, and Pay-pa said that we could talk about it when we came back. He asked me if I wanted to bring my best friend Luda, and I ran up and hugged him because he _knew_ I really wanted her to come!

Now I don't know what I'm more excited about! The mission or going to the Lake Country! Probably both because now Ben is old enough to play in the shallows by himself (but Ma-mere or someone is always nearby) and Luda and I can swim out the to Island all by ourselves! Pay-pa will go out there if it's in one of the speeder boats, but as a rule, he doesn't go _near_ the water! Funny thing because according to Gra-mere, Grey-pa Skywalker couldn't get enough of it!

It's almost time for Luda's Healing to be done so I'm going to go and meet her and we're going to go into Coco town to get some new pretty cloths, especially for her. Ma-mere gave me enough credits for a snack and at least one new outfit. I want to look nice under my new robes!

Love,

Pem


	58. Chapter 58

**

Dear Tam,

We are on our way at last! As I had hoped, it is my Pay-pa (except for the time, I have to call him 'Master Luke' as a gesture of respect to his rank of Jedi Master.)

Master Fin brought me and T'both to the 'Hard as Nails' and Luda even put off her Healing session with Gra-mere to see us off! T'both looked _almost_ dashing (if a Rodian can even be called 'dashing' *giggle*) in his new robes, and Luda was wearing a very pretty new dress under her cloak. Ma-mere was waiting with Pay-pa (she says they were just fine tuning some things on the 'Nails' because when it comes to _her_ ship, Pay-pa 'doesn't know a hydro-spanner from a wookiee wrench,' but they were _awfully_ clean for working on a hyper drive!)

Ma-mere kissed everyone for luck, and Luda shyly presented us all with pretty stones that she had made into necklaces (mine is a pretty blue green, and Pa-pa's is a soft warm brown like Ma-mere's eyes) and then we were off!

It's gonna take a whole day to reach the rendezvous point, so T'both and I have to settle in and do _Lessons_! Yeah, Lessons while we're on a mission! How rotten is that? I can't concentrate on the data pads though, not only are the stars so interesting out here, but there's something _Not right_ going on. T'Both senses it too, and I know both Pay-pa – sorry, _Master Luke_ , and Master Fin know it too, but _Master Luke_ says we just have to be sure to keep our eyes and hearts open.

I am _so_ hungry Tam! I'm glad Ma-mere made up some easy to prepare meals for us, and at least Master Fin can cook, so I will write more after we have Last meal together.

Love,

Pem

**

_Later_

**

Dear Tam,

We arrived in the space just outside the planet Darrus (it's in what is commonly called the "Unknown Region" and has only recently been charted as habitable,) and it's there where we will meet up with the delegation from the self described 'Real Alderaani'. Pay-pa went to down to the settlement alone because he's _really_ good at staying _Dim_ and if they _do_ see him, they'll think he's just another human like them. It's really strange, there are no _non-humans_ in the colony, and Master Fin thinks that none of the children have ever even seen one! Well, Pay-pa (I can call him that to you!) _did_ say it would be a learning experience!

Love,

Pem


	59. Chapter 59

**

Dear Tam,

Pay-pa has set up a meeting with the some of the 'Leaders' of the colony. It consists of two men and three women. They are called Gesla, Louro, Bedrieg (the women) and Teil, Ustion are the men, and today we met them.

Ustion and Bedrieg are the eldest, and are a bit like Gra-mere. Bedreig has long grey hair and grey eyes, and she was seems very wise, and Ustion is her life mate. Gesla is a little younger (not by too much) with brownish hair with some white, and I think she is a Healer. Teil and Luro are almost as old as Pay-pa, and I think he must like Louro (even though they are not life mates, because he didn't seem too happy to see Louro 'making eyes' at Pay-pa.

Louro has very _long_ dark hair, and green eyes, and she's built kinda like my Ma-mere, and she was really quiet at first, but then started asking all kinds of _personal_ questions (directed at Pay-pa) when I couldn't stand it anymore and said "Master Skywalker has a life mate who couldn't come because she's going to have another baby soon!"

Oh Tam, I _knew_ I shouldn't have done that, but she was thinking some _really_ dirty thoughts about my Pay-pa (and really loudly! She wasn't even _trying_ to hide them!) T'Both covered his mouth in shock, and Master Fin was _not_ happy, but thankfully, Pay-pa just smiled and asked them to forgive me, (then he put his hand on my shoulder and I heard him through the Force telling me I shouldn't worry, but I couldn't help it!) Then he told _them_ that I was just excited, (I was _mad_ Tam!) and that this was my first mission, and that I was mostly here to _listen_ (and he squeezed my shoulders for emphasis here) and that it had been a long journey and we were all a bit tired.

_That_ cooled Louro's back burners a little bit (she seemed disappointed but Teil seemed happy) at least until Louro offered to put Pay-pa up for the night while the rest of us could stay with Ustion and Bedrieg!

Pay-pa only smiled and thanked them, and then said that we would all go back to the ship tonight instead as the Learners (me and T'Both) had to do lessons and he wanted to send a holo home anyway.

They agreed to hear out Pay-pa and Master Fin tomorrow at a big community meeting, and I thought that was the end of it until we got back to the ship.

We were getting ready for bed when Pay-pa asked to me to come to his quarters for a 'talk', and even though I dragged my feet, I _knew_ I was in for it. T'Both gave me a hug and said to be brave (and he told me he was thinking the same thing I was but managed not to say anything! Some help he was!) and I went.

I though Pay-pa was going to be really mad at me, but he gave me some hot sweet tea and asked me to sit down. I did (and tried not to cry because I _knew_ I'd fragged up the mission and would probably never get to go again!) Pay-pa asked me if I knew what the pretty little ring he wore on a chain around his neck meant, and I told him honestly I didn't. He said "Pem, this is a _promise_, one I made to your Ma-mere," I said OK, and then he went on. "Just because there are some people who won't respect that promise, doesn't mean _I_ won't, do you believe me?"

I told him I did, but then I _did_ start to cry because I remember how Ma-mere told me there was a big difference between 'sex' and 'love' (and that's what _she_ really wanted from Pay-pa, Louro I mean,) but I knew how much that would hurt Ma-mere (I remembered how hurt Luda was when Nico started allowing other girls to _nearly_ do sex things with him, so I thought that would be even _worse_ for Ma-mere!) and Pay-pa just held me close and said that 'he only have eyes for your Ma-mere in that way,' and I would just have to trust him, (like Ma-mere does). Just then Master Fin came in and said Pay-pa had a holo from home, and offered to put me to bed (T'both was _already_ asleep!) and Pay-pa said 'No', I could share it with him.

It was Ma-mere and Ben of course! Ma-mere asked how it was going (while trying to keep Ben from grabbing at the holo-projector!) and how I was doing, and I thought Pay-pa was going to tell her how I was a bad girl, and Pay-pa just laughed and said "Oh just the usual." Ma-mere just rolled her eyes and said "Blond or red-head this time?" Pay-pa laughed again, and told her how much he missed her already, and Ma-mere said she missed him too, and that when he got back she'd 'show him just how much' (which means that Ben and I will probably spend the day with Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé, *ha-ha!*) and Pay-pa got a big ol' smile on his face (that I sure know that nasty ol' Louro will never get to see!) .

After Ma-mere said good-night (even though it's the morning there!) Pay-pa carried me back to the bunk and tucked me in (even though I'm getting pretty big for that) and told me to remember to hold on to my run-away tongue tomorrow, and I promised I would.

I tell you Tam, Being a Jedi is hard work.

Love,

Pem


	60. Chapter 60

Dear Tam,

This morning, we(Pay-pa, Master Fin and T'Both) were taken on a tour of the 'city' and a _lot_ of the kids (even some of the older ones of fifteen or more I think!) just stared at us (mostly Master fin and T'Both). As I told you before, a lot of them (the kids) haven't ever even seen people like them (these people are kinda weird – only a few of them actually go off-world and 'strangers' are _never_ brought here to the 'city' – any traders that come are met on a totally different part of the planet!)

I _so_ wanted to take my Pay-pa's hand, but I was brave and just walked around with my head held high and listened as our guide, a young man named Bre'hen showed us around. He was only about fourteen or so when Alderaan was destroyed, and was very proud of 'what they had built here'.

I guess they should be, Tam. All the buildings are made of mud and stuff (but you have to look real close to see it because it looks like white durocrete) and it's really pretty with a lot of flowing water fountains – I think they are made from salvaged ships – but through the Force it feels really… _strange_. It's like everyone is so very sad, I mean _always_ sad. I _peeked_ at some of the people I saw (Pay-pa said it was OK as long as I was 'discreet' and they didn't know it) and although a lot of them were all pretending to be happy, some of them really wanted to 'go home' to a place that doesn't exist anymore. I know Pay-pa and the others felt it too, but Pay-pa and Master Fin just were quiet and listened, offering some quiet praise and such.

Then we were taking to a place that served food, (Pay-pa offered some credits but they said it was 'open to all' and wouldn't take his money) and it was really good stuff that I had never tried before. Some of it made Master Fin uncomfortable (_normal_ people couldn't tell, but _we could_ through the Force) but T'both and I ate _so_ much of it that we were tired afterwards (it wasn't poisoned though – before we went Uncle Kay had given us all special pills that absorbed 'funny stuff' that we couldn't find in the Force anyway because he didn't trust _anyone_ – and only me and T'Both were tired, even though everyone ate mostly the same stuff. Pay-pa said it was because we were still young and weren't so used to space-travel.) Bre'hen said there was a place where a lot of kids got to stay while their parents worked (in the fields and stuff) and we could go there and sleep for a little bit, and both Pay-pa and Master Fin said OK, and they would just be in the room next door talking anyway.

Then that silly shaak cow Louro showed up, (and Ma-mere would have called her way of dress 'more fit for Coco town late at night than a _leader_') and tried to get Pay-pa to 'talk to her privately' and Pay-pa told her that he and Master Fin needed to 'discuss things before the big meeting tonight'. (Ha! I could tell Pay-pa was actually getting annoyed that she wouldn't take a hint too!)

I kinda wish they had found someplace else for us to sleep because all the kids wanted to talk to us about what it was like 'on the outside' and I was trying hard not to sound all puffed up about stuff. I mean, none of them have even see a holo-picture, and even though there's a lot of stuff to eat and no one ever goes hungry, but still.

I'll write to you more after the meeting tonight, but I'm just too worn out (and have a lot to think about.)

I really miss Ma-mere and Ben and Luda though.

Love,

Pem


	61. Chapter 61

**

Dear Tam,

The 'meeting' was really more of a boring free for all, but there's something _different_ that I don't know how or what it is. (I'll be sure to talk to Pay-pa about my feelings tonight – Pay-pa says that's important.)

Ustion and Bedrieg were sitting on one side, and Gesla was sitting with Teil. Louro was there again, but Pay-pa put Master Finn between them. She sure didn't look happy about _that_, but it's funny Tam, there's something _more_ then just wanting to make love to my Pay-pa now – something (as Pay-pa says is _intangible_ which means not even he can really know what it is.)

There were a _lot more_ people there then they expected, maybe even about two hundred or more! You could tell who the family leaders were because they were the only ones allowed to talk (and they were dressed up in really nice but old fashion cloths) at least at first, but then _everyone_ wanted to talk!

Some people said that they didn't want _anything_ to do with the Republic, because it was the Republic that became the Empire (and a lot of the older people nodded.) Our guide Bre'hen stood up and said that they had 'everything they could ever need here' and 'they didn't _want_ the outside Galaxy involved but for the occasional traders they met' and 'soon they wouldn't even need them anyway' (and some people agreed) .

It only got really strange when Master Fin said that he was meeting a supply ship (Pay-pa had arranged this before we left 'just in case') and while some people got really mad, a lot of them seemed excited and scared at the same time!

It kinda all fell apart after that, with a lot of people shouting and saying things like 'this is what _they_ brought upon us!' and others saying 'let us go!' (Which I didn't understand) and during the whole mess I saw Louro give my Pay-pa a strange look and Pay-pa's lips got really thin and he nodded.

Master Fin spoke up (and everyone got _really_ quiet (I _know_ he used the Force to do it, but _really_ subtle-like) and said that he and T'Both would be returning to the Core (leaving me and Pay-pa here for now!) and they 'could take up to twenty people who wished to come' and things went to the Seven Hells really fast, and the meeting was dismissed. Some people (way more than twenty) came up to Master Fin to talk to him about leaving when something _awful_ happened! Louro came up to Pay-pa and put her arms around him and said "I'm glad you finally understand," and she _kissed my Pay-pa on the lips!!_

I wanted to be _sick_ Tam! I was so angry and upset that I didn't even say goodbye to Pay-pa when Master Fin took T'Both and I back to the ship.

Love,

An Angry Pem

*


	62. Chapter 62

*

Tam,

I'm really ashamed right now. I heard Pay-pa come in at first light (and Pay-pa, who's normally as quiet as a sand cat must have made a lot of noise on purpose,) and I heard him talking to Master Fin.

Master Fin asked him (Pay-pa) what had happened and Pay-pa called me out right away. I _didn't_ want to go and hear how he made love to that woman, but then Pay-pa got all stern and said I _had_ to hear, because it was important.

I didn't want to go near him, but he told me to come sit on his lap while he told us what happened. I did and tried not to pout (Pay-pa says one day my face will freeze like that like an ice crystal, but I didn't care.)

Pay-pa said that there was something _really amiss_ here, and that the _only_ way that he could hear the truth was to let people think he and Louro had 'done something private' as that's the _only_ way they could be sure of being left completely alone. Louro had lost _everyone_ when Alderaan was destroyed, including her husband, and she was among a _lot_ of people who really _wanted_ to leave, but as one of the 'Council Leaders' she was forbidden to even bring it up. Teil thought that if she would try to talk Pay-pa and Master Fin into 'bringing in the whole Republic' until she convinced him that she _only_ wanted to 'sleep' with him, but she had loved her _own_ Life-Mate and daughter (who had been nearly my age) far too much to 'do something like that to another family'. Pay-pa asked her how she knew I was his daughter, and she laughed and said that I had his eyes (*groan*). (I _also_ know she was partly fibbing when she said she didn't 'want' my Pay-pa, but he showed her the holo of me and Ma-mere and Ben, and _that_ put an end to it!)

Pay-pa said that she warned us to be really careful, and especially to watch out for Teil because 'he might try something drastic', but didn't know what.

Then Pay-pa said it was time for me to go back to bed, and that we would need to 'be on our toes' for when the supply ship arrives probably as early as tomorrow, and in the mean time, he was going to send a 'private' holo to Ma-mere. Probably all soppy-faced and lovely and stuff.

I'm glad Pay-pa didn't mess around with Luoro, (and I _know_ he wasn't lying about that because he was all tense like he gets when he and Ma-mere haven't 'been together' when Ma-mere doesn't feel good. Besides, I admit I _peeked_ REALLY hard, and Pay-pa wasn't hiding _anything_ then) and maybe she isn't all that bad after all, but I'm still a bit worried – but at least not about _that_ anymore.

Love,

A relieved Pem


	63. Chapter 63

**

Dear Tam,

We went to the Supply ship with Master Fin and T'Both (T'Both is especially glad to be going home – he can't get over the people _staring_ at him!) and I had given him some local sweet-treats to take home for Luda, (and I told him if he ate them himself I'd wrap his antenna around him so many times he could wipe his own behind with them!)

At first there was only _us_ and the crew that unloaded the ship, but after a bit, about ten people (all different kinds) showed up to help unload. They all looked kinda scared and begged Master Fin just to leave the stuff and take them away! Pay-pa said that he and I would go into the village and one of them begged him to wait until they were gone!

Pay-pa promised that we would, and suggested that I go with them (Master Fin and T'Both) but I asked (I wanted to beg, but Pay-pa says that's not a Jedi thing) to stay with him and (I know he wasn't too sure about it) but in the end he let me.

I thought I'd write to you while we waited here at Ma-mere's ship, it's gonna be a long wait.

We did get a holo-message from Ma-mere though! Over night it seems she got a _tummy_ again! Maybe she's had it for a while but all at once it's _really_ showing, and she was too excited to wait to show Pay-pa. Ben was walking all over the place and Auntie Leia came by with the twins and baby Anakin and everyone was waving at us! Then I got a bigger surprise! Luda had sent me one too!

She was wearing the really pretty dress that we'd bought that day and said she really missed me but she had a surprise! She had passed her last first level test for using the Force! She'll be able to join our regular classes when we get back!

OK, Pay-pa thinks I should have a little sleep before we go as it 'might be a late night', so I'll write more tonight.

Love,

Pem


	64. Chapter 64

**

Dear Tam,

We went to the Supply ship with Master Fin and T'Both (T'Both is especially glad to be going home – he can't get over the people _staring_ at him!) and I had given him some local sweet-treats to take home for Luda, (and I told him if he ate them himself I'd wrap his antenna around him so many times he could wipe his own behind with them!)

At first there was only _us_ and the crew that unloaded the ship, but after a bit, about ten people (all different kinds) showed up to help unload. They all looked kinda scared and begged Master Fin just to leave the stuff and take them away! Pay-pa said that he and I would go into the village and one of them begged him to wait until they were gone!

Pay-pa promised that we would, and suggested that I go with them (Master Fin and T'Both) but I asked (I wanted to beg, but Pay-pa says that's not a Jedi thing) to stay with him and (I know he wasn't too sure about it) but in the end he let me.

I thought I'd write to you while we waited here at Ma-mere's ship, it's gonna be a long wait.

We did get a holo-message from Ma-mere though! Over night it seems she got a _tummy_ again! Maybe she's had it for a while but all at once it's _really_ showing, and she was too excited to wait to show Pay-pa. Ben was walking all over the place and Auntie Leia came by with the twins and baby Anakin and everyone was waving at us! Then I got a bigger surprise! Luda had sent me one too!

She was wearing the really pretty dress that we'd bought that day and said she really missed me but she had a surprise! She had passed her last first level test for using the Force! She'll be able to join our regular classes when we get back!

OK, Pay-pa thinks I should have a little sleep before we go as it 'might be a late night', so I'll write more tonight.

Love,

Pem


	65. Chapter 65

**

Dear Tam,

We got home really early in the morning and I was so tired, Pay-pa put was going to me to bed, (he even carried me like a little baby, but I didn't mind,) but Ma-mere actually got up and offered to make us a 'good First Meal'. She was wearing one of Pay-pa's old shirts and some ratty old underwear, and even though I was sleepy, I could feel Pay-pa's heart start beating faster! I don't know _why_ he thought it looked 'sexy' – her hair was all mussy, on top of things, but I guess that's what being in love is all about.

Pay-pa _almost_ seemed disappointed! I heard him whisper to her that he couldn't wait to _really_ feel the baby-bump, (which is funny because he had his arms around her almost the entire time she was trying to make the meal!) until finally Ma-mere asked if I would mind if they went ahead and went to bed instead.

I asked if Ma-mere would tuck me in first (I felt sorta bad for making Pay-pa wait, but I _really_ had missed her) and she said of course. Pay-pa even picked me up and took me there, and kissed Ma-mere and told her to 'take as much time as _I_ wanted' and that I had been a 'brave girl' (which made me smile).

I told Ma-mere about how Louro had tried to make Pay-pa make love to her and asked her how she felt about it and Ma-mere told me that she already _knew_ about that, and that's just a part of how things were, (but she _also_ knew that Pay-pa didn't do that kind of thing because that's who _he_was,) and then I told her how scared I was at times (I didn't tell her about Teil but she _already_ knew about parts of that too!) and she said that I was brave and good, and she was so proud of me.

That was enough for me and before I knew it, I had fallen asleep (but Ma-mere stayed with me until then!)

I woke up a few hours later, and Ma-mere was up and dressed (Pay-pa was still asleep) and feeding Ben (but he stopped eating as soon as he saw me and wanted to be picked up! He's getting so heavy now, Tam!) so I had to eat First Meal with him sitting on my lap pointing and naming everything, and then looking at me to see if he was right!

Ma-mere told me that Luda had commed and asked if she could come over this morning and we could go out to the shopping district, (she _really_ likes to shop!) and she said she would meet me at Dex's if I wanted to. I asked Ma-mere if I could and she said I could if I took my com, so of course I said yes!

When I got there, Luda and a boy I had never met were sitting in a booth and he was holding her hand! His name is _Neb_ and he is an artist. He is nearly _sixteen_ and although he can't touch the Force enough to be a Jedi student, he's still really nice. I guess this was sorta a first 'date' for them, and at first I was a little embarrassed because I thought they might want to be alone to kiss and stuff, but he only stayed for a little bit because he had to go help his pay-pa do deliveries to the Temple.

Luda told me later that she had met him a couple days ago and had asked her if he could buy her some ardees, and she hoped I didn't mind. I said no, (because I didn't) then she told me that she had heard that Nico was in trouble _again_ because he had been caught him _naked_ with another girl! At least that was _one_ story, but Luda had _also_ heard that it had been a bunch of _boys_ and she didn't know _what_ to believe!

We both laughed really hard about that one, Tam! Silly Nico!

She also said that Bennu and Nomie had 'set a bonding date' and will be going back to Naboo in a few weeks. Someone said that Nomie was _expecting a baby_ and that's why they are leaving so quickly! I guess they didn't pay attention during to the part about _how_ to keep that from happening! Bennu had tried to get _me_ to do that with him once or twice, but thank the Goddess, all I ever did with him is let him deep kiss me.

There was something on the holo-net about Darrus when we left, but one of the shops was having a sale on shoes and Luda had a whole bunch of credits she wanted to spend so we missed it. I'll find out tonight when I get home.

Love,

Pem


	66. Chapter 66

**

Dear Tam,

When I got home Pay-pa and Ma-mere were sitting on the couch with Auntie Leia and Uncle Han and the whole _house full_! Uncle Kay and Uncle Toa, and Uncle Chewie, and even Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé were there too. The twins and Ben were playing on the floor, pretty unaware of what the adults were watching while baby Anakin was sleeping in Ben's old cradle.

They were watching the Holo-net all quiet and stuff and the reporter said that they were going to show some stuff that 'little children shouldn't see'.

Uncle Han thought I should go into the kitchen, but Pay-pa shook his head and patted his lap to have me sit on it. Oh Tam, it was _horrible!_ The Holo-net reporter was standing in the grand square on Darrus and was saying things like 'a massacre that hadn't been seen since the destruction of the first Alderaan,' and calling it 'virtual genocide of an unthinkable scale'.

Then the camera panned away and we saw what he was talking about.

Ben pointed at the holo and said "Sleeping! Everybody sleeping!"

At this point, Auntie Leibé and Gra-mere started picking up the babies and took them into the kitchen (Ben fussed at first but Auntie Leibé promised him some Pali-tarts) while we watched the rest.

There were people lying all over the place, kids too! Even _babies!_ Everybody had their arms around each other and they were just lying there! I couldn't look away at first, and then I saw Louro laying at the foot of the fountain, still holding the drinking cup, and I buried my face in Pay-pa's chest.

It seems that almost right after Pay-pa and I left, they all decided to kill themselves rather than 'be tainted' by the rest of the Galaxy. The 'errand' Gesla had been on was to distribute the poisoned drink to everyone, and they had all gone willingly.

For the most part.

I remembered how some of them had said that they wanted _me_ to go with them, and I started to shake, and Pay-pa said that I had seen enough (he was really sad and grim now, I know he was thinking the same thing and then some) and that I should go in the kitchen while the adults talked, but I started shaking even more, and I wanted to be sick.

Then Uncle Toa came over and started to stroke my cheek and fore-head with his fingertip, and it felt really warm. After a minute, I stopped shaking, and really kinda felt sleepy and safe instead, and I let Uncle Toa carry me to bed.

I woke up a lot later and I over heard Auntie Leia talking to Pay-pa telling him that he couldn't have done anything, and Ma-mere brought me in some nice blue milk and some Pali-tarts, and asked me if I was OK.

I asked her if she could hold me close until I went back to sleep (I couldn't get Louro's face out of my mind) and I wanted to ask her all sorts of questions, but they were just too big to come out, so all I could do is cry.

I saw Uncle Toa standing at the doorway, but Ma-mere just shook her head, and held me close and let me touch her tummy where the new baby is while I cried. After a while I _did_ go to sleep again (but I kept dreaming about Louro and the others, telling me how I should have come with them before she started rotting away right before me,) but _this_ time when I woke up, I was in _Gra-mere's arms_ on the couch. Auntie Leibé was rocking baby Anakin back to sleep in Ma-mere's rocker chair.

I guess Pay-pa and everyone else had to go talk to the Holo-reporters and and 'emergency meeting of the Senate committee', but at least I had them around.

Gra-mere promised that Pay-pa would talk to me in the morning, but right now, all I want to do is go back to sleep and dream about being at the Lake country with my family and Luda like Gra-mere promised I would now.

Pem


	67. Chapter 67

**

Dear Tam,

Well, they had a big ol' investigation and talked to a lot of people, including Pay-pa and the few people who ran away before they all went crazy, and I guess that will be the end of that for now – at least as far as that goes. Now all the Holos are talking about is things like survivor's rights and how some senators are arguing about 'salvage rights' to the stuff left behind. It's all pretty messy Tam, because there was a lot of stuff that was saved from the _real_ Alderaan and I guess it's worth a lot of credits to a lot of people, while other people are saying it belongs to the 'people of Alderaan' and stuff like that.

Auntie Leia has been despairing about it all because she's being pulled in all different directions by everyone, even though she's not really active in the Senate anymore, a lot of people look up to her.

I actually got to spend a little time with her today, (Pay-pa suggested I ask her about the _real_ Alderaan – not just the stuff we had to learn for Lessons) and so I did.

She told me about how when she was a little girl about my age, she and her _real_ Pay-pa (she still has a hard time being Grey-pa Skywalker's daughter) she and her friends would go swim (like Luda and I do at the Lake House) and also do all kinds of 'boy' things (much to _her_ pay-pa's despair!) and stuff. She also told me that there was going to be an exhibit of some of the art they found at the 'colony' and at first I wasn't too sure because, well, you know, but Auntie Leia says it will be hard for her too, but we can do it.

She's started teaching me to paint, too – Pay-pa says that's a good way to 'get out feelings that seem too big – so today I painted a big old sky with loads of red and purple and stuff and Auntie Leia said it looked like a summer storm on Alderaan. Ma-mere said it reminded _her_ of one of the places she was at 'during the War', Pay-pa thought it reminded him of his home-world of Tatooine at sunset, and Uncle Kay said it reminded him of the Force when he and Toa are healing someone really sick (because Uncle Kay 'sees' things in a different way). Everyone had a different idea about it, and Auntie Leia said that made it _really_ art, because so many people saw different things!

Pay-pa said that it would be a good time for us to plan our next trip to the Lake Country, I think we're going to stay there for a while because Ma-mere wants to have the baby there. Luda can't come stay for long because she's going to go into Advanced Lessons (Pay-pa will be sure to keep mine up and sometimes different Masters will come and help as Pay-pa is _finally_ going to set up a smaller training center there) but I will miss her a lot.

She and Neb have become _really_ close, she's even teaching him how to meditate! He's not very good at sitting still yet, but she says he's learning. She _also_ said she knows he _really_ is starting to like her, but he hasn't even tried to kiss her – yet!

I have invited them both to come to my Life-day Party, and I have even thought about inviting Nico. I saw him at the Healer's center the other day when I stopped to see Uncle Kay and Uncle Toa (even though he was busy helping one of the other Healers) and he seemed kinda sad. We _won't_ be playing '15 minutes in a Black hole' though!

Love,

Pem


	68. Chapter 68

**

Dear Tam,

We decided to have my Lifeday party here this time, as Ma-mere is too sick to travel. In fact, she's been lying in bed most of the week. Uncle Kay, Uncle Toa and Gra-mere have been 'taking shifts' to make sure she doesn't try to do too much. I heard Uncle Kay talking to Pay-pa about maybe making her come stay at the Healer's center, because he's _concerned_ about her. I am too. The other night I heard her calling for Tam (my brother who died) and Pay-pa had to com Uncle Toa to help her calm down and sleep.

Pay-pa looks like he hasn't slept in days, and I wonder if it's in part because people just won't shut up about Darrus. It seems that anytime Pay-pa leaves the Temple, unless he's _dim_, either the Holo-reporters or people who had friends or relatives (and some who pretend they do) want to talk to him. Uncle Han has let it be known to anyone who isn't family who wants to see Auntie Leia, can't even mention it because he knows of a certain wookiee that will give them a what he called _a cranial-rectal inversion_. (I asked Pay-pa if Uncle Chewie would _really_ stuff someone's head in their rear – once I found out what it meant – and he kinda smiled and said that he didn't think anyone would want to find out!)

We held my party at Auntie Leia and Uncle Han's 'retreat' on the sanctuary here on Coruscant, and even though Ma-mere was there, she 'wasn't'. None of the Healers had given her any medicine, and they hadn't used the Force on her, but Pay-pa told me that this time it's just 'harder' for some reason. He said that he had a special surprise for us a little later tonight, and maybe that would make her feel better. I hope so.

It was a nice quiet party – Luda and Neb came (and all holding hands and making soppy eyes at each other) and T'Both and of course the twins and Ben. Nico came by long enough to say 'hello' (which was strange that he came all that way just to go right away). I got some pretty dresses, some new robes and a nice holder for my lightsaber from my family. T'both made me some sweet cakes which we all shared, Luda gave me some pretty hair pieces and Neb had made me a really pretty picture of me surrounded by people all in blue (you couldn't see their faces). He told me they were the 'Force ghosts', and I asked how he knew what they looked like and he got all shy and said that Luda had explained it to him. Then it was really funny because he blushed when I kissed him on the cheek!

We played some games and ate a lot (Ma-mere had to go lay down because she felt really sick) and it was time for us to go for a ride in the Falcon!

Uncle Han pretends he's 'not good with amateurs' but he let everyone take a turn at the Co-pilot's chair, and everyone even got a little lesson! As it was _my_ Life-Day, I even got to hit the hyperspace button!

We stopped at the main port to let everyone get off to go home, and then weirdest thing happened. Neb asked if he could give me a 'birthday kiss' (Luda was in the fresher then) and I said "OK," and he did.

Tam, it was unlike _any_ kiss I've ever had! It wasn't a deep kiss – just a quick one – but all the same, it made my insides go all funny, and all at once I found that I wished I was a grown up so he could kiss me _more_ , and maybe even something _else_!

I felt so bad, because he's _Luda's_ boyfriend, but on the different side of the same asteroid, I kinda wish he wasn't.

When she came out of the fresher, Luda gave me a funny look, but she didn't say anything (Thank the Force!) and promised to see me tomorrow as she took Neb's hand and they left, but Tam, I suddenly found that instead of seeing Luda, I was really wishing I could just see Neb…

After everyone was gone, Uncle Han pulled me aside before we went to get Ma-mere and Pay-pa.

"Kiddo," he said. "That Luda's your best friend isn't she?" and I told him that she was. Uncle Han then got all thoughtful and said, "Well kiddo… if I'm not mistaken, she's _seeing_ that boy, Neb, isn't she?" and I lowered my head and said 'Yeah'.

He leaned back in the chair and put his feet up on the consul. "I think you know what I'm getting at, short stuff..."

I pouted – I didn't mean to, but I couldn't help it. I mean, Uncle Han had only ever loved Auntie Leia! How would he know what it was like? But instead I just hung my head and said 'Yeah' again, because I felt really bad, but Uncle Han just smiled and offered me a hug which I really liked.

Then all at once I heard Pay-pa calling me from the gangway, and I knew he was waiting for me – I can't wait to see the surprise!

Love,

Pem

PS

I _love_ the surprise that Pay-pa had for us! It's at the Temple in a room just away from the Fountain room and it's only supposed to be for us Jedi. There are places to sit and meditate and in the middle, there was a big old pit with a really pretty grate where a fire will be. Pay-pa said it was going to _'burn forever'_ as an eternal reminder and Light for the Force and those who have passed into it.'

Ma-mere got really quiet and asked why it wasn't lit yet, and Pay-pa just handed her a fire start without saying anything.

Ma-mere started to cry a little, but she was smiling too. She took my hand, and I took Ben's (he was really quiet, like he _knew_ this was a special place) and Pay-pa put his hand over hers, and they lit it, or maybe I should say _we_ did.

I wanted to cry too then, Tam! Because all at once I saw a whole lot of people I recognized! I saw Grey-Pa Schurke, and I thought I saw Grey-pa Skywalker, and a really old man with short white hair (who smiled when Ben pointed at him and laughed!) and whole lot of _other_ people, including my _brother_ Tam, who looked a lot like a younger version of Uncle Kay!

The didn't last long, and kinda faded out as the fire got really strong, or maybe it's because they became a part of it, but we just stood there for a while.

You know, Tam, we all felt really warm in there, but I don't think it was just from the fire.

Love,

Pem


	69. Chapter 69

**

Dear Tam,

I'm sorry I haven't written in a few weeks, but we've been pretty busy. We're (Gra-mere, Auntie Leibé and Ben and I) going back to the Lake Country, to join Ma-mere and Pay-pa there. Uncle Kay took her there not too long after my Life-day party because all the people would _not_ leave us alone about Darrus, and Uncle Kay said it was going to lead to 'bad things' if she didn't 'get away'. Pay-pa has been going back and forth between doing Jedi stuff (there is a 'lot of friction' between those in the Jedi who want a 'Council' and those who just think we should 'leave well enough alone'.) Poor Pay-pa, I know it's hard on him.

Luda will be joining us later today. She and Neb are not seeing each other anymore (and it's NOT my fault, I swear) because (and you won't believe this!) because she and _Nico_ are a couple again! I mean, as in _Promised to be promised to be bonded_ again!

This time Nico even gave her a pretty little ring that he made! Even though she only just had her fifteenth Life-Day, she says that _this time_ it's gonna be forever! She's even let him _really_ kiss her (and maybe even a little more, but she's promised to tell me all about it tonight). She's _really_ happy, and I am even more happy because that means that just maybe it'll be OK if I see Neb by himself if I can find out where he's been. Since Luda told him she was 'really in Love with Nico', he doesn't come to the Temple anymore but his big brother does instead.

Ben is supposed to be doing elementary Lessons, but he really doesn't seem to like them like the twins do (but I _do_ wish everybody would stop trying to hack me up with their toy sabers!) I can cut a credit in half blindfolded now – working on quarters soon.

I do a lot of one on one training with Master Lihue and Master Vissen (but he mostly has a new group of younglings! I can't wait until they get 'the rocks'!) and now even a few 'one on one' flying lessons with Uncle Han (who _finally_ decided to teach regular classes! He said that most of the Pilot trainers are 'too soft'!)

My _favorite_ Lessons are with Pay-pa though. Mostly it's just meditation (he says it calms my hyper-drive!) but even that it nice, because it's one of the few times it's just me and my Pay-pa.

It's kinda scary Tam, today I noticed how much _older_ Pay-pa looks. It's not just the Jedi, and Ma-mere, but a whole lot of everything.

I just wish I knew what to do, Tam.

I really do.

Love,

Pem


	70. Chapter 70

**

Dear Tam,

Pay-Pa sent a holo from Naboo. It must have been the middle of the night there (at the Lake Country Resort) because it was the early after noon here and he looked _really_ tired, like he was gonna drop down any minute. He said Ma-mere had had the baby(!) and the baby was fine, but Ma-mere was really weak, and that if we (Luda and I) came with Gra-mere (who was already half way out the front door) we had to _promise_ to be extra quiet around the Villa, and understand that it might be a while before Ma-mere was able to have a lot of company.

Instead of actually saying yes, Luda and I just nodded (because we wanted to show Pay-pa that we _could_ be super quiet) and good, and I think I saw Pay-pa almost smile, but all at once he looked off holo and seemed really anxious and said he would see us there and signed off.

Uncle Han has offered to take us in the Falcon (Pay-pa must have commed him first) and Auntie Leia said that she would keep Ben with her for a couple days, and we are on our way. I will write more later when we are on the Falcon, including telling you how Luda and Nico got back together.

Love,

Pem


	71. Chapter 71

**

Dear Tam,

I want to tell you how Ma-mere is first. Toa came to meet us at the Landing pad and he didn't have to say anything to let us know how bad Ma-mere was. Gra-mere made us wait outside the bedroom at first, and after what seemed like _forever_ (but was probably only a few minutes) she let us in (the door just opened by itself.)

Even though the room was dark, we could see Auntie Leibé was sitting next to Gra-mere, and holding the new baby and rocking him with a _bottle_. Pay-pa was laying next to Ma-mere while Uncle Toa was helping Uncle Kay wash up. Ma-mere was asleep, and laying her head against Pay-pa's bare chest. I thought Pay-pa was sleeping too, but as soon as we came in, he put his finger to his lips and then pointed to the baby.

Tam, he was _so_ little and wrinkly!! I don't know what colour his eyes are because they were all scrunched up. His name is _Auryn Owen Skywalker_ – or it will be. They haven't had the 'official' naming ceremony yet, and may not for a couple days.

Uncle Toa took us out of the room and helped us make a little meal, including a little soup for Ma-mere for later (she hasn't been able to eat anything, and Toa admitted that he was worried) but it's her very favorite, so maybe she will soon.

SO! About Luda and Nico!

A few weeks ago, Nico actually went up to her after lessons (and Neb hadn't shown up yet) and asked to talk to her alone. He told her how sorry he was and how much he loved her and missed her and all sorts of soppy-eyed stuff, and asked her to meet him in the Healer's garden (which is where they grow a lot of special herbs and stuff just for healing) and _she_ kissed _him_. Well, Luda said she cried and realized how much she'd always loved and missed him too, and commed Neb that night and said she 'needed a little time'. He told _her_ that he 'suspected as much' and told her to com him if she wanted, and that was the last time she'd talked to him.

About a week ago, she and Nico were kissing (really deep kissing) when Nico went to touch her on the breast through her shirt, and at first he pulled away all apologetic, but she told him he _could_, and before too long they were kissing almost _all over_ each other's faces, and their hands were even busier, until she asked him to stop. He was kinda frustrated because she still had her top on (but his was off!) but she told him 'not yet', and then he offered her the pretty ring, and she cried even more, and then they actually _did it_! Right there in the Healer's garden! Yeah, I mean _that_. Luda said it was over too quick to really think about, and it really wasn't anything special (actually, it wasn't even that nice she said) but Nico promised that 'it got better with practice'. Luda says she can live with or without it either way, but it makes _him_ happy so she doesn't care.

Really Tam, I don't know why she would want to, especially when you can do better by yourself, but she's happy that _he's_ happy that they 'can', so I guess that's all right for her. Ma-mere always told me that it's better when your older, and really love the person your with and not just like them so as for me, I think I'll wait until I'm at least seventeen or even older! I know that seems like a long time but all the adults tell me that 'sex' makes things harder between people, so I can wait.

I mean, on out way to the Villa, we saw Bennu and Nomie (and she has a HUGE belly, so it _was_ true!) and they both looked really unhappy. I don't think they were ready for _that_ life, and neither am I.

I hope Luda is.

Ma-mere has woken up while I was writing to you and Uncle Toa says we can go see her, so I'll sign off!

Love,

Pem


	72. Chapter 72

**

Dear Tam,

I heard Pay-pa and Gra-mere _arguing_ this morning! That was like seeing a rancor tap-dance – my _Pay-pa_ raising his voice – it just doesn't happen! The last thing I heard was Pay-pa telling Gra-mere that 'it's your daughter in there, why can't you stop acting like a _Jedi_ and be her mother for just once!'

Well, just as it was getting _interesting_ (and Goddess knows I wanted to know why Pay-pa was so upset? I thought Ma-mere was getting better?) Uncle Toa showed up from behind us (and he looked _stern_ – I guess there's a whole _load_ of tap-dancing rancors out there!) and told us that he would take us into the Village today as they need to get some things. When I asked what kid of things, Uncle Toa just got even _more_ stern and said that 'we would find what we need in the Village' (which I think means he just wanted an excuse to take us out of the Villa.)

We were part way to the skiff that would take us into the Village, when all at once Toa stopped and pulled something out of his pocket. It was one of Luda's ribbons! He handed to Luda who got all wide-eyed and asked where he had found it, and then she got _really_ embarrassed when Toa told her that it had been found in the Healer's Garden.

The new stern Toa also told her that just because she and Nico were different types of people, 'cross breeding' was a 'very real possibility' and told her that he would see her at the Healer's center first thing when we returned (even before she saw Nico again). She got _really_ scared and begged him not to tell anyone else, especially Master Fin, and Toa (who started to be more like normal Toa again) promised her 'on his word as a Healer,' so it was all right then.

On the way into the Village, I asked Toa why Pay-pa and Gra-mere were fighting, and Toa got really quiet. Finally he said that Ma-mere was really unwell, and that Pay-pa was just scared for her and I asked him what was wrong. Toa said that the baby's birth had been really hard on her, and she was very weak. I asked Toa if she was going to die, and he shook his head – not to say yes or no but to say he wasn't sure!

I told the pilot to turn the skiff around because I sure wasn't going to be away from my Ma-mere if she was dying, (and I damn well was about to _push_ him if he didn't but Toa stopped me!) and Toa said that there was _nothing we could do_ and that leaving her to Gra-mere and Uncle Kay (and in peace he said pretty firmly) was the _very_ best thing we _could_ do because 'fear feeds the Dark-side' and makes it harder for everyone. I asked him why they let _Pay-pa_ stay then, and Toa sighed and said that Pay-pa would be all right as Auntie Leia was coming. I guess Uncle Han will be staying with _all_ the kids (Ben, the twins and Anakin) before coming after in a few days. Auntie Winter (who is really close to Auntie Leia) will be helping out with her own son too, as well as Uncle Chewie, so he'll be OK for a couple days.

We saw Bennu when we were in the Village today, he wouldn't even look at Luda, but said that his family had 'a whole bunch of fresh food and special herbs that were good for new mothers,' and would we like to take some back with us. Nomie had a baby (a little girl, and Bennu got really puffed up and proud about her.) I asked him how he knew why we were there and he said that almost everyone in the Village did, but they 'felt protective of the Skywalker family' and made sure that 'curious strangers didn't know where to find us', which made me think that just maybe he isn't that bad all over.

It turned out that a _lot_ of the villagers had donated things like food and local medicine that not even Toa knew a lot about, and one of the local Healers (a non - Jedi) has offered to come and see if they can help. She has lived on Naboo all of her life (never even been off world once and never wanted to!) Her name is 'Stell' and she is _very_ old and is known as a "Wise woman" (She even remembers the _first_ war, when the Gungan people joined with the Naboo to drive out invaders!)

Uncle Kay probably won't like her because she doesn't 'believe' in the Force as we know it, but he can go kiss a _girl_ for all I care, if it will help my Ma-mere!

Stell will come to the Villa with the rest of the supplies later today, and Auntie Leia will arrive not long after. Thank the Goddess the Villa has a lot of room!

Love,

Pem


	73. Chapter 73

**

Dear Tam,

Ma-mere even got out of bed again for a little bit today, and Pay-pa took her for a short little walk along the lake today. I saw them sitting on a bench and just being cuddly (not all soppy eyed though) and quiet, so we let them be. Auryn had his naming ceremony a couple days ago, and he was so very quiet until the wind picked up and made him cold so he squawked a bit about that until Ma-mere finally got him to take the breast. He (Auryn) seems to prefer the bottle though, and I think that makes Ma-mere both relieved and sad at the same time.

Stell knows a _lot_ about Healing, even without the Force, and boy, was Uncle Kay mad at first. He said Ma-mere didn't need that 'Non-Force using wrinkled old prune to help' and she called him a 'Star striding fancy-boy that thought he (bad-word) Corsica gems from his 'butt'!

You would have needed a repulsor lift to pick up Uncle Kay's jaw off the floor! He told her that she needed to go back to her 'potion brewing' and 'leave healing to those who knew about it' and _she_ told him that she knew at least thirty different remedies with the tea he was drinking, and 'maybe he should go back to his hand waving and funny fancy dancing instead!' (Pay-pa, Uncle Toa and Gra-mere just left them to it, claiming they didn't have a reek in this fight.)

You'd never know to listen to them that they have become good friends in the short time she has been coming to the Villa, even though Uncle Kay still calls her 'the old witch' and she calls him 'Fancy Boy'. Funny enough, she calls Uncle Toa 'Mister Toa', and Gra-mare and Pay-pa and everyone else by our first names.

Pay-pa says it's just like 'old times' with Uncle Han and Auntie Leia, but Auntie Leia says that 'they' were never 'that bad', but Pay-pa just rolls his eyes at her (at least he's getting a sense of humor back about things.)

We're going to stay here for a few weeks while Ma-mere 'recovers', but most everyone else (including Luda, sadly) is going home tomorrow. Only me, Ben, Pay-pa, and Gra-mere are going to stay here with Ma-mere and Auryn. Stell and a couple other people from the Village will come and 'help keep an eye on things.' Uncle Kay promised to come back before we left 'to make sure Stell didn't (bad word) up all the hard work he's done, and Stell told him that 'maybe she would be done correcting all of _his_ mistakes in the mean time!'

They are just _too_ silly for words!

Stell told Pay-pa about an abandoned _monastery_ on the other side of the lake, and that one of the Village boys (maybe one of her grandsons – she says she has over a hundred, but I think she's just joking!) will take him there if he wanted to go look at it as a 'potential place to train those Jedi folks', and he thinks he can leave Ma-mere for a little bit.

Ma-mere _wants_ him to go, and 'start getting back to work' and I'll get to go with him when he does! Pay-pa said he would _only_ if Ma-mere promised to com him every hour, and she agreed (this is when they went out for their little walk) and she promised to.

It's almost time for our big 'goodbye' meal so I'll sign off,

Love,

Pem


	74. Chapter 74

**

Dear Tam,

I swear, I've never seen Uncle Han be so super tense when flying! Pay-pa made me come out of the cockpit because Uncle Han was swearing up a storm at all the other pilots! He was using a whole string of new words that not even I have ever heard before!

I guess he was super worried because he had a whole bunch of little ones with him (Ma-mere, and Auryn are still back on Naboo with Uncle Kay and Gra-mere and, but Auntie Leia and all three of the kids came for a visit, and Pay-pa and I are coming back to the Temple for a few days.) Auntie Leibé will be staying with me and Ben at our place so we can visit for a bit.

Luda met me at the Landing Pad so Auntie Leibé took Ben back to our apartment for a nap while Pay-pa went to meet with some of the Jedi that wanted to see him. Luda and I (with Pay-pa's permission) decided to go into Coco town and have ardees at Dex's place!

We got our ardees and I asked Luda where Nico was (he was at the Healer's center because there has been a new sickness that has affected some new people (and the funny thing is, it's only these new people, but Nico wouldn't tell her any more than that) so he has been busy.

I asked her if she and Nico were still doing _that_ (it's funny, I can think of Ma-mere and Pay-pa 'making love' but when it comes to Luda and Nico, it doesn't seem right) and she scrunched up her face. Then she told me that they had done 'it' a couple more times, but she really wasn't too happy about it. She said it was nice when he held her, and kissed her, but the 'other thing' just wasn't that nice for her. I asked her _why_ she kept doing it then, and she said it was because she wanted to make him happy. She also told me that she did _other_ stuff for him (it's really icky. I thought) but he told her that's what grown ups who love each other do, so she does it.

I told her that I didn't think that she _should_ do stuff like that if she didn't want to, and then she got all mad and said I was just saying that because I didn't even _have_ a boy-friend, much less a 'promised mate', and I told _her_ that maybe I didn't _want_ one if that meant I had to do stuff I didn't want to, and she got all upset and went home.

I didn't want to go home myself yet, so I went to the place where Neb's Pay-pa worked (I just had a funny feeling he might be there – I guess it was the Force telling me – and he was!) At first he was all sullen when he saw me, but then he decided that he 'could spare a couple minutes' (and I didn't _push_ him Tam, at least not on purpose) . He brought me a fizzy drink which made my insides go all floppy (at least I _think_ it was the fizzy drink, but to be honest, my insides were going all floppy the moment I saw him again!) and asked me how things were. I told him about Ma-mere and my new baby brother, and how my Pay-pa had found the abandoned monastery, and thought it might be a perfect place for more Jedi training, and all kinds of stuff (he didn't ask about Luda), and then the next thing I knew, he _kissed_ me!

Tam, I have almost _never_ felt like that before when a boy kissed me before! OK, never!! And the funniest thing happened, I had one of my first _Force visions!_ I saw us (I think we were a little older – I know he was!) really _making love like grown ups_ in some place I'd never been before, but unlike what Luda had said, it was _really nice_ even though I knew it was the first time (for me at least). It only lasted a few seconds, and although Neb doesn't feel the Force like a Jedi, he must have felt _something_ because he pulled away really fast and looked all scared, and said he had to go back to work.

At first I thought he was going to ask if we could go see a holo together (I was sure he was) but he seemed too nervous and scared and anxious to go.

I don't think I did anything wrong, I wonder why he acted that way?

Love,

Pem


	75. Chapter 75

**

Dear Tam,

I wish we could either go back to Naboo or Ma-mere would come home or _something_ because right now I don't wanna be here.

Neb won't even talk to me when I try to see him, and Luda won't even _look_ at me during lessons! In fact, I think she's got a new best friend in this new tw'ilek girl named R'owin who has been coming to the Temple. She has the same pretty green skin and eyes as Luda, and they've even started dressing a bit a like when we're not wearing our Lessons robes. T'Both says he saw them _kissing_ even, but T'Both is a _terrible_ gossiper, and if there's not a good story, he'll sometimes make one up. Master Lihue says that spreading stories is bad, and if he gets caught he'll have to do lines, (so would I but telling you isn't the same!)

Pay-pa is going back to Corellia tonight, but Ben and I have to stay with Auntie Leibé because it's only going to be a short trip (a week at most, and most of it just boring short meetings) and he says that I've 'missed too many lessons' this month as it is.

I'm so lonely Tam, I think I would even be happy talking to Nico, but I don't want to hear about him and Luda, and besides, they are really busy at the Healer's center – It's not Tarkin's (Thank the Goddess!) but probably some local thing that they aren't used to here.

I think I'll go see Auntie Leia for a little bit.

Love,

Pem

**

Later

**

I had a nice time with Auntie Leia. The twins were taking a nap and Anakin was playing with his puzzle box (he's really smart! It's supposed to be for older babies but the younger ones seemed to _bore_ him!) So Auntie Leia and I talked for a long time, and she brushed my hair and made it all pretty, and doing it up in the old Alderaan style of two rolls on the side of my head. I laughed and said it looked like I had sticky buns there, but it looked so pretty anyway!

We went to see the exhibit at last (Even Auntie Leia is good at being _dim_ now,) and as Auntie Winter watched the babies, it was just me and her.

Some of it was really sad, because some of the people had tried to _burn up_ the stuff before they died (I guess they didn't want anyone else to have it when they were gone) but there were a lot of pretty pictures (I couldn't look at the people though), and stuff (some of it really made Auntie Leia sad) like furniture and stuff.

On the way home I saw Luda and R'owin looking at shoes in the shop window (which made me kinda sad, because that's what _we_ used to do, except they were holding hands _and_ their lekku!

Auntie Leibé _knew_ I was sad when I got home, (even though she doesn't have the Force) and before I knew it, I was crying and she was holding me and asking me what was wrong. I ended up telling her _everything_, including how Luda and Nico were _doing it_ and how Luda wasn't talking to me, and how I thought that she might even be doing _something_ like that with R'owin, and I was all confused and upset because Luda and I had decided that we didn't like girls but why did she like _her_ like that and all sorts of stuff.

Auntie Leibé just cuddled me and said that Luda was 'just finding herself', and how she of all people knew how hard _that_ was (because after all, Gra-mere is her first 'girlfreind') and people change as they grow up, and even the best of friends went through rough patches, and it would be OK. I asked her why Neb had acted so funny when I kissed him, and why he was avoiding me, and she said it was because some people didn't understand what it was like to be with a Jedi, and how lucky they were, and someday I _would_ find somebody special who liked me for who I was.

I hope so Tam, because right now it sure doesn't feel like it.

Love,

Pem


	76. Chapter 76

**

Dear Tam,

I'm sorry I haven't written in so long, but for the last five months we've (Pay-pa and I) have been going on a few 'missions' (mostly meeting other Force sensatives and boring stuff, but it's ok I guess,) and going back and forth to Naboo. Ben has started his own regular lessons (instead of just the ones Pay-pa and Ma-mere were trying to teach him,) and Auryn is already getting big enough and strong enough to travel, so that means Ma-mere is going to be coming _home_ soon. I can't wait!

I was out with Uncle Toa's friend Verji (who was born here on Coruscant and does some work at the Healer's center and volunteers with the rest of the students) and she was going to help me pick out a new dress to meet Ma-mere in, but she didn't think anything I liked was 'appropriate'! It was either too short, or too sheer or too low cut (BORING!). Verji said that I would 'attract unwanted attention' by showing so much (Ummmm, isn't that the idea?) especially from boys, but I told her that it was OK because they were all afraid of me anyway because of my Pay-pa mostly. (But I _did_ see some of them looking at me when I was trying on stuff and modeling it for Verji, too bad they won't talk to me!) Verji said that I should try to find something that still was pretty, just not so (and she wanted to say a bad word which means 'easy to bed') 'provocative', so we settled on a nice pair of trousers and a very pretty shirt and belt that made me look grown up but not 'easy'.

I guess you want to hear what happened with Luda? It was pretty bad Tam. At first I guess she and R'owin were really close for a while, and sometimes I saw them around with Nico (who looked like the nexu that swallowed the song bird!) and then one day, we got word that Master Fin had taken her (Luda) to Dac (which is Master Vissen's homeworld) to spend some time and 'rediscover her Jedi roots' or some such. I'm really glad for her Tam, because at first she seemed happy (remember, she had asked me to be bonded to her and Nico once, too.) I don't _think_ she had asked R'owin, anyway – T'Both said they hadn't, but Nico had told him while he enjoyed 'watching' (_eww_ – I thought it was a private thing!) Luda _hated_ the fact that Nico and R'owin did stuff that she didn't really want to do with him anymore _anyway_!

_ANYWAY_, yesterday I got a parcel that said it was a _very_ late Life-day present from Dac, and in it was a holo of Luda surrounded by a bunch of people –calimari, twi'lek and human – one of whom I could _swear_ was one of the people we saw leave Darrus! They were all holding lightsabers and dressed in very traditional robes but with the decoration that said they were moving up to the next level of Lessons! This means they are only a few years away from becoming real Jedi knights and will be allowed to go on single missions and actually work with a master instead of just observing! The very best part of it though is that even though there was no letter, there was a grown up hair-clip with a pretty ribbon in a shade of blue that matched my eyes.

I asked Pay-pa about that place, and he told me that it was a special school for students who had 'other issues' that they needed help with to help them without 'outside distractions' (like Luda and that poor kid from Darrus). I asked if he meant for crazy people who might go all Darkside because they were trained in the Force but couldn't handle it, and he got all thin lipped and shook his head.

He asked who was saying such things, and I told him that it was pretty much _everybody_ (well, all the students anyway) and he just shook his head again. I asked if he was ashamed of me for thinking it might be true, and he just sighed and said it was partly his fault for not making it clearer (and no, he wasn't ashamed of me).

He said that _some_ people 'like your friend Luda', (and I couldn't help it, I scrunched up my face here, but Pay-pa just laughed and grabbed my nose like I was still little!) "_Your friend, Luda…"_ he said again, "seemed too worried about being what someone _else_ wanted her to be, if you understand…" and I swear Tam, it's like he understood what _I_ was going through!

I hugged my Pay-pa, and told him I did, and then asked him if he thought it would be OK if I sent Luda a letter (they aren't allowed to have a lot of stuff or even holos!) and he said it would be OK as long as I was 'delicate' if I chose to discuss our friends as it would most likely be shared with everyone (which means I probably shouldn't tell her that Nico and R'owin are seeing a _lot_ of different people – Uncle Toa says Nico probably learned that from the way Uncle Kay used to be – Uncle Kay used to treat 'relationships' like a buffet bar until they were bonded, and even then he would 'stray' on occasion.) Instead, I'll tell her how proud I am that she's doing so well, and a lot of general stuff, but as always, my Pay-pa gave me a lot to think about.

Love,

Pem


	77. Chapter 77

**

Dear Tam,

Ma-mere had a real shock when she saw me – you see, today when I was trying to do my hair, I accidentally cut off a _big_ hunk! Oh it looked awful! (I was trying to give myself some fringe in the front you see) and oh I was scared! Ma-mere was going to be home within a few hours (Pay-pa had gone to go get her and Ben and I were staying with Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé) and I looked _awful_! I didn't want to go into the city to get it fixed (because a lot of the places will _sell_ your hair – really creepy! – but I didn't know what to do, so I tried to fix it myself and it just got _worse!_)

Finally, I covered it all up with a towel and thought about going out anyway, but Auntie Leibé caught me and asked me what had happened, and I started to cry (almost) when she took it off and laughed! She took me in her arms and told me she remembers when _she_ was a little girl and had done the same thing, but it just so happened that she was really good with even short hair (remember she used to help out refuges, and a lot of them had really short hair that she fixed up really pretty, even in those places).

Well, she got out the cutters, and within a really short time (no joke!) she had cleaned it all up and it's all pretty now, even though it's up to my shoulders! It's not as short as Ma-mere's (she keeps it right off her neck even!) But I really like it! I can sweep up the sides, and wear it like a crest (Pay-pa would _hate_ that, it makes me look like a song bird!) and it makes me look even taller than I am!

To meet Ma-mere, I wore my new outfit, with my lightsaber, and wore what's left of my hair in a really tight plait, and Ben kept calling me 'ma-mere' and a _lot_ of boys were looking at me (you can't see how big of a grin I have on right now!) but I keep 'hearing' Pay-pa thinking about Dac, and pretended I didn't see them!

Auryn was asleep in Pay-pa's arms and out of all of us, he looks the _most_ like Pay-pa, with that little dent in his chin and white blond hair (Ben's hair is kinda darker and curly like Ma-mare's, and Auntie Leia told us that in the nursery school everyone already oohs and ahhs over him, and says he's too 'pretty' to be a little boy!) . Ma-mere looked tired and way too thin, so Pay-pa is going to take her right home and make her eat (and probably some _other_ things, even though Uncle Kay said Ma-mere can _never_ have another baby, they can still have 'adult' fun.)

In a few more days, I'm going to get to go on a 'mission' with Master Lihue, just the two of us to one of the sister planets of Corellia. It's just as 'emissaries' to keep the peace between two big families while they negotiate a truce (*yawn*) but still, it's a mission, and Pay-pa says that being a Jedi is a lot more than knowing how to wield a lightsaber after all.

But I'm taking mine, just in case.

Love,

Pem


	78. Chapter 78

**

Dear Tam,

Master Lihue and I have been called home urgently – I meant to write to you during this time we had been here but honestly Tam, it was just _boring_! Even the Grand Ball that they hosted in honor of the negotiations going well was just kinda dull, even with the chance to meet some distant relations of Uncle Han's and some people we used to know (acquaintances of Grey-pa Schurke) it was just OK. I _did_ get to dance with a really cute boy, but as soon as he found out I was still only nearly fifteen, (I am tall for my age and already 'filling out' at last – I'll probably have a big chest like my Ma-mere!) he got all uncomfortable.

So, we are on our way home – Master Lihue looked really grim and wouldn't tell me what has happened, and all she said was that we had to 'get home quick'.

I have a bad feeling something awful has happened!

**

_Later_

**

Someone tried to break into the lower levels of the Temple Archives! I don't mean the places that are open to everyone, but the deep levels that only Pay-pa and a few others have access to. This may not seem so bad, but it's what they _found_ down there!

The people who tried to break in were still down there – but they were all dead but for one, and _he_ was just mynock-(badword)-crazy! I guess they had to close up the room and flood it with a special gas to put him to sleep because not even the Healers could put him out with the Force! (this is all from T'Both – don't ask me how _he_ found out!) and then even the _Healer's_ started getting all snippy at each other –

At least the ones who were close and who had tried to get him out of there.

Uncle Han and Uncle Chewie (I overheard Pay-pa telling Ma-mere and Auntie Leia about this) actually had to _hit_ a couple of them (the Healers) to drag them away from the room, and when they got pulled far enough away, they acted all confused and lost, like they didn't know what had happened. Pay-pa said even still, Uncle Han seemed to enjoy fighting with the Healers way too much, even for him, and even _he_ had a funny feeling, more like being sick than anything.

He said that they were all being taken to the main Healer's center (including Uncle Han) to be 'checked out', and absolutely no one is allowed to go within a hundred meters of that part of the Temple. He has even set up a couple of droid guards and changed the access codes!

Of course, all the students are curious now, but Pay-pa says anyone who goes near it will be _expelled_ from Lessons! He even pulled me aside and told me that I was no exception, and he _trusted_ me…

I asked him if he trusted me so much, then why couldn't I go to help? And he got _really_ stern – I mean, I've never seen my Pay-pa so stern in my life! – and told me that I had better put any 'thoughts of going down there right out of my curly little head', so I promised him I wouldn't.

I just _couldn't_ tell him how I kept feeling that someone was calling to me though.

Love,

Pem


	79. Chapter 79

**

Dear Tam,

I'm so tired, I feel like I haven't slept in days! I keep having dreams that I don't remember, and I'm all grouchy and stuff. Ben and the twins are the same way, and even Anakin and baby Auryn don't seem to be feeling too good.

Ma-mere asked me if it was about 'some boy' and I told her definitely not (because I don't even _have_ a boy-friend) and suggested that if I don't start feeling better soon that I should go see Gra-mere at the Healer's center. Uncle Kay has gone back to Corellia for a little while with Uncle Toa and Nico, and said that he would come back 'once whatever they had found down there was sealed in duracrete and carbonite and blasted into the suns of Tatooine' – whatever it was made him sick and all shakey, and Pay-pa said it would be done within the week as a lot of the Jedi felt the same way. It was a matter of getting it secured (he had to request some special equipment from off world, mining droids and stuff) and _out_ safely.

In the meantime, a lot of Jedi are acting as guardians and stuff because despite Pay-pa's declaration, a lot of students keep sneaking down to the lower levels, and when they're caught, they don't even seem to know _why_ or _how_ they got there, so they aren't getting expelled, but everyone must have some escort if they don't live here at all times between Lessons.

The guy they found down there is going to be transferred to a special place to live as the Healers can't seem to help him! When he's awake, all he does is rant in some language that no one understands, and acts like the light – any light – burns his skin!

Uncle Han and the other Healers are doing better – for a couple days Uncle Han said he was 'feeling off,' – I overheard him tell Pay-pa 'that some days he wanted to do nothing but either fight or (bad word)' and he had so much energy, it didn't matter with _who_ – and that Auntie Leia and Uncle Chewie both wanted to 'knock the _stuffing_ out of him' until he spend a few hours in the gym and then an even longer time just taking the Falcon out and blasting asteroids!

Pay-pa has spent a lot of time meditating and talking to the older Jedi that are here, while Ma-mere has been taking care of Auryn and trying to get in contact with some of the other Jedi who have visited but didn't stay but have promised to help when we needed it, and boy, I think we do.

I'm gonna take Ben for a little walk I think.

Love,

Pem


	80. Chapter 80

**

I dreamed of walking rocks and pirate ships,

And fiery sunsets, and storms on Naboo.

I hear my Pay-pa calling, and Ma-mere singing,

And my brothers giggling.

I see someone I don't know, writing letters on a computer,

and I myself, laughing with my friends.

I can taste Gra-mere's sweet-cakes,

And smell Auntie Leia's pretty perfume.

It's really dark here, and I miss it a lot.

**

%$^^#^ *^$#::: ~~~**% /?&^ ^%$**

_Access denied_

_Access denied _

_Access denied_

**

Hello Tam,

I wonder if you missed me?

I am here, in my own warm bed at last, or at least _a_ warm bed. I think it's in the Healer's center at the Temple, but it's been all decorated like a pretty bedroom. I know it's the Healer's center, because my Pay-pa (who is asleep with my Ma-mere in his arms on a bed next to me) told me so.

I'm really stiff and achy, but I wanted to try and write a little before I go back to sleep for a bit. I'm sorry about all the mess that was entered – I guess Pay-pa tried to access you to see if I had written anything that would help him find out what happened, but of course, there isn't much – just the bad dreams I (and I guess a few others) had.

I _don't know_ what happened Tam, after my walk. All I know is, I woke up here and I _thought_ Ma-mere had brought Ben to see me, but it turned out to be _Auryn_ (which is really strange as I don't remember him being that big.)

Pay-pa says I have been _very_ sick, but may be able to go home in a few days, and hopefully I can write to you more tomorrow as right now I can hear someone coming, and they probably see the light on by my bedside.

Love,

Pem


	81. Chapter 81

**

Dear Tam,

They (the Healers) took out the tubes and stuff out of my arms so I can write a bit better today. I've had a _lot_ of visitors! Uncle Han even said that it was like having someone alive to attend their own funeral service (and boy, did Auntie Leia scold him for _that_ one!)

I guess I have been 'out of it' for a _long_ time! Auryn, who was still on the breast last time I remember, and now he is trying to stand up by himself! Ben and the twins are starting second level nursery school(!?) and even Anakin has his basic Lessons! I guess what ever happened to _me_ didn't happen to Ben.

I have tried to think about what happened, and all it does is make my head hurt a _lot_, so Pay-pa is going to have me have some 'Healing Sessions' with Gra-mere 'when I'm ready', but for now, I'm just glad to be around!

It was Uncle Kay (I don't know _when_ he came back from Corellia for sure, Ma-mere said it was almost as soon as he found out I was 'sick') who told me that what ever it was is _really_ gone forever and ever (and he looked SO old and tired! His hair is almost all white now!) - He seems to know a _lot_ more about whatever 'it' was than anybody, and told me that it had made _him_ very sick once. I have to tell you Tam, at first I was all scared that I had scars like he did, (I didn't want to tell him but I think he knew because he gave me a glass to see myself, and the only thing that's different is my hair is even _shorter_ than it was! Like super short! I don't like it _this short_ because I think it makes my ears stick out, but he says it's growing back fast.) He started to cry at first, saying that he should have stayed the _moment_ they opened the vault and helped, and asked if _I_ would ever forgive him, and I cuddled him really close and said that there was 'nothing to forgive' (boy Tam, I felt really grown up then!) But then the strangest thing happened. It's hard to describe but I'll try.

When I held Uncle Kay, I realized that it wasn't just how he _looked_, but that he was older! I mean, a _lot_ older! Somehow, when I was sick (and I must have been _really_ super sick) he 'gave' me some of _his_ years – like Grey-pa Schurke had when _he_ got sick like I did (but I didn't understand _why_ Uncle Kay lost his sight and I didn't, but then I 'felt' that Uncle Kay had 'gone much deeper' somehow?)

I got scared and sad, because if I was right, that meant Uncle Kay will _die_ sooner because of _me_, and I wanted to cry because that wasn't fair, but Uncle Kay just held me and said that it was part of love, and that everyone wanted to give some, but _he_ was the one who had too the most. Then he said it was like jump-starting a weak battery, and that he _knew_ that I had already done so much of it myself already!

I wiped my eyes (and Uncle Kay gave me a tissue to wipe my nose that was all runny) and I asked him how I could have done it, because the only real mission I had been on with Pay-pa was where a whole lot of people _died_ (on Darrus) and he called a couple holos to him (using the Force – Uncle Kay can't _see_ but he can bring stuff to himself if he knows what it is he wants).

He told me to turn it on, and the first one was a holo of a bunch of people all dressed in work cloths and standing in a garden – the garden here at the Temple! Some of them looked familiar but I didn't know who they were. One of the ladies even was holding a baby in her arms who looked really little like it had only been born not too long ago.

"The baby is a little girl named 'Pemberian'," he told me, and I giggled because of course that's _my_ name, and I haven't heard it for anyone else yet! Then Uncle Kay said in a real soft voice, "These are people who came from Darrus, Little Pilot. These are some of the people you and your Pay-pa _saved_…"

I got all quiet then, and I asked Uncle Kay about the baby because none of the ladies who left were pregnant I thought, and besides, that was way too long ago, and Uncle Kay said that she (the ma-mere) had met and married a man here on Coruscant, and the baby was one of the first ones born.

I couldn't say anything and then he gave me the other one. _That_ was someone I recognized! It was a holo of Luda! She was dressed in _real_ Jedi robes and standing next to Master Fin and an older human who I didn't know (but you could tell he was a Jedi Knight too because of the way he was dressed.) Uncle Kay said that it was Luda and her Master, just before she went on her first mission with him. They went to break up a slave trade ring on the outer rim and had been a great success.

I felt like I'd swallowed a whole shakk and it was stuck in my throat, and Uncle Kay put them on the table next to me and cuddled me for a bit because I had so many emotions all welled up that I didn't know what to do! I just shook and cried for a bit while he held me, and after a bit I was just so tired I was sick and very thirsty.

Uncle Kay asked me if I wanted some water (oh yes) and a little sleepy medicine to calm my tummy, but I told him I wanted to be awake when Ma-mere came back. He promised me that I would be even with the sleepy drink, so I said I _did_ want it, but I wanted to write to you first. It's sitting on my bedside table right now with a little meal of flat sweet bread and some fruit spread, and I'm actually a little hungry, so I'm going to eat and drink the water, then drink the sleepy medicine (which actually tastes really nice when Gra-mere makes it, it's like I can even taste the love.)

I'll write more tonight if I can,

Love,

Pem


	82. Chapter 82

**

Dear Tam,

I'm _still_ here at the Healer's center, but I'm getting better. It's really funny because I can hardly stand up for too long and of course, e_verything_ makes me tired (though I only take Gra-mere's sleepy drink at night, and only every few nights now).

Luda has come to visit! I couldn't believe it at first because she seemed so different! She's taller than I remember, but I think that's more because she's so much more confident than she ever was, and at first she was all stiff and formal, but all at once, she started to giggle, and then _I_ started to giggle, even though it made my sides hurt. Luda got all concerned and asked if I needed one of the Healers, but I managed to get myself under control, and told her I didn't. We sat and talked for a little bit, and she told me about some of the training missions she's been on and such, and how grateful she was to Pay-pa for setting up that _special_ school on Dac, because she and the others had positively thrived there! She and Nico are no where near 'promised to be promised' any more (but they are at least friends now, even though Nico has a few 'other friends' that he hangs out with, and _other_ stuff.) Luda has a friend that she met at school who she kinda-sorta has a 'thing' with. Luda says it's not really a love affair 'per-say', but she's much happier and more comfortable with her than she ever was with Nico or anyone else.

Luda asked if she could walk with me around the Healer's center, and I was glad because I have to do at least one round a day, and one _full_ round without stopping before Uncle Kay and Uncle Toa will let me go home, so I try really hard. Today, we got _almost_ all the way there, when I couldn't go any further, so we stopped in the refectory. Nico and his friends were at another table, but they waved at us as they were just leaving (most of them are fellow Healer trainees, so they pretty much have to eat and run). One of the older boys even winked at me as they went!

Luda laughed and said that even in my sick cloths; I can attract the attention of the boys, and I told her that it was really weird, because I didn't think I was very pretty, but Luda said that I was _always_ pretty, and that made me smile.

She asked me if I had started any special Healing sessions with my Gra-mere, and that it must be so hard because I missed so much (like all the kids life days, including my own!) Uncle Kay says I was 'sick' for nearly four months or so, (but I think it was longer – everything is pretty hazy before that for a while anyway.) I told her that Uncle Han had been frozen in carbonite for nearly a _year_ before he was rescued (by Auntie Leia and Pay-pa and Uncle Chewie and Mister Calrissian!) and _he_ did OK, but as I promised I would go, so I guess I'll start that tomorrow.

Luda walked me back to my room, and I was _so_ tired that I had to take a nap, and when I woke up, I was actually at _home_ in my own bed!

I guess Ma-mere and Pay-pa had a long talk with Uncle Kay, and they all agreed that being home would be the best thing for me at this point, so Pay-pa carried me all the way here while I was sleeping!

It must have done _some_ good, because I can smell Ma-mere's venti-fugo cooking and boy Tam, I'm hungrier than I have been in _weeks_!

I'll write more tomorrow, after I go see Gra-mere,

Love,

Pem


	83. Chapter 83

**

Dear Tam,

Well, I went to see Gra-mere and it was pretty strange for a Healing session. I mean, I _thought_ I knew what to expect, but it wasn't anything like Luda's at all.

Gram-mere didn't touch me all over like she did with Luda, but she held my hands and we talked a lot, but to be honest, I don't know a whole lot about _what_! I remember how pretty her eyes were, and how we talked about _my_ eyes, and Pay-pa's and stuff, and then I think I started dreaming when I was wide awake.

I dreamed about the day Ben and I walked down to the place where Pay-pa had said we weren't supposed to go to, and how I didn't want to go there, but I couldn't help myself. I remember Ben puling away from me, and running away as fast as he could, and how it didn't even matter at the time. I saw Gra-mere standing there, just watching (like she was a Force Ghost in my dream) and I kept walking towards 'that place'. I started to feel all hot, and it started getting really dark (in my dream) and I wanted to start screaming because I knew _something_ was wrong, but the next thing I know, I was back at Gra-mere's place and Auntie Leibé was bringing in some sweet hot milk! How strange is that?

Gra-mere seemed really tired, and Auntie Leibé said that she should go to bed and rest for a bit, and I realized that it was almost time for last meal!

You won't believe who was waiting for me outside in Gra-mere's garden! Nico!

He was still dressed in his Healer's robes and had dug a fair sized hole in the ground with his boot toe, and as soon as he saw me, he bowed and kept his head low and asked if it would be OK if he walked me home. At first I was kinda wondering, because Nico's friends are a little… _rough_, but I didn't find any bad intentions in the Force, so I said OK.

He walked me to the door, and thank the Goddess, he didn't try to kiss me or anything, but he did mention that he and the gang were going to see a Holo-show next week, and asked if I might want to go. I said 'Maybe' (but I probably will, if Pay-pa says I can, but I have _so_ many Lessons to catch up with!) and he smiled at me. Then he said that Maiel – that's the boy who winked at me – really wanted me to go with them, so I hope my Pay-pa says yes!

Love,

Pem

**

Later

**

Pay-pa and Ma-mere said they would 'talk about it', which hopefully will mean yes!

We'll see!


	84. Chapter 84

**

Dear Tam,

By the Force, I have neglected you! I do apologize (and picking up this narrative again is like sinking into a warm friendly water pool) but as you can guess, it has been a _very_ busy few months. Father (Pay-pa) and Ma-mere have celebrated their eighth year of being bonded, Ben is seven (as are the twins), Anakin is five and Auryn has just had his fourth lifeday (which he really enjoyed, finally really getting the idea that it was for him!) and I myself am fast approaching my _sixteenth_ lifeday!

We (as a family) have been splitting our time between living here at the Jedi Temple and at the Training Center on Naboo, where Bennu and his _three_ children (I think Nomie gets pregnant each turn of the moon phase!) are often visitors (the eldest, a little girl named 'Istri' seems to have some Force sensitivity (according to Master Lihue, who stays on Naboo full time) . Stell helps out, and she and Uncle Kay are still battling it out like a couple of old sand cats while sweet, gentle Uncle Toa just puts bacta on the wounds as if nothing is going on. Nico stays at the Temple and pretty much is the 'Lead Healer' when Gra-mere and the boys are gone.

I see Luda and her Master on occasion; Father says she is on her way to being a great Jedi (like I ever doubted that one!) She has many admirers, but these days I believe she is still solely only 'seeing' Kix (that's been her nick name since Dac and I don't think even she remembers what her birth name was) on occasion.

Ma-mere spends most of her time teaching the students how to fly small ships, where she splits the duty with Uncle Han (Uncle Han only teaches me as our first time out, Ma-mere and I just couldn't make it work, but she knows I love her anyway still.) The students never know _who_ will be teaching that day (and on occasion, even Father takes them through their paces – that scares the living _you know what_ out of them!)

Uncle Chewie, not one to be left out, teaches mechanics and other spirituality views (other than the Force) while Auntie Leia teaches Diplomacy.

I guess you want to know what _I_ have been doing lately? Well, I have a bunch of friends, Maiel (who winked at me that day in the refectory – he keeps getting to try to get me to deep kiss him, but it's funny, I have barely kissed a boy since I stopped trying to 'get' a boyfriend when I was eleven!) T'both, I still see around, but he has found that Jedi life proper isn't for him. He actually is working at the Senate as a page to the new Chief of State. There is also Garm and Bale (two human boys) Zee is a female torga and Chalna is another female human with long dark hair and really dark skin. Chalna is the self styled 'leader' of our little group at seventeen, and Zee is the youngest at fifteen standard years old. Chalna was the one who found a way into the abandoned warehouse which makes up our main meeting place.

Shhhh – don't tell, but that's where we have our stash of Corellian Ale! Chalna and Garm got it yesterday, and tonight we're all going to have a little party! Father and Ma-mere are going to a party of their own tonight, and Leibé and Gra-mere are going to watch the children at their home, so if I get _too_ drunk, I can just sneak home and get into bed before my parents get home! Besides, I _saw_ the way the way the were looking at each other this afternoon – I don't think even a ground-quake would attract their attention tonight! They'll be too busy _'jumping to hyperspace'_ to notice anything!

Love,

Pem


	85. Chapter 85

**

Dear Tam,

Oh what a party we had! Zee challenged Cap to a drinking game right at the start (those two are so damned competitive!) and after only six shots (Garm actually had managed to secure a bottle of Corellian wiskey!) Zee passed out on the floor! I'll bet she wasn't too happy to wake up with a whole load of new 'tattoos' drawn all over her face – especially the one that said 'insert brain here' right in the middle of her fore-head!

I got drunk enough to not only deep kiss Maiel, but to even let him put his hand up my shirt for a little while! I know he wanted to go further, but then Cap said he (Maiel) was too much of a fraidy to challenge _him_ to a drinking contest, and so it was on _again_!

Chalna (who was positively blasted) snuggled up next to me, and slurred in my ear that Maiel said he _really_ liked me, and wanted to be my girlfriend – I mean, wanted me to be _his_ girlfriend, but he wasn't sure if I would like to be his, and I slurred back that I _might be_ interested. She asked me if I had ever 'done it' and I told her no and she started laughing calling me 'Pem the Pure'!

Maiel took one more big drink and said that 'he liked that in a girl' and Cap said that Maiel said that about all the girls and maybe even boys, and Maiel said he'd have to be damn drunk but after a few more he 'might even find Cap pretty enough!'

We all laughed about that one, I tell you Tam!

To be honest, I don't remember who 'won' that round, but after a while we all had to sneak back home (and as I thought, Father and Ma-mere were at it like a couple of rancors so they didn't notice that I was home so late!)

Ben came home _early_ and I swear Tam, it's like he knew I was all hung over, because he made _way_ more noise than he needed too! I'm going to try to get some sleep, so I'll catch up with you later.

Love,

Pem

**

Later

**

I guess they _knew_ I was out late last night because Ma-mere told me that if she and Father caught me staying out all night again, I could forget about soloing for a _month_! She also said that she was worried about my new group of friends, that Father didn't think they were exactly good for me, but I told her that they were fine, and made a nice change of pace from just Jedi lessons.

Ma-mere's lips got all thin, and I _knew_ she wanted to say something else, but instead she just reminded me that we're going to go back to Naboo in a few weeks, and not to make too many 'long term plans'.

Too bad you can't hear me sigh Tam, because I am. I want to see if Maiel is going to ask me out _alone_ soon, and I don't know if I want to wait until we get back from Naboo to see if he will!

Love,

"Pure Pem"


	86. Chapter 86

**

Dear Tam,

Maiel finally _did_ ask me out to a holo-show, just the two of us! It was a really scary one (which at first I didn't like, but it gave me an excuse to hide my face in his chest pretending to be all scared!) It was very nice as right away he put his arm around me, and when I didn't object to that, he would occasionally touch the side of my breast which made me snuggle in closer.

At one point of the movie, he said I was so much prettier than the actress who just got her head lopped off, and he whispered my ear that he really liked his 'little Pem Pure', and asked if he could kiss me.

Well, I guess you know what happened next! We were kissing (I mean, deep kissing!) and he began to touch my breast again over my shirt (which made me wish I'd worn something that would let him put his hand _into_ it) He moaned really softly when I put my hand in his lap and asked if I wanted to go someplace where 'we could really be alone' but unfortunately, I had promised to go right home after the holo-show. He was _really_ disappointed, but said OK, and then something amazing happened! He officially asked me to be his girlfriend!

Oh course I said I would be, but he made me promise not to tell the rest of our friends just yet, because it was going to be a surprise, and besides, Chalna might get jealous (because they used to go out and she still kinda wants to be with him I guess).

We're all getting together at our meeting place tomorrow, because Cap says he has a 'special treat' for us all – it means missing the last Lesson of the day, but I think I can sneak away!

Ben has been studying extra hard with Auntie Leia lately. Ma-mere despairs of the fact that he seems way more interested in politics and history rather than his Jedi training, but Father says it's just a phase.

Somehow I don't think it is, but I think it's funny that Ben of all people studies more that I do!

I am just so excited about Maiel being my boy-friend! I can't wait to see him again! I even sent him a holo when I got home – a dirty one where I opened up my shirt almost all the way! He commed me right away when he got it, all out of breath saying he couldn't wait to see me again, and practically begged me to sneak out of the house and come see him right away! I just giggled and said that I would soon enough!

I can't wait until tomorrow; I wonder what Cap's surprise is?

Love (and in love),

"Pure Pem" (in deed if not in thought!)


	87. Chapter 87

**

Dear Tam,

What a 'surprise' Cap had! I don't know _where_ he got it, but he got us all a little Glitterstim mixed with something else! Oh goddess, we were all _so_ wrecked!

The effects only lasted about an hour or two, and mostly we just laughed like crazy over really stupid stuff! Bale and Zee started getting all kissy and cuddley, and Cap just wanted to wrestle with Garm and Maeil. Chalna tried to get all 'friendly' with Maeil, but he pushed her away, but she started just staring at her Corsica gem necklace and saying how she could see the galaxy in it! For me it was really weird! I started having some really weird visions about people I didn't recognize because I couldn't see their faces, and I'm ashamed to admit that I started getting all freaked out, until Maeil came and put his arms around me and said that "poor Pure Pem was just having a bad trip" and whispering all sorts of sweet things in my ear (and some not so sweet *ha-ha*) and I started feeling _just damn fine_!

Nobody noticed that Maiel and I sneaked off by ourselves, and then we stared kissing! I let him put his hands in my shirt and I finally took it off and let him kiss me _all_ over! I didn't want him to stop there, Tam, and I even put my hand on his crotch to show him just how much I wanted him to do, but then all at once he stopped and said we shouldn't do anything more, or he wouldn't be able to control himself! I told him I didn't _want_ him to control himself, and I wanted him to make love to me right there and then, but he wouldn't! He said it was the glitterstem talking, and didn't want it to 'be like that' so he went back to the rest while I was putting my shirt back on. He _then_ told me that if I _really_ wanted to, he would meet me later tonight (I would have to sneak out) and we could 'take things to the next level'. I got mad and said I didn't want to wait, and he laughed at me! He said he would start calling me 'Impatient Pem' if I kept it up, and he kissed me really deep, and finally let me help him out.

It was over really quick, but he seemed to have a better attitude afterwards (and he said I was really good for someone who's never done that before!) and made me promise to meet him tonight.

I know I'll probably get in trouble, but I really want to do this Tam – so I will tell you all about it later!

Love,

"Pure for now" Pem

**

Later

**

I couldn't get out tonight! Pay-pa said I needed to stay in and re-think about what's important, but I already know! I want to be with Maeil!

Pay-pa was really stern and said that if I missed another Lesson, the 'wrath of Ma-mere would burn my hide' and that was just for a start, but if I insisted on 'seeing that boy' (I don't know how much he knows!) that I needed to be 'careful'. He seemed very concerned and then said that we were going to 'move up' our trip to Naboo for the day after tomorrow!

I am _so_ not happy about this to say the least!

Pem


	88. Chapter 88

**

Dear Tam,

Well, it's official! I am no longer 'Pure Pem'! Maeil and I _did it_! At first I was really nervous and all shy because I've never seen a boy with all his cloths off before, and I remember Luda telling me that the first time was pretty nasty, but he was _so_ nice and gentle, that I actually enjoyed it a _lot_! Even the weird ways he wanted us to try which seemed funny at first, but they made it even _better_ for me! I guess the Glitterstem that he brought made it a lot easier and nicer!)

The _only_ thing that was wrong is that he forgot the thing he was supposed to have, and at first we weren't going to go all the way but he said it would be fine if he 'took care of himself' first (ha, like I was just gonna just lay there and do nothing!)

He had even got us a room at a place in Coco town where no one asks any questions, so no one will know but us!

Unfortunately, after today I won't be able to see him for a while as Ma-mere said we were leaving today (and oh is she mad, but she won't tell me why!) and he's promised that he will send holos as long as I do the same, so we did it one more time and then he made me leave first (that was hard because after we were done I hurt all over!) so I went home and got all washed up and got ready to go.

**

Later

**

Ma-mere was acting all funny on the way to Naboo (do you think she knows?) and said that I would be spending a lot of time studying, and not have any time for any more 'foolishness'. She was all grim and thin lipped as she said it, but Father seemed to be a lot more understanding.

He came and talked to me while Ma-mere was piloting the ship and said she was just worried because I was growing up so fast, and not to take it all too much to heart. I asked him if he had been in love at my age and he smiled and said 'a few times' but it was only with Ma-mere that he was 'really in love' with, and that was special. The he asked me if I thought I was in love with someone, and I blushed and said 'maybe', and then he asked if I had been 'intimate' with a boy, and I got _really_ embarrassed and couldn't answer him.

Father got a really funny smile on his face and said that he knew it really wasn't his business, but told me to 'keep my head if I lost my heart', and then he gave me a hug and said that Ma-mere would be OK, and that to remember that she loved me, and that was the end of that.

I hope so Tam, because I really think I love Maeil, and hopefully he'll want to spend the rest of his life with me too.

Love,

"No longer Pure"

Pem


	89. Chapter 89

**

Dear Tam,

We've been here for a few weeks and I haven't had _one_ stinking holo from Maeil!

Zee sent me one, but I think she was pretty wrecked when she sent it because all she could do is laugh through most of it and kept saying "Pure Pem" in a really mocking tone. I have a pretty rotten feeling that something's not _right_, but we're going to go back to the Core in a few days, at least Ma-mere and my brothers and I.

Ma-mere came in and sat down at the foot of my bed and asked me if something was wrong (I didn't want to get out of bed all morning, and Father had already left for the Training Center) and at first I said "No," that I just didn't feel good. She asked if it was because of my woman's cycle and I told her no to that too (I didn't tell her that I had expected it a _week_ ago!) and then she came over and stroked my head and asked me if it was 'that boy', and I started to cry like a little girl! I _couldn't_ tell her how I was afraid of so much, and how I wished I could just erase everything that happened for the last few months, all I could do was cry. Ma-mere just wrapped her arms around me and rocked me like a baby, and said she would send for a Healer (thank the Goddess Kay, Toa and Gra-mere are temporarily on Corellia, seeing over the new class of graduating Healers!) if I thought I needed one. I told her no, that I just wanted to sleep for a bit. She kissed me and said that Luda was going to come meet us here later today, and come home with us to the Temple – her Master wants her to do a little research there before their next mission, which made me happy.

I didn't realize how much I've missed her friendship. Don't get me wrong, Tam. Hanging out with the gang has been a lot of fun, and of course, I love having a _real_ boyfriend, but to be honest, none of them really understand what it's like to be a _Jedi_ , nor do they really care. I guess I'm tired of trying to be so many different things all at once, at least with Luda, I can actually be _myself_.

I've asked Ma-mere if I can go by myself to meet her tonight, and she said I could as long as I was up to it. She even gave me a handful of credits and said to take her out for last meal in the Village and have a good 'girl talk', and then she gave me a great big hug and said she loved me.

OK, I'll write to you a little more tonight,

Love,

Pem

**


	90. Chapter 90

**

Dear Tam,

Oh it was _so_ good to see Luda again! She was just _radiant_ and happy. I asked her how things were, and she and Kix had spent a couple days at a beach on Elerion (they hadn't seen each other in months!) and that they had a really nice time together even if it was just for a short while.

After a moment, she really looked at me and touched my cheek, and said "Pem-sa, what is wrong?" Now, Luda hasn't called me 'Pem-sa' since we were little, and I thought I was going to cry right then and there! I broke down and told her _everything_, and her eyes got wider and wider, especially when I told her about Maeil.

She put her arms around me, right there in the restaurant and asked me the question I was most afraid of.

"Pem-sa, are you, _preganant_?" she whispered, and I shook my head, not to tell her no, but because I didn't know!

I thought she was going to scold me then, (and I knew I deserved it) but she said that glitterspice can 'mess' with such things, and I should see a Healer as soon as possible. I told her I was afraid of seeing Gra-mere or Toa or Kay, because _they_ knew before Ma-mere did, and I was afraid of what they might think.

Luda suggested that maybe we (she and I) could go on ahead (she has her own ship now!) and see Nico. Yes – _THAT_ Nico – because he can help and won't make any judgments no matter 'what I choose to do'.

Oh I hope she (Ma-mere) says yes. Luda trusts Nico implicitly, so I'll put my faith in her and the Force, but every day, I thank the Goddess for my _real_ friend, Luda…

Love,

Pem


	91. Chapter 91

**

Dear Tam,

Ma-mere was _very_ understanding – looking back I think she was a bit _too_ understanding, as was Father – but I was grateful for their combined discretion and for the simple fact that neither of them asked too many questions.

Luda spent the night in my room with me (and she _snores!_ I think that's part of the reason she and Kix only spend part of their time together!) and when we got up at first light, Ma-mere had left out a packed meal for us to take. I'm really glad though, because to be quite honest, I didn't have much of an appetite.

Luda told me to go lay down for a bit, it's a small ship but it does has a place for a person of moderate size to stretch out (which means my legs are hanging over the side unless I pull them up) and all I can do is think. I can't even meditate.

I wonder how in the seven hells I could have been so damn _stupid_? For the love of the Force, I'm a Jedi in training, and worse, I come from a _family_ of _Healers_! How could I have even _thought_ for an instant that this couldn't happen to _me_?

_Any_ Healer would have given me a preventative, had I thought to ask, but to be honest Tam, I just wasn't thinking. I was just so in love with the idea that someone could want _me_ that I just didn't care about the possible consequences, and Maiel was just so handsome, so sure of himself, so… _adult_, that I made the jump without consulting the Nava-computer.

I almost envy Luda, I mean, at least with _her_ lover of choice, the chance of pregnancy is completely a moot point (and despite the fact that they only see each other once in a great while, they are entirely exclusive even though Luda has made no mention of them ever getting bonded), and she's quite happy. Me on the other hand – the last holo I sent to Maiel came back as un-received – I seemed destined for a life of empty love affairs.

_Always in motion is the future…_ One of Father's first lessons that I learned at his knee, but in my case there only seems to be two choices. If I _am_ pregnant, I have at least sixteen years of being responsible for another life (and male or female, that will be the life of a damned _monk_!) I can't bear the idea of ending it artificially. I've seen the heartbreak of lost babies too many times in my Ma-mere's eyes and Auntie Leia's to go through that.

We're entering the final approach for Coruscant Central, so I've got to go up front and act as a responsible co-pilot – the first of many _real_ responsible things I'll have to do from now on I guess.

Nico has promised to meet us _alone_ at the landing pad. I think Luda must have told him _something_, or at least he suspects, because he said he had a room all ready – his 'private office' and no one else even suspects we are coming. Goddess bless him for that.

I'm so frightened, Tam, but at least now I know that no matter what, I won't have to be in the long run.

Love,

Pem


	92. Chapter 92

**

Dear Tam,

To my utter relief (and strange sense of disappointment,) I am _not_ nor was I ever pregnant.

That was the first thing Nico told me when he embraced us (with one arm – I'll explain that in a minute). He even had the nerve to scold me (very gently) about such 'foolish behavior' (even if it was just the one time) and told me that if I ever did Spice again, he'd beat me senseless!

You could have picked my jaw up with a turbo jack! But he wouldn't tell us anymore until we got to his office.

Once we were all settled, (and it's a lovely, peaceful place) I asked him how he knew and he said that he and Maeil had 'a little talk' before he (Maeil) decided that he would find life 'off world' much better. That 'little talk' seemed to have involved a bit more than harsh words, as Nico was nursing a broken arm _and_ the remains of a black eye!

I guess the night after we had our little 'encounter', Maeil was going around actually _bragging_ about how he had 'bagged' a _Skywalker_, and even had hoped that I _had_ caught pregnant because he was _'going to be a part of Royalty'_ then! It all came to a stop when Nico and a few of _his_ friends caught wind of it.

They arranged a 'meeting' (and unfortunately, Healers aren't usually armed) and at first Cap, Bale and Zee (Garm and Chalna had taken a dusting weeks ago) stood next to Maeil, ready to fight (Zee was just blasted as usual, I think Nico said she was eventually taken to a detox center near Tatooine) and they got in a few blows (Cap was responsible for Nico's black eye) when Timo (Nico's closest assistant) got a hold of Bale and 'suggested' he needed to rethink his life, when both Cap and Maeil just went _nova_ – Cap went into some kind of drug induced warrior rage (by the end of it, only a fractured skull incapacitated him enough to stop him from fighting – he spent a couple days in the Healer's center before going back to Iridonia with a pretty good case of the 'I have no clue what I have been doing for the last six months'.)

When Maeil found himself pretty much alone against three Healers, he started acting like it was all some big joke anyway, but they (the Healers) knew it was all a bluff – sure enough, he jumped on Nico (that's when his arm got broken) but by the end of it, he (Maeil) realized that it would be _prudent_ to join up with Garm and Chalna – at least in spirit, and that was the last they had heard from him.

Well, after all that (and I had a good hard cry) Luda said she had to go meet Master Fin and perhaps Nico and I could go have mid-day meal together (and she winked at me when she said this – as if I want to get involved with _any_ boy at this point!) .

He took me out to a really nice (and very private) restaurant – it's _very_ exclusive – it's like some of the hidden rooms at the Temple that are only accessible if you know the right people. You don't have to have a lot of credits, just no holo-reporters or the like (Ma-mere and Father love it here).

We had a lovely meal (and I was hungrier than I have been in _weeks!_) and talked a lot. Nico is very proud of how the Healer's center has expanded (and he doesn't want to admit how big a part he's played in it, but I know.) They have even built up a new wing that is dedicated to helping people with prosthetic mechanical limbs (which is nick-named 'Shurke's fit-it shop' after my Grey-pa!) and he asked if I would come by the Healer's Center tomorrow night, or possibly the night after. It seems that he's so busy all the time that he'd forgotten how nice it was to have company.

Against my better judgment (I won't have a lot of time anymore as Father wants me to start helping with the younger apprentices) I said yes.

Love,

Pem


	93. Chapter 93

**

Dear Tam,

It's been a few weeks since we came back, and as usual, things have been sailing along. Luda has asked if I would mind if she brought Kix to my seventeeth Life day party tonight (it's going to be dinner with the whole family) and of course I said yes.

Too bad Nico can't make it – he's got a rather large workload that day (Uncle Kay is getting him ready to become a Master Healer, and eventually become the Lead Healer of the Temple facility in a few years) but he promised he would make it up to me in a few days.

We've actually been seeing quite a lot of each other lately, but really Tam, we're just friends. After his little 'run in' with Maeil, I've been teaching him some elementary combat, and he has been teaching me some expanded healing techniques.

Just friends, really.

I mean, he was such a… a bantha's ass! He had more lovers than I've had hot meals, and yet.

He hasn't even tried to kiss me, or hold my hand for more than a second except when we meditate together, but there's a warmth and a comfort there between us – it's not like _anything_ I've ever felt.

Oh dear Goddess… I think I'm in love with him.

I can't tell him this though, I'm afraid it will ruin what we have and the last thing I want is to do that.

*sighs*

Father and Auntie Leia are going to be the guests of honor at an Annual Grand Ball (Ma-mere and he first 'met' there, or so they tell me, but Gra-mere says it's just the place where they fell in love.) and I'm going to see if I can talk uncle Kay into giving Nico the night off. I'll need an escort, after all…

*

Later

**

When I got home, Ma-mere told me there had been a delivery for me (not surprised, it is my Lifeday after all,) but Tam, I was so… touched. I didn't even need to ask who it was from when I saw it laying across my pillow.

It was a single Naboo flower, taken from the Healer's garden.

I'll sign this off as how I truly am,

(In) love,

Pem


	94. Chapter 94

**

Dear Tam,

I really wish there was a way to save pictures to you, but I'm afraid you'll just have to rely on what I tell you for now.

Father and Uncle Han looked as handsome as ever, although it was kind of scary seeing how much grey has encroached into Uncle Han's hair (Father's is too light to really see, and it just looks lighter, like salt in the great Dune Sea). Uncle Chewie's fur was soft and silkier than ever, and but for the little bit of white around his muzzle, he looked very much the same as the first time I saw him. I was so little, and he was _so_ huge and gentle. The children – the twins, Ben, Anakin and Auryn – adore him as I did, and although they were well behaved (sitting with Gra-mere and Leibé) you knew it couldn't last long. As soon as Uncle Han and Auntie Leia, and Father and Ma-mere appeared, Auryn pointed and Anakin shouted "Ma-MERE!"

Well, that got the crowd laughing and I saw Ma-mere blush, and Father grin, even as Auntie Leia (who smiled, even as she elbowed Uncle Han in the ribs _really_ hard!)

Auntie Leia wore a lovely white dress with heavily embroidered epilets, and lovely sashes with the Crest of the Royal House of Alderaan complimented with the symbols of the New Republic in a beautiful deep blue and gold, with her incredibly long hair done up in a series of fancy plaits and ringlets. My Ma-mere, who still wears her hair short, wore a dark green satin dress with a red shimmer-silk inset (a variation on her Corellian Bloodstripe) that allowed her to actually walk, as it fills the gap where there's a slit all the way up her very pretty leg (and heels – my Ma-mere _hates_ heels!) and a simple collar that left her back bare. You could _almost_ see the tiny tattoo of the blue mynock that's right on her rear, it was cut so low, and at first she wanted to have the dress altered to hide it, but Father said that 'it was part of who she is' and gave her that sloppy look (which makes me wonder how long that dress stayed on after they got home!) So she let it be.

I wore a vintage dress that I picked up in the Village on Naboo. It's so delicate, and made of shimmersilk, and looks like a floating sunrise. Like my Ma-mere's dress, it was backless (but my dress had a metal circlet to hold up the front) but I wore a false hair of ringlets (it's the latest fashion here on the core – short during the day and impossibly long at night! My false hair went right down to my hips!) that I could _never_ manage for day to day!

Nico… he took my breath away. He showed up right on the hour, with and eternal Naboo rose (it's a delicate crystal) for my hair. He was wearing white leather gloves, black boots, and a dark green suit with a high buttoned neck. His dark wavy hair was mostly slicked back, but for the long plait in the back. He had even used a touch of blackening to line his eyes (which I could hardly take mine away from!) When he offered me his hand for the first dance, my knees were shaking!

At last hour, (when night becomes the next day) the wonderful Bith band began to play a really old fashion waltz. I think its Ma-mere's and Father's favorite tune, as they were dancing _exceptionally_ close, (with Father's hand occasionally _straying_ to where Ma-mere's tattoo is!) and once again, Nico took my hand and lead me out to the dance floor.

I rested my head on his shoulder (and I could hear his heart pounding!) and we danced really slowly. At the end of it, we pulled away and for a second, we just looked at each other. I closed my eyes, hoping that he wasn't just going to lead me back to the table, but very slowly, he leaned in and kissed me.

It wasn't just a _friendly_ kiss, nor was it a _deep_ kiss, but it was probably the _best_ kiss I've ever had in my life. It was soft, and slow, and his tongue touched mine just ever so slightly as our lips parted.

Then the lights came up ever so slightly (and I could feel the mix of approving and disapproving looks, but neither of us cared!) and Nico asked if he could escort me home. Father and Ma-mere were going to stay a little longer, and then retire to the hotel room that Father had booked as a surprise for her. I had helped him pack an over night bag for her while she was off giving flight lessons (that included of all things the raggiest pair of underwear I've ever seen in my life!) and I would have the house to myself tonight as Gra-mere and Auntie Leibé had taken _all_ the children to their place tonight!

Nico walked me home, and we held hands all the way there, and I had already decided that if he wanted to stay with me, he could but when we got to the door, he didn't want to come in! He _did_ kiss me again, a bit longer and deeper than on the dance floor, but he kept his hands down by my waist.

I was so confused, I said "Nico Canaille, (because he has adopted our family name a few years after he was apprenticed to Uncle Kay and Uncle Toa,) don't you… you know, _want_ me?"

He blushed and got all uncomfortable (at least I know he wanted me _physically_!) and said he _loved_ me,(!!!!) and _of course_ he wanted me, but he needed to show me something first, and promised that if I came by his office tomorrow, I would understand. At first I was heartbroken because I thought he was going to tell me he was promised to someone, or _worse_, but then he cradled my face in his hands and kissed me again, so long and soft, that I could have just melted right there (and I think I did, with those words _'I love you'_ ringing in my ears!)

He gave me one last little kiss as I closed the door, and I knew that tomorrow would drag on _forever_, but for Nico, I'm willing to wait.

Love,

Pem


	95. Chapter 95

**

Dear Tam,

I have _never_ felt so angry and dirty in my life! I wanted to scream and throw up and cry all at once, and after I met up with Nico, I had to go to the training room and take out my rage and aggression on the remotes.

I wore a pretty, fairly innocent outfit to meet with Nico, and he was all solemn and dressed in his Healer's robes when the younger apprentice showed me in and closed the door.

"Pem," he said holding up a vial full of golden brown powder. "Do you know what this is?"

I frowned and told him that of course I did, hells, _everyone_ did! It was a vial of glitterstim. Then he held up another vial, and I got all embarrassed and a little angry. After all of his lectures about _me_ doing Spice, here was Nico with the very same type of Spice that the 'gang' had taken months ago! I opened my mouth to tell him off, but he shook his head and started talking again.

He said that this was a very rare and special blend of Narco-Spice that when used by Healers, was a very powerful tool, especially when dealing with people who had gone through trauma, and resisted traditional sedatives and Healing techniques. It was _also_ used by _slavers_ as in large doses, and if taken over time, it would cloud a persons judgment and make a person incredibly malleable, and suggestible. The he asked me if I understood.

Oh I understood alright, I understood a _lot_, and I was horrified. I felt… _violated_ and manipulated beyond words. I swore that if I _ever_ crossed paths with Maeil again, I would kill him. Slowly. Painfully. But first, I would ram my lightsaber up where the suns never shine before ignighting it. I was shaking with rage and Goddess bless him, Nico just sat there and let me be.

At long last, he stood up (and I was afraid he was going to try to touch me,) and he just walked around me, and opened a door to a private room in his office – his meditation room – then he walked back to his chair and sat down again with his hands folded on his desk.

I tried to meditate (unsuccessfully) and excused myself at last to go work out, and Nico didn't say a word.

He never even _tried_ to touch me…

Goddess bless the man, I really _do_ love him, Tam.

Love,

Pem


	96. Chapter 96

**

Dear Tam,

For the last few weeks, I have been diving into my studies and my piloting – anything to forget what I had discovered in Nico's office. At first I couldn't even bear to _look_ at him (Ma-mere asked of we had had a fight, but I couldn't even begin to tell her) as I was so ashamed, but eventually I _knew_ I had to apologize to him, it was just a matter of having an excuse to do to the Healer's center. Finally, Ma-mere said she needed to take some papers there and I jumped at the chance. Funny thing, she had a sparkle in her eye when she gave them to me.

I dropped off the papers and asked one of the younger apprentices if Nico was about, and the silly young thing just giggled and said he was in his office meditating. I knocked on his door (I was sure that he probably had some 'company' but I was wrong,) and it opened and closed behind me. He smiled when he saw me and said he was actually just about to meditate, and would I care to join him? He acted like there was _nothing_ wrong, and as if I hadn't been avoiding him for these last few weeks, which was a big relief!

We sat down across from each other, and he took my hands and we slipped into an easy meditation. He encouraged me to breathe in and out, and with every breath, to let go of what ever was bothering me. It lasted maybe an hour at the most, but it was just what I needed. After that, he asked me if I had eaten mid-day meal yet, and would I care to join him?

We shared a really nice meal of cold meat cuts and blue-fruit, took turns feeding each other only using the Force (with moderate success as we started laughing too much!) and when I reached across the table to take his hand, he didn't pull away (and oh, how his eyes sparkled then!)

I asked him if perhaps later on, he'd like to take a walk with me in the garden, and he said that it would be very nice, so we planned on doing that later as he had a lot of work to do – the man is incredibly busy!

After I did my flight lessons with Uncle Han (I'm allowed to take a small ship out for a few hours solo now!) I didn't even bother to change. I fairly ran to the Healer's Center where Nico was waiting for me with a light last meal!

We ate our meal in the garden, and then as we lay on the grass in each other arms, I kept waiting for him to 'try' something. (Oh Hells, I was almost ready to take him right there in plain sight if I even remotely thought he would let me!) but he didn't move!

Finally, I sat up and asked him what was wrong, and he just smiled and said 'nothing'. I wanted to ask him if his feelings towards me had maybe changed, but he just smiled and touched my nose, and said that he still loved me, very, very much, but after what had happened, he didn't want to push me into something I didn't want, after all.

I didn't know _what_ to say then, Tam, so I just leaned in and kissed him.

Love,

Pem


	97. Chapter 97

**

Dear Tam,

Father and I have been away for a few weeks, at the Naboo training center, watching the student's progress and meeting with the resident instructors. Kix was there and she's practically shorn herself bald with two really long 'hair tails' with a green streak colouring her long blond (what's left of it anyway!) hair! She told me that she and Luda were _finally_ talking about 'maybe, possibly, more likely than not' getting bonded in the spring. She asked Father if they decided to do it, would he be the one to bless and seal the Union, and he said he would be more than honored. I can't wait!

When we got back, I was afraid Nico had 'forgotten' me,(and all my plans would be for nothing) but within an hour of our arrival, he commed me and asked me out to Last Meal.

I told him that as it was his twentieth Life Day (we had to choose one as he didn't know what it actually was, and I'll bet he thought I'd forgotten _that_) that I had a better idea, and that if he trusted me, we could make it an unforgettable one.

He raised an eyebrow at me, and I just laughed, and told him to be ready. He asked me what he was supposed to wear, and I _almost_ told him that he only needed to 'wear' one thing, but in part because I was afraid I'd lose my nerve and as I wanted it to be a surprise, I told him to just dress casual.

I picked up a bottle of Corellian wine, and a few other _necessaries_ , and had him meet me at Ma-mere's ship, the "Hard as Nails", and before he knew it, we were at the Lake House on Naboo where a lovely table had been set on the balcony, overlooking the water.

We held hands over Last Meal, and watched the sun go down together in each others arms, and you could feel the Force just _electric_ around us.

It started to get chilly then, and rather late so he asked me to show him to his room (he's never come to the Lake house, in all the years he's been Uncle Kay's apprentice!) and I took him to the 'Sun room' which also over looks the water. He said it was absolutely beautiful, and said it had been the most amazing Life day he'd ever had in his life. I embraced him, and whispered in his ear that it was about to get a whole lot better, and I reached behind my neck and undid the clasp that held my dress on.

As it fell to the floor, he gasped an oath and started shaking. He then asked me if I was _sure_, and I told him (as I stepped back into his arms) I had never been more sure of anything in my life.

I don't need to tell you what happened next, but suffice to say that while doing 'it' with Maeil was pleasurable, _making love_ with Nico was just… yes.

We had to leave fairly early the next morning, as Nico had to return to his duties as a Healer, and I to my Lessons, but I know we'll never forget this night, as long as we live.

Love,

Pem


	98. Chapter 98

**

Dear Tam,

Once again, I'm sure you probably thought I'd forgotten you, but never fear, you are never far from my thoughts.

It's been nearly eighteen months since I've written to you, and a lot has happened in that time.

We are here at the Lake House, and the party is _just_ winding down. We are celebrating Kix's and Luda's Bonding tonight, and the happy couple has just retired (perhaps more than a little drunk, but no matter! I think everyone except myself is either a little drunk or at least a little wrecked in some way, as even Father and Ma-mere were passing the pipe around.)

You probably want to know what happened to me and Nico. Well, to put it bluntly, it didn't. Don't get me wrong, we are still very close, but after that one night we never slept together again. That one night was magical though, and even though I've had a lover or two since then, that night will _always_ be special. Nico is promised to another young Healer who came to the Temple a little less than a year ago, and I swear, if they aren't bonded before this years end, I'll eat my starship (the Blue Mynock).

Cousin Jacen at eight, is utterly enamored with Gra-mere, (Leibé thinks this is funny as all hell!) and follows her _everywhere_, so she has started teaching him some very basic Healing (I think every stuffed toy and doll in the house has 'bacta bandages' on it!) His twin Jaina is already at the head of her elementary lightsaber Lessons class. Ben would rather study history than pick up a lightsaber, but neither Ma-mere or Father are too worried right now. Both Auryn and Anakin have demonstrated exceptional Force sensitivity, so who knows where they'll end up!

Uncle Han and Uncle Chewie are still teaching, and Chewie's son (nicknamed 'Lumpy') has joined the trainees at the Temple. Auntie Leia has been learning to channel her Force abilities into Healing. It took her many years to accept the idea of being a Jedi, and at long last she is finding the balance in her life with this.

Uncle Kay and Uncle Toa split their time between the Temple and about four other Healer's centers scattered throughout the Galaxy, and have taken on a young torga girl named Kasa, as their newest apprentice. She is very shy but very gifted, and will make a great Healer, I'm sure.

You probably think I'm just an old stick now, because I'm the only adult person in the house who's not under _some_ kind of influence, but there's a reason, you see.

Not everyone in the Village is completely _welcoming_ of the Training center, even those who have potential students in their families. However, just sometimes, not even a non-understanding parent can keep them away, and tonight, I'm going to meet one of them in the forest just away from the Lake house.

His name is Joachime Leven, and he is nineteen and so _very_ handsome, with dark hair and eyes, and he is _very_ talented.

He's an excellent sparring partner, and can do some very elementary Force manipulation, and we love meditating together.

Hey, tonight we _might_ even get around to some of that!

Much love,

Pem


	99. Chapter 99

**

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_Welcome new user to TAM. Begin journal at any time._

**

Hello Tam!

That's a funny name! My name is A'mor, and I am six years old today! My mom gave you to me to learn to write proper like. I live here with a bunch of people called (xxxx) Jedi, and I hope we will be (xxxxxxx) friends.

Love,

A'mor Kampher Skywalker Leven

(but you can call me 'Mo')


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